Inside Tetheus's Head
by Vuirneen
Summary: ...series ended... Tetheus. Unemotional. Cold. Repressed. Yeah right! Chapter 16. A blow to the head can scramble your brains but why is Tetheus professing his love... To Alfeegi? Shonenai warning.
1. Let Tetheus Speak

I always wondered about Tetheus a little. I mean a guy that wears tight black clothing, is the chief of security and appears to be very unemotional and repressed. What's going on in his mind? Maybe he's just a one dimensional character, but you know what I'm thinking. Closet sex fiend.

The story is set inside his head, so _italics_ are his thoughts and the only voice that speaks is his own. Not every word he speaks is reported as I give priority to his thoughts over what he actually says. This might be a little weird as I ignore anything said by anyone else. 

Please tell me if this works. If not I'll rejig it a little.

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Tetheus strides through the corridors of the dragon castle, his rigid boots echoing as they strike the flagstones. As always, his mind is on other matters and yet he manages to scope every situation for potential threats and skiving dragon officers.

_Okay, after the disturbance last night, five dragon fighters are injured, three of which should be on duty tonight. On the other hand, there are exactly that number due for disciplining that Alfeegi caught gambling. If I put their punishment as filling in an extra shift, both my problems are solved._

A short blonde dragon warrior slips as he shares a joke with a friend. The sudden traffic jam is skilfully avoided by Tetheus. The only sign that anything has happened is shown in his eyes, which move to scan the young dragon.

_I'd do him. Okay now that I have the staffing problem under control, I need to give my report to the dragonlord and then I can pass the message down the line._

The dragonlord's hall is close now. There are no significant dangers, the requisite number of guards is on duty and they're immaculately turned out.

_Appearances are important. The guard here is a symbol of the dragonlord's power and authority and they need to look well. Maybe I should increase their hair gel provisions. _ Tetheus runs a hand over his slimy and well kempt hair before entering the hall.

He strides manfully up the hall eyeing the guards on duty as he goes past.

_Yes, no, no, too short, too blonde, cute but no, ah yes and oh no._

Lykuleon is standing beside Ruwalk and smiling. Their closeness is obvious.

_You never act that way with the rest of us Lykouleon. Is Ruwalk done with his report? Ah Ruwalk. Yeah, you're on the list._

Tetheus looms beside the dragonlord, waiting for Ruwalk to finish. He's still nattering on about something completely unrelated to security. Some party or something.

He looks down.

_Lykouleon, you are so short! I'm way taller than you! How can the dragonlord be so wee? Yet HE's still the one that gets all the chicks. And he's married. He gets attention from all the girls AND he's married to the best looking woman in the country! It's not fair. I haven't had a date in...Oh he's finished talking. Can I speak now?_

Just as Tetheus is about to start his report, Alfeegi runs in with news of the latest outrage perpetrated by Kai-Stern on the Dragon finances. Tetheus notices Ruwalk's guilty grimace and the dragonlord's amusement.

_Ruwalk's always giving Kai-Stern extra cash. I wonder if they're doing it? I always figured they were straight, but they're pretty enough to get attention from both sides. I mean there's a different girl coming from Ruwalk's bedroom every morning at half six exactly and they say that Kai-Stern has a different girl in every town. There must be a reason why he enjoys travel so much. I don't get it myself, lots of effort to get somewhere and then you only spend five minutes doing business before it's time to come home again. And you're always catching up, everywhere you go._

'Luckily after the incident last night, there were no fatalities. Sixteen dragon officers were injured and all but five are them are able to return to duty. I will be able to provide cover until they're back on their feet.' Tetheus does his stern face before continuing. 'There was no significant property damage. Cernozoa has informed me that everything can be replaced. Just in case this was a distraction I checked on Nadil's head and there's no sign of a break in there.'

There are a few more boring matters to put before the dragonlord until Tetheus finally concludes his report.

_Nothing else to mention...No. Report complete. I wonder what the dragonlord looks like naked._

Lykouleon looks to Ruwalk and Alfeegi for final thoughts on the day's business. 

_Lykouleon, Lykouleon, I wonder what Raselene calls you in private. Licky? Lick? My Lord? Mmmm, Raselene's so cute. I wonder if they'd consider a threesome._

Cernozoa enters the halls replacing flowers in the vases. Tetheus gives her one of his special looks and she blushes slightly.

_Ah, Cernozoa. *mental smile* I think maybe it's time that we got together again... You can do so many cool things with your tongue._

'Yes my lord. A trip to Farni would be good for morale and may encourage them to pay their taxes, but it is out of the question. Given the number of yokai attacks recently it's not a good idea to give them such an important target. If you leave the safety of the castle you WILL be attacked.'

_Why do I have to be the bad guy? I mean Alfeegi already said no and he'll be able to breathe again soon, but no-one takes his "no"s seriously. Sometimes I want to be the one to have my bottom spanked. *mental sigh* I have to pay good money for that._

The dragonlord tries to persuade the hostile crowd that he really should go to Farni, but fails. After a last minute sortie fails he decides to break for lunch and a chance to remarshal his argument. As they reach the door, Tetheus steps back to allow Alfeegi through.

_I rule. You suck._

All through dinner Tetheus plays with his food. Everyone assumes that he's taken up with the troubles of his job and the recent assault on the dragon castle. They have no clue as to the true nature of the thoughts going through his head.

_I'm definitely better looking than Alfeegi. I must be, after all I'm taller than him and I have a much nicer hair cut. His is what, some kind of mullet? Ruwalk is cuter than me, Kai Stern too, but surely I at least beat Alfeegi?_

Tetheus fumes on, trying to figure out a definitive way to sort it out. 

_Okay, he's cute when he's only slightly angry, but my voice's deeper and I've got a nicer butt. He's also hardly ever only slightly angry. It's usually crisis mode with him or nothing. Oh, and I could beat him in a fight. That adds points with the ladies._

_That's it! I'm just going to have to ask someone. Cernozoa. Tonight. I'll buy her some chocolate, she's always putty in my hands after that. Tomorrow won't be a busy day, so I can afford to enjoy myself tonight._

Tetheus looks down the table toward Cernozoa. She blushes again.

_I'd better make sure that she's got no plans for tonight. From all the gossip I hear she's single again. I hope she's up for it. It's been a long day. Maybe I should get some flowers too. I'll run by the garden after this._

Dinner passes uneventfully. Ruwalk tells several off-colour jokes, hoping to cheer Alfeegi up and save a little of Kai-Stern's skin when he gets back from his latest trip. Lykouleon laughs, but Raselene seems a little appalled.

_Ah come now. You've done worse than that. I've overheard the maids talking. Such a sweet girl on the outside, such a nasty girl in the bedroom. I notice that Lykouleon is wearing yet another polo neck and it's sweltering inside today. I wonder how bad the love bite is. _

He looks towards the laughing dragonlord.

_I bet you'll be showing it off to Ruwalk later and you'll probably compare notes. There were some VERY odd noises coming from his room at, oh, half twelve last night. I'm surprised no-else else in that part of the castle complains. Whose room is near him? Ah yes. I'm not surprised that THEY don't complain. _

The dinner party is astonished by the sudden smile on Tetheus's stony face.

_Mmmmmmmm, twins._

'No, I'm fine. Something got caught as I was chewing. That's all. No, I don't need water. Thank you.'

The stares persist, until Ruwalk, who has been affected by the wine rather more than usual, tells the joke about the whore and the bailiff. This gets Tetheus off the hook, but Raselene is not happy at how funny Lykouleon finds the joke.

_There will be words and maybe a larger bite-mark next time._

Tetheus keeps his mind in strict check for the rest of the dinner. Ruwalk's drawing all the attention, his face getting redder and redder as more and more wine disappears down his throat.

_Oh dear. SOMEONE's going to have to check everything he writes and signs for the rest of the day. I'd better make myself scarce so they don't pick me. _He glances at Alfeegi, who's calmly picking at his dinner and ignoring Ruwalk's sordid stories. _Poor 'Feegi, I wonder if he'll end up lumbered with it. The poor guy really suffers with his nerves, it'd probably put him over the edge. _Tetheus perks up a bit. _And if he goes insane, I'm sure that'll lose him points with the girls. Yeah, third best looking would be in the bag. Go me, go me._

'I'm sure that they're actually grey Raselene.'

'Well, uh, it's traditional.'

'Uh, you are Queenie, of course.'

'Yes, my queen, pink elephants it is.'

Finally, the dinner ends.

_Ugh, that was the weirdest meal I've ever had here and this place is scarcely normal._

Two Dragon Fighters have to be called in to help Ruwalk out of his chair and back to his office. Tetheus looks at the dragonlord quizzically.

_Feck, no. I should have ducked my head and ducked out. What if I have to babysit the drunk for the rest of the afternoon? _

Lykouleon smiles, cocks his head to one side, places his hands together under it and closes his eyes. Then he gives Tetheus the thumbs up.

_Ah, they're going to let him sleep it off. Now, where's Cernozoa gone?_

He manages to run into her in the corridor outside.

'Hi there, Cernozoa. How you doin'? Got any plans for tonight?'

'Well, I was hoping to spend some time with you again.' He leans toward Cernozoa. 'I've missed you.' He reaches out and takes her hand in his, then deftly licks the tips of her fingers. 'Especially these.' She blushes for the third time that day, but finally agrees to meet him that night, before rushing off to escape the notice of the castle gossips.

_Sorted. _Tetheus runs his hand over his hair again, then shakes it to dislodge some of the grease. _Now I'd better get the Dragon Fighters in shape and pick up some flowers._

Raised voices can be heard as Tetheus rounds the corner. _Oh lord not again. _Two Dragon Fighters have been seeing the same girl for the past two months and it looks as though they've finally realised it. A crowd has formed to watch the fight, they've progressed to the pushing each other stage and it looks as though the first punch will be thrown at any moment. 

_No-one's noticed me._ Tetheus makes to return the way he came when he notices a box of chocolates on the ground atop the coat of one of the combatants. _Perfect!_ He steps in to stop the fight and grabs the arm of one of the participants, just as he was about to land a punch.

'I'm sure that both of you know that fighting in the castle between Dragon Fighters is strictly forbidden. We do have a training ground and THIS is where we learn those skills that we ONLY ever use in the course of our duties DEFENDING the realm against yokai and other attacks. I'm sure that those here watching were about to point this out to the two of you.'

The part of the crowd that hadn't already sneaked away when they saw Tetheus, now scarpers. The two fighters look at him like scolded schoolboys.

'I'll talk to you later about your punishment. For now, I'll take this,' Tetheus scoops up the chocolates, 'and be on my way.' Tetheus stares at the two dragons until they leave, in opposite directions.

The rest of the day passes uneventfully. Tetheus finishes up early, for once and realises that he has time to visit the garden and pick up some flowers. The garden is a riot of colour at this time of year and Tetheus indulges in the scent and beauty of the many specimens on display. 

_Okay, what flowers say 'Do me?'_

He eventually settles on some vibrant red flowers and adds a spray of Forget-Me-Nots, before returning to the castle. 

_Pick me up at seven. That's what she said. _Tetheus glances at a clock as he strides down the corridor. _It's about that now. _

Finally, Tetheus reaches Cernozoa's door. 

_Okay, flowers. _He shakes them. _Check! Choccy. _He shakes them too. _Check! Now. _Tetheus holds his hand up to his mouth and breathes on it. No pungent odour emerges. _I'm good to go._ He clears his throat and knocks on the door. The door is flung back and Tetheus reels in shock. Before him stands Cernozoa, redesplendant in black leather, which is wrapped around her tighter than a second skin. Her breasts are barely contained by the tight bodice and a sexy pair of taut trousers are peeking through the long leather skirt which has been slit up to the waist. A leather mask completes the outfit. At the moment, she's tapping the side of her thigh with a riding whip.

**Have you been a bad boy?**

Tetheus throws the flowers and chocolate over his shoulder.

'Oh yes. Oh my god yes.'

_*************************************************************************************************_

If anyone's wondering about the elephants, it's a reference to a telly series that was on when I was a gel called Blackadder the Second. The scene goes like this...

The scene opens as Lord Melchert is reading to Queen Elizabeth from a book.

Queen Elizabeth: I think you'll find that they're pink Lord Melchert.

Lord Melchert: Grey is traditional, your majesty.

Queen Elizabeth: Melchie?

Lord Melchert: Yes, your majesty?

Queen Elizabeth: Who is Queenie?

Lord Melchert: Eh, you are, your majesty. Very well, the pink elephants...

Enter Lord Blackadder.

I loved Blackadder. Who is Queenie? Do as I say or I'll have your head cut off.


	2. Apothechemy

Welcome to the Further Adventures of Tetheus. Wow, I was pretty bowled over by the response to the first chapter, thanks guys, I feel loved. 

I've decided to drop the affectation of the last chapter, where no-one else was allowed to speak.. I think we all have a good enough idea of how Tetheus thinks and I wanted to let the others speak. This is mostly down to Ruwalk in the next chapter. 

As before, _italics_ are his thoughts.

* * *

Tetheus is stalking the corridors of the silent Dragon Castle late one night. Scouring for evil doers, keeping the castle safe for decent and honest folk and also, um, well, you'll see. 

He sidles up to the nearest door._ Nothing up my sleeve._ A deft movement produces a small glass, which he then holds up to the door. After listening intently he puts it away again. _Asleep already. I must be a little late tonight. I'd better hurry up and get to the twins room. _

His step quickens then slows as he notices an odd counter-rhythm. Finally he stops and listens carefully. _Not a thief, it's too erratic. Not a drunk either, the step's very light. Maybe a dancer, but why a dancer would be wandering through the hallways at night I do not know. _

As a precaution he hides himself in a dark recess, one of his favourite ambush sites and waits for the mystery dancer to arrive. _Hmm, the last time I was hidden in here, I surprised Cernozoa. I think that was our first date. Once she'd stopped screaming anyway. Now I think about it that could have gone very badly. _

The steps grow louder and the mystery figure comes into view. It's Alfeegi. _Something's wrong. _Alfeegi is practically floating down the hallway, occassionally he bumps into the wall, which causes him to start giggling. _I've never seen him laugh, let alone giggle!_ His eyes are glazed and focused at a point a steady 10 inches beyond his face. 

'Alfeegi?' Tetheus slowly emerges from his hiding place and cautiously approaches the amused Dragon Officer. 'Alfeegi?' 

Alfeegi freezes, then slowly turns in place to face Tetheus. A huge smile breaks out on his face. 'Tetheus. I love you.'  
_"What?!'_

Alfeegi's face softens a little and he speaks more gently. 'I love you man." He opens his arms wide and engulfs Tetheus while he's still confused. It's the sweetest and warmest embrace that he's ever been in. Alfeegi's hair tickles his nose and Alfeegi's scent wafts up it, where it does strange things to his nerves. Tetheus breaks the hold slightly. 

'Alfeegi?' _Alfeegi_...'Do you want to...'  
'Oh wow, look at that!' Alfeegi lets go of Tetheus and floats across to the edge of the corridor. He grabs something off the floor and lifts it up before Tetheus. His magnificent prize appears to be...a frog. "I love this frog.'  
_You do?_  
'Look at how cute it is.'  
_I'm cute._  
'Wow, you can see, like the wisdom of centuries in its eyes.'  
_I have the wisdom of centuries._  
'And it's so, so green.'  
_I'm so, wait, it has me there. _  
'Are you hungry little froggy? Wanna go get some munchies with me?' 

Apparently the frog says yes, as Alfeegi disappears down the hall with him, leaving Tetheus cold.

_Let me get this straight.   
I just got dumped.   
By Alfeegi!   
For a FROG!_

The bad mood lasts until the following day, when after hours of avoiding Alfeegi, Tetheus finally knocks him down in the kitchen. 

'Tetheus!' For a change, Alfeegi doesn't immediately turn purple and instead calmly picks himself off the floor. 'Are you okay?' Tetheus nods then helps Alfeegi gather his scattered papers. 

'Alfeegi? Er...Is something different with you? Recently?' 

He looks a little surprised. 'Well, yes. Actually, I am trying something new.'  
'And that something is?'  
'Well,' Alfeegi blushes a little. 'After I nearly killed Ruwalk the last time I got Kai-Stern's expense report, he shouted at me to take a chill pill. Considering that it only sent us a tiny amount over budget, in the overall scheme of things, my reaction did seem slightly...excessive. So I went and bought some chill pills. They seem to be working, I feel a lot better.'  
_Should I tell him?_ 'Can I see the pills?'  
'Sure.' Alfeegi rummages in his pockets, deftly juggling the various papers until he produces a small bottle, which he hands to Tetheus. Tetheus opens the bottle, smells inside, peers at the pills, then examines the label. 

_25 Chill Pills _

Take as required 

There are four left. 

Tetheus recaps the bottle and shakes it absently. 'Alfeegi?'  
'Yeah?'  
'You're running a little low, would you like me to pick up some more pills for you?'  
'Why yes. That'd be great.' Alfeegi looks genuinely pleased and a brief prick of conscience hits Tetheus. It's quickly stifled. _A frog! A FROG!_ 'I got them in the new shop in town. It's just off Holly Street, Kharl's House of Apothechemy.'  
'You mean Apothecary?'  
'Yeah, of course. Thanks Tetheus. I'll pay you back. Promise.'  
'Oh don't worry about it.' _Although I would like to know what happened to the frog. _

Tetheus bids Alfeegi goodbye and heads off to town. He's stopped again, this time by Ruwalk. 

'All right Tetheus?'  
'Ruwalk, can I have a word?'  
'Sure.'  
'I was talking to Alfeegi...' 

Ruwalk turns around. 'Where is he? Do I have time to escape? Kai-Stern's not back yet is he?'  
'No, it's not about that. Look. He's...' Tetheus stops and starts again. 'Did you tell him to "take a Chill Pill?"' 

Ruwalk pauses, confused for a second. Once he realises that Alfeegi isn't after his blood he thinks seriously about the question. 'I think I might have mentioned something like that. But I yell that sort of stuff at him at least twice a week.'  
'Well, he's finally done something about it.'  
'What's ... Hang on, now I think about it, he's been...calm lately. I just thought myself lucky and decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but he's been almost serene.'  
'I want to check out the place he's been buying the pills from. It's a new apothecary shop in Holly Street. Would you like to come with me?'  
'That's a good idea.' Ruwalk looks thoughtful. 'These things are never usually without serious side-effects.' 

Tetheus looks impassive. If it were anyone but Ruwalk he'd probably have made an excuse to go alone but..._ it is Ruwalk and we never get to spend much time together._ Ruwalk natters away as the two make their way to the shop. _There were what, three voices coming from your room last night? Or was it four? _He glances at the cute and much shorter guy striding along beside him. _I have heard a few orgy rumours and I'd like to be invited. Cernozoa swears she's never been involved, so maybe it is just gossip after all! _That thought makes Tetheus happy. _That way I could be the one to corrupt you. I do know more than any of the other clowns in the castle. After all, who taught the twins all they know?_

Holly Street arrives all too quickly. A small lane that branches off it is severely dwarfed by the new building plonked in the middle of it. The house looks like it's being held up with thumb tacks and chewing gum, not to mention string. A huge and gaudy sign hangs from the top of the building. KHARL'S HOUSE OF ALCHEMY. A small boy is teetering on the roof, trying to affix the sign more securely. Several people below are wagering on the number of bones that will be broken when he falls. 

'That daft get.' Tetheus mutters to Ruwalk. 'Apothecary my ass. That's an alchemist's shop. Can't he tell the difference?'  
'Yeah. Alchemists aren't known for their healing cures ever working. They can turn you to gold, but they can't even stop a simple cold?'  
'Maybe Alfeegi has a reading problem?'  
'What?'  
'Well, maybe he has problems reading. When it comes to something like this, you want to be pretty careful.'  
'Maybe that's why he's so anal about us filling in forms properly. My second cousin had a reading difficulty.'  
'Yeah?'  
'He couldn't read a word unless it was on yellow paper.'  
'What?'  
'Honest truth.'  
'Maybe yellow paper would calm Alfeegi's temper then.'  
'The pills seem to be working. Maybe we should give the alchemist a try first.' 

Tetheus looks doubtful. Alchemists are not usually trustworthy. For one thing, spending a lot of time with mercury fumes tends to drive them a little batty. For another, they spend more money on their gold-making schemes than they ever earn back and for a third, well, they all got a bad name after that mad yokai alchemist started up. What was his name again? Unfortunately, Ruwalk has already stepped inside the shop and Tetheus hurries after him. 

The inside of the shop does not match Tetheus's worries. There are no bubbling potions, no mad experiments in the corner. The shop is well lit and brightly, garishly coloured in red and gold. Several tables display the all natural ingredients presumably used in the alchemist's pills and potions. A narrow counter cuts off a portion of the shop, near the door, behind while is row upon row of drawers marked with arcane runes. _It does look a lot like an apothecary shop. I can see where Alfeegi went wrong._ Behind the counter is a smiling man. Most of his body is covered by a long cloak and his blonde hair is cut and styled in a birdlike manner. Speaking of which, there's a rather large one perched on his shoulder, glaring at Ruwalk. 

_Yes/No? Yes/No? He is cute but what's with the bird? Does he want to be a pirate? An eye patch, a peg leg and the smell of rum would complete the look. His expression's a bit gormless. I'll put him down as a maybe not for now._

'Customers, excellent! Customers. What can I do for you? Ease the pain of piles? Create a love potion? Turn lead to gold?'

Tetheus officiously approaches the counter.

'I understand that you sold a quantity of "Chill Pills" to an occupant of the Dragon Castle earlier this week?'  
'Chill Pills? Chill Pills. Um.' Kharl the Alchemist ponders deeply. 'Ah yes. I did sell some dried frog pills, they're useful for those of a highly strung nature. I believe that the person who bought them was a dragon, about yay high, dun hair, odd cut. Very odd cut. I have...an acquaintance that runs a beauty parlour. He could sort him out with a very dapper cut quite easily. He's very good, did mine you see.' Kharl shows off his hair. It's certainly, eye-catching. 

Ruwalk eagerly leans over the counter and catches Kharl's eye. 'Are there any side effects with these pills? Is there anything we should watch out for?'  
'Well of course!' Kharl speaks swiftly to assuage their fears. 'All potions have side effects, we just have to manage them. Medicine never affects different people in the exact same way. It takes a while to tailor an unguent to a specific person. If a potion makes you drowsy, then I add caffeine. If it makes you spiteful, I add cinnamon and of course mint is added in the case of halitosis. What side effects does your friend currently exhibit?'  
'Well," Tetheus starts to count them off on his fingers. 'He's reasonable, but floats around the castle at night, occasionally bumping into the walls and giggling continually. Oh, and he's now in love with a frog.' _Not me. _

Ruwalk goes into shock as Tetheus starts to list the symptoms. His jaw is now on the counter, catching an amazing amount of flies.

'All that? Why didn't you say anything?'  
'Not to worry, all perfectly within my ability to correct.' Kharl looks very relieved. 'Please wait here a moment.' He disappears through a door and from it the two dragon officers can hear the sounds of various, heavy objects being moved, small seeds being spilled and weighed. Kharl mutters as he works, but nothing that he says makes any sense to the two. 

'Tetheus! Why didn't you tell me how badly those pills had affected Alfeegi?'  
Tetheus shrugs. 'That's why I brought you down with me. Besides,' Tetheus has been inspired and looks at Ruwalk reproachfully, 'I didn't want any gossip about Alfeegi and his _condition_ spreading through the castle.' _Will you buy that my dear?_  
It seems that he does. 'I can understand that.' Ruwalk looks quite uncomfortable. 'After all, there are some amazing rumours spreading through the castle about me. You wouldn't believe some of them.'  
_I think that I can believe them all. _'Really? I hadn't heard.'  
'Thank goodness. Some of them are utter filth! I wouldn't want them to affect my job. I hope Lykouleon doesn't hear any of them.'  
'Don't worry.' Tetheus risks putting his hand on Ruwalk comfortingly. _We've touched! I could wet myself!_ 'Lykouleon, I mean the dragon lord isn't the type to listen to unfounded allegations.'_ There are too many floating around about himself for him to dare throw any stones. _  
Ruwalk lets out the breath he was holding and returns Tetheus's grasp. _ Ooohhhh, uugghhh, uh!_ 'Thanks. That's what I thought, but it's nice to hear it from someone else.'

Kharl's return saves Tetheus from trying to speak.  
'Here you go. One bottle of Dried Frog pills. Please give them to your friend and come back with any new symptoms. I'll tweak the formula until it's perfect.'  
'Thank you very much Kharl.' Ruwalk smiles at Kharl and takes the bottle. _His eyes are following Ruwalk far too closely. Back off!_ 'We'll be sure to come back as soon as he's tried this batch.'  
'Farewell!' Kharl waves at Ruwalk and sighs as he heads to the door. _I was right. He does want Ruwalk._ 'Oh,' he looks at Tetheus. 'Got what you wanted?'  
Tetheus pays for the pills. 'And a love potion.' He indicates the leaving Ruwalk.  
'I'm sorry sir.' The alchemist shrugs. 'I don't have a potion strong enough.'  
Tetheus coughs loudly and his face hardens. 'I assume that you have all the neccessary licences to operate a pharmacutical outlet in this part of town?'  
Kharl stammers. 'N.N.Next week. I've have something for you first thing next week. Guaranteed!'  
'I'll be back.' 

Kharl watches Tetheus stalk out and then turns his head. 'Garfacky? Break out the big guns, we'll be working all weekend.' 


	3. I'm the Dragonlord!

I've just noticed Tetheus's eyes. They're different to the other dragon officers, they're flatter and longer, like Nadil's, Shydeman's and Shyrendora's. Weird. Anyway. There's at least another two chapters before Kai Stern comes home, so I'm sorry to all his fans. Or maybe you're happy that I haven't stuck my claws into him yet. I'm tired now. 

In this chapter things happened that I didn't expect. Alfeegi's comment in Chapter two was supposed to be completely innocent and now I'm not so sure. Oh and Tetheus is not supposed to get this lucky, especially not with the person he gets lucky with. 

As before _italics_ are Tetheus's thoughts. Oh and where you see _Hee hee hee_, think giggling like a schoolgirl. 

* * *

Alfeegi, Tetheus and Ruwalk are walking along to the Dragonlord's study after a long and tiring day. Tetheus is keeping a step behind Ruwalk and is checking out his bum. Alfeegi's expression is slightly sour, for the first time in about a week. _It's not the best in the Castle, that honour definitely belongs to the Dragonlord and he knows it too, but it comes in the nicest overall package. Actually there's a new girl joined the Dragon Fighters who has a good arse too. I should set her a personalised training regime for the forseeable future. *mentally rubs his hands together* It's good to be me. _

Ruwalk suddenly stops outside his room and Tetheus nearly runs into him, Alfeegi just manages to catch his arm. _Damn you Alfeegi, I could have copped a feel! His ass was just there and it would have looked so natural. *mentally shakes fist angrily*_

Ruwalk smiles shyly and strokes the door to his room. 'Guys, I'm gonna cry off, I'm absolutely wrecked. I'm just gonna head in, have one and go to sleep.'  
'It has been a long day, I may join you.' Alfeegi blushes furiously. 'I mean that I might just do the same thing. After saying goodnight to the Dragonlord of course.'  
_Damn, I wonder if that would've worked. I'm jealous that Alfeegi thought of it first. You don't think that he...nah._ 'Ruwalk, I'm sure that none of us are going to be staying long. Are you sure you won't join us and have your one there?' _Then I could offer to walk you back and depending on how many "ones" you have..._  
'No, I really need to have a quiet night. Lykouleon had a bit of a glint in his eyes, I'm sure it's going to be a looong night for you guys.'  
'Sure I can't tempt you?'

Ruwalk shakes his head, opens his door and slides inside. 'Night guys.'

_So now Ruwalk's gone and I'm stuck with Alfeegi and the Dragonlord. Ruwalk's right, tonight will be torture and I can't share it with him. Alfeegi's such a whiney drunk, when he doesn't just fall under the table and Lykouleon is so variable. I could spend the night with Cernozoa. I think that's the best option. She should still be tied up...Shit, now I really need to get out of this._

Alfeegi's shooting daggers at Tetheus. 'Shall we?'  
'Yes, let's try to get this over with quickly. I think Ruwalk has the right idea.'  
'I noticed.'  
'Alfeegi, is there something you want to say?'  
'Look, you're not the only one. Everyone in the castle is after him and he's **way** out of your league.'

With that bombshell, Alfeegi minces up the hallway and Tetheus has to run to catch up with him.

'Wait a second, what are you so bent out of shape for? It's not like Ruwalk's the only guy in the castle.'_ Why did I say that? Alfeegi'll think that I'm a pervert... He's not the only guy, but he is the cutest._ 'Alfeegi?'

Alfeegi's managing to keep a pace or two ahead of Tetheus, while still enduring his mincing walk. _What's with Alfeegi? Oh god, I hope it doesn't get ugly. The pills, he must need another pill._

'Feegi, do you need to take a pill?' _ I hope he's not becoming immune to them. _

Alfeegi finally stops outside the Dragonlord's study and snaps his face around to look at Tetheus. 'I'm just fine!' He throws his head back and marches into Lykouleon's study, which is empty. Completely devoid of the Dragonlord. Lykouleon-less. Dragonlord in his study equates to false._ No need to panic just yet. He's probably gone to the toilet. Even he needs to pee, after all. Ah, a note. _ There is indeed a note on the impressive desk in the centre of the room, Alfeegi gets there first. 

_Nipped out for a smoke. _

Won't be long. 

'Again?' Alfeegi clenches the paper and it crumples in his hand. A faint rosy hue starts to appear on his face. 

'Calm down Alfeegi.' 

'This is so thoughtless!' The rosy hue is no longer faint. _Shit are the pills wearing off?_

'Alfeegi, let's just break out our backup Dragonlord. '

'Yes. Yes, you're right.' Alfeegi starts to calm down, _defcom 3, defcom 4, defcom 5._

_Uh oh._

'Alfeegi, he was just having one right?'  
'Right.'  
'And he's only been alone for five minutes.'  
'...'  
'...'  
'Let's run.'

Tetheus's legs easily outpace Alfeegi. _Impressed? You so puny. _ Alfeegi's breath is laboured, but Tetheus can still hear that he's keeping in touch. _ Ruwalk. Please let it not be vodka. Please let it not be vodka._

Tetheus wrenches open the door to Ruwalk's room and stops. Alfeegi tumbles over him a few moments later. Ruwalk is sitting down laughing merrily, an empty bottle clutched in his left hand. The faint scent of plum vodka wafts through the air.

_'Shit!'_ He looks at Alfeegi and helps him up. 'He's useless to us, completely off his head.'  
Alfeegi agrees. 'I guess we'll just have to go out and find the Dragonlord.' 

_Shit_

Alfeegi turns white and then sneaks a look at Ruwalk. He stares back with a big, wide-eyed smile on his face.

'Is Lykoooooooollleon missing?'

Alfeegi nods.

Ruwalk looks to Tetheus. 'Really gone?'

'Yes, just for a little while though. Probably back by now. No need to worry, or get up or...'

'WOOHOOO, I'm the Dragonlord, I'm the Dragonlord. Yay!'

Ruwalk throws his hands in the air and waves them while chanting. 'I'm the Dragonlord, I'm the Dragonlord.' Then he jumps up and runs around the room while chanting and waving. 'WOOHOO, WOOHOO, I'm the Dragonlord.' When he runs into the hall to spread this good news, Tetheus turns to Alfeegi.  
'You set him off. If anything happens it's your fault.'

Alfeegi's still pale and shaking. 'Oh my god, remember what happened the last time?'  
'We need to find Lykouleon. Ideas?'  
'Well, last time Ruwalk was the Dragonlord, the entire town was declared a smoke-free zone.' _It did help him to quit._ 'Lykou...I mean, the Dragonlord could be anywhere on Dusis!' He looks plaintively at Tetheus. 'Why on earth didn't he repeal that act?'  
'I suspect that he was planning to use this excuse at least once. Remember, he expected Ruwalk to be with us when we found the note and he probably thought that we'd keep him sober.' _Stupid, idiot dragonlord. It's not worth risking your kingdom on is it?_ 'Look, we need to split up. Someone has to keep an eye on Ruwalk and someone else has to find Lykouleon. We need to plan quickly, before Ruwalk gets some more alcohol.'  
'Tetheus.' _Please don't lose it Alfeegi. After all, it **is** your fault and I don't want to carry the whole thing myself._ 'We'll both be needed here, someone to follow him and someone else to undo everything and try to stop the burghers coming up here with stupid bills. Let the Dragon Fighters handle Lykouleon, you're needed here.'  
'Okay, we'll sweep out from the city limits. I'll go and set it up, you find Ruwalk and keep him calm. Try anything. If worse comes to the worst, drop one of your pills into his drink. Hopefully it should knock him out. I'll meet up with you later.'  
'Agreed.'

Alfeegi hares off, leaving Tetheus sighing and running his hands through his hair. _ All this tension is bad for my hair. Still, I was afraid that Alfeegi'd fall to pieces. We're not in such dire straits I guess._ Left with greasy hands, he looks around for a towel to wipe his hands on. He picks up a discarded shirt, _this doesn't look too good on him_ and uses it instead. Once his hands are clean, he goes to rouse the Dragon Fighters. As soon as they are deployed he starts looking for Alfeegi and finds him in the great hall.

'He's gone.'   
'I know, that's why I've sent the Dragon Fighters out to find him.'  
'No. Ruwalk. He's gone.'  
'How can you lose a drunk? How can you lose **that** drunk? He won't stop screaming "I'm the Dragonlord!" until he sobers up!'  
'I'm sorry,' tears start to well in Alfeegi's eyes. 'I just couldn't find him after I left you.'  
'It's okay Alfeegi. He's not allowed to leave the castle. We'll just ask everyone we meet to keep an eye out for him, until he's found. We should be able to cover the entire castle if we delegate portions to dragon fighters as we meet them. There should still be a few around, even this late.'  
'Okay, I'll take the west wing, you the east and then we'll meet in the centre.'  
'Agreed.' 

The two split up. The Dragon Queen's rooms are in the centre of the castle and as soon as Tetheus has cleared the east block, he makes his way towards it, spreading the word as he goes. _Raselene probably already knows, but I'd better drop by her rooms as a matter of form. It's only right that she should be informed of what's going on. _ He sighs audibly._ She knows more of what happens in the castle than the Dragonlord's own loyal secretaries. I wish I could have slept my way to the top so easily. **I **was **chosen** to be Black Dragon Officer, she only married in. Stupid Dragon eyes. All she was brought here for was to provide an heir and she can't even do that, yet the Dragonlord won't hear a word said against her. I mean all he needs to do is spread it around a little and then we'll have an heir, but no. He's wrapped around her little finger, she must be really good in bed._

_I've never seen the Dragonlord even look at another woman, let alone another guy. No flirting, no "You look good today Tetheus," no playful slaps on the ass. She's made him so boring._

Raselene has two rooms, a set of double doors leads from her bedroom to her a large sitting and dressing room, where she entertains her guests. Lykouleon spends all of his nights with her and the room is full of his stuff. _Lykouleon only sleeps in his own room when he gets really drunk and is afraid that he might say something stupid. The damn thing had seen less use than the smallest guest room._ Tetheus meets Raselene in her anti-chamber, the door leading to her bedroom is slightly open.

'Raselene, do you know where the Dragonlord might have gone?'  
'No, I can't help you.' _Raselene seems a bit tetchy. Ooh, you didn't know that he was leaving._   
'Raselene, doesn't he tell you everything? Didn't you know that he was leaving?'  
She sighs and turns to him. 'Well, he said that he fancied a fag,' she shrugs. 'I assumed that he was talking about Alfeegi.'  
'Alfeegi's gay?'  
'You didn't know? At least I think he is,' she sniffs, 'I only ever sleep with the Dragonlord, so...'

From the room beyond can be heard the plaintive cry, 'Woohoo, I'm the Dragonlord!' Raselene kicks the door shut with her foot.  
'You didn't hear that. Right?'  
'Of course not,' Tetheus smirks. 'Not until I need a favour.'

Raselene eyes him then nods. 

'So how long can you keep the, eh **Dragonlord**, entertained for?'  
'Dragonlord? Did you find Lykouleon?'

Tetheus gets a very dirty look from Raselene, as Alfeegi enters. _Oh boy, I'd like a few more of those. Funny, you were never my type before Raselene, but I think that I'm starting to like you._

'My lord is still missing...'  
'However we've got a handle on Ruwalk for now.'  
'Where is he?' _Alfeegi looks so happy._  
'Safe.' Tetheus pulls Alfeegi to the door. 'Raselene, send word when your friend starts to get bored, okay?'  
'Yes Tetheus. I will.'  
_Now, what **will** I spend that favour on?_

Tetheus walks Alfeegi back to his room, talking calmly all the time about ways to stop Ruwalk signing anything or enacting any stupid laws. _After the last time we swore that we'd create an action plan to deal with it. How could we have let it slip? Still, Alfeegi's obviously been thinking about it since, some of his ideas are really good._ Alfeegi keeps Tetheus talking at his room and it is only by pointing out that both of them need to be clear-headed with a good night's sleep, that he manages to get away. _What, did he want me to hold his hand all night? Alfeegi, Alfeegi. don't you still have your frog to keep you company? *mental smile* Ah, finally I can return to Cernozoa. She'll probably be a little angry. Fun night ahead!_ However, waiting at the door to his room is one of Raselene's handmaids. _Ooh, you were a 6. Country girl, still shy, innocent and prudish. I wonder if you've matured._

She curtseys. 'Lady Raselene says that the Dragonlord's missing.'  
'Yes, I've made arrangements to find him.' Tetheus pushes the door to his room...  
'She means the other Dragonlord sir. He's gone.'  
_Why tonight?_  
He looks calmly at the girl. 'Thank you Celia dear, you can tell the Dragon Queen that I got the message.'  
She curtseys again and runs off.

_If I was Ruwalk, drunk, the Dragonlord and it was late at night...where would I be? ? ? Gambling! Where's Thatz the one time that I need him? There's a high stakes game on tonight, I bet Ruwalk's there, how on earth am I going to find it?_

With a sinking feeling, Tetheus checks with the guards on duty at the door. 'Have you seen Ruwalk this evening?'  
'Yes sir, he just went out sir.'  
'Ruwalk's not allowed to leave the castle.'  
The guards start to sweat. 'We know sir, but I'm afraid that he said that he was the Dragonlord and he told us that he could leave.'  
'This is precisely why he is never, ever allowed to leave the castle without either myself, the Dragonlord, or one of the other Dragon Officers accompanying him. Now, before I demote you to dunnikinivers, why don't you tell me which way he went.'

The two guards are extremely helpful and point Tetheus in the right direction. They also offer him the lowdown on some of the fun spots in that area, a few of which are completely new to Tetheus. _Hmm, I know what I'm doing on my next night off._ After a frantic search, Tetheus finds Ruwalk in a seedy and smelly room, with several card sharps, and quite a few empty bottles of Peach Schnaps. _Mmmm Peach Schnaps. The perfect drink to get a girl drunk on. I remember...Shit focus._

'Ruwalk! You're leaving.'

Ruwalk turns to Tetheus, the usual idiotic grin on his face. 'Tetheus, Tetheus join me.' He smiles at the other players. 'This is my good luck charm. He's my Chief Security Officer! And he looks great in a skirt.' Tetheus arches his eyebrows at this and the other players get the message. No-one will ever mention this, or even think about this moment ever again. 'Sit, sit!'  
'There's no seat. It's okay I'll stand. You're leaving now anyway.'  
'Oh poot. Look, last hand, last hand. Look at my cards, I can't lose. Here, sit on my lap.'

_ Gift horse, mouth._ Tetheus sits down on Ruwalk's lap and Ruwalk immediately wraps his arms around him and snuggles his face into Tetheus's side. _He doesn't seem to notice that he's just shown his cards to everyone. Oh well I don't care. I'm sitting on his lap. Hee hee hee._

'What's in the pot?'  
'Doesn't matter, I can't lose.'  
_Lots of gold, several bits of paper, that even looks like a deed. Ruwalk doesn't carry that much cash. What's he gambling with?_  
'Ruwalk, what's in the pot?'  
'Does it really matter? It's the last hand, I promise!'  
_He's eyeing the deed. Oh no, that can't be good. Still, Ruwalk doesn't have any..._

Tetheus reaches over and grabs the deed. It's been written out by hand, but it has all the legal form and stamps needed. _ I can't quite make out the title...His handwriting stinks...His lap's really warm, I wonder if he's planning to take me home after this hand. Hee hee hee._ He then decrypts the title on the deed.

_'The Dragon Castle!!! You're gambling with the deed to the **Castle?** That's our home, Ruwalk! You can't gamble away our home! Think of the Knights! Where're we going to live? Alfeegi will **kill** us!'_ He grabs Ruwalk around the throat and starts to shake.

'Tet' 'Ay' 'Us'  
'What!'  
'If you kill me I'll lose the hand.'

'Oh.' Tetheus lets go and twines his fingers into Ruwalk's hair. 'Don't lose.'  
'Any more bets?' one non-descript man among the many, calls for final bets. When no-one raises, he asks everyone to turn over their cards.

'Tetheus.'  
'Yes.'  
'That means we lose.'  
'Right. Fine. Let me handle this. Don't interfere okay?'  
'Yes. Sorry.'  
Tetheus looks to the faceless shadows around the table. 'Lads, you have to give me a chance to win some of it back.'  
A random figure leans forward. 'Son, do you have anything which can match the stake.?'  
'Just one thing. Your very own Dragonlord, with all the powers and authority thereof.'  
'Deal him in.'

After several more hands, the game breaks up. Tetheus and Ruwalk leave, with their pockets bulging. 'You do realise, that technically, the Dragon Castle now belongs to me.' Ruwalk runs his arm through Tetheus's. 'And you now own your very own Dragonlord.'_ This night is really looking up._ 'Tetheus?' Ruwalk looks up at Tetheus, confused. _You look so cute, you're so sweet when you're drunk. Sweet and easy. I wish you could be this close to me when sober. Hey! I'm not complaining though. Wow. Alcohol, thank you._ 'How did you get so good at playing cards?'  
'You didn't think it was coincidence that Thatz has never invited me to one of his poker nights? I had him down to his pants before he ended the first one and since then he's hid the location of each one from me.'_ I'd like a few more opportunities to get Thatz down to his pants. He's filled out a lot since then. _  
'So, what's the first thing you're gonna ask your Dragonlord to do?'  
'Well, the poker champion could really do with a backrub.'  
'Yay. That's something I'm good at.' Ruwalk rubs his cheek against Tetheus's shoulder and yawns. 'Are we there yet?'_ Hee hee hee._

The Dragon Castle, now under new ownership, _ I wonder if I could turn Alfeegi's bedroom into a squash court,_ is just a few hundred metres further and waiting to greet them, arms firmly crossed, is Alfeegi.

'You found him then.'  
'Tetheus won me in a poker game.'  
'How much did we lose?'  
'Tetheus won everything back. He's the best. I'm definitely bringing him with me the next time.'  
'Well, that's alright then. It's late, I've got a lot of documents for you to sign tomorrow. You'd better head straight to sleep. Goodnight.' As Alfeegi passes Tetheus he whispers, 'it's okay. I've cleared his room of every bottle, so in the morning he should be sober. There's no need for you to watch him tonight.'_ Damn you Alfeegi._ As soon as Alfeegi says this, Ruwalk whispers back, 'don't worry Tetheus. I've loads of hiding places he hasn't found yet.'_ Thank you Ruwalk._

As Tetheus escorts Ruwalk back to his room, where all the trouble started, he wonders, _is there something that I've forgotten?_ The vision of a lovely young dragon woman, practically naked and bound to his headboard completely fails to cross his mind. 


	4. Consequences

Wow is this chapter four already? I'll have run out of ideas soon. Anyhow, thanks to everyone who reviewed, however I find it strange that no-one pointed out that I'd spelt Cernozoa and Raselene's names wrong. I could go through the other chapters and rewrite it, but if no-one's said anything I guess no-one's bothered about it. 

The embarrassing thing is that I remember checking the spelling in one of the books before I loaded up the first chapter. 

As before _italics_ are Tetheus's thoughts and he is a pervert. 

* * *

Tetheus and Alfeegi met early this morning, to go over their notes from the previous days events. They're still talking about it as they make their way to the dining room for lunch. 

'Luckily, Ruwalk's sober this morning. I think he's got a pretty bad hangover, he's been holding his head since he emerged this morning, he looks really bad.' Alfeegi thinks, then continues 'and he's walking funny.'  
'I wonder if he had a rough night?'_ Did I manage to keep that light enough? Hwah hwah, oh **man** what a night. I can't believe that the castle didn't wake up and bang on the walls/ceiling/floor. He was **voracious**. It's good to be me. Mmmmm. I'm going to remember last night forever, every night, I'll never have trouble getting it u...ooouch._  
'Cernozoa, is something wrong?' Alfeegi's voice rouses Tetheus from his wet dream, as much as the stabbing pain in his arm.

Cernozoa is glaring at Tetheus's head. As soon as he turns to face her she looks away and stomps off pointedly. Tetheus is left rubbing his arm, _that's gonna bruise_ and sighing sadly. Alfeegi looks at him questioningly.

'She's mad at me.'  
'Why?'  
_Maybe because I left her tied up all night and only noticed when she wasn't at breakfast this morning._ 'Oh because I was supposed to meet her last night and after everything that happened, I forgot. She doesn't look like forgiving me anytime soon.' _I don't know what kind of an excuse she'd accept. Maybe if she knew I'd a chance at Ruwalk, she'd forgive me. Then again, she might get upset that she wasn't invited, after all, she thinks he's hot too and is always sounding me out about a threesome when we're in bed together._

'You and Cernozoa are...?' _Alfeegi looks kinda shocked, but then, everything surprises him, poor lad._  
'Yeah, we are.'  
'Officially?'  
'Oh no, not really, still avoiding gossip at the moment. And right now, **we** aren't looking too hot.'  
'Wow, soon I'll be the only single Dragon Officer.'  
'Well, Ruwalk and Kai-Stern will always be single. Unless the lord orders them to marry one of their flings, they'll never settle down.'  
'...I think that they...'

The object of Tetheus's lust comes into view, looking everywhere and anywhere but at Tetheus and Alfeegi. Tetheus completely loses interest in what Alfeegi has to say.

_Ruwalk, mmmmmmm. Hey, he's the only one that can sort things out between me and Cernozoa. She likes talking to him, it always puts her in a sweet mood, so even if she's still upset, she won't be as upset._

Tetheus calls out to Ruwalk. 

'Ruwalk! Could you please tell Cernozoa that we were together last night?'  
'But we weren't!' Ruwalk walks swiftly past Tetheus, talking to the air surrounding him and avoiding all eye-contact.

_Ouch, I think he's regretting last night. Damn, if he won't tell her, there goes regular sex._  
_Oh Ruwalk. How much do you remember? I hope you at least remember that it was good. You certainly said so, over and over and over and sideways too. Oh man. I really need to make up with Cernozoa._

'Tetheus, he's acting very oddly.'   
_They always tend to. He'll come back, maybe drunk, disgusted with himself for wanting me, but no-one loves like Tetheus, hoo-ya! Ah, I've got to place an extra-large tick beside his name on the list. Mmmmm, Ruwalk._

  


Ruwalk.

  
Ruwalk.

  
Ruwalk.

  
Ruwalk.

  
Ok, who's next?

'Tetheus?'  
'Mmmm? Oh? What? Yes, Alfeegi?'  
'Don't you think that he's acting a little oddly today?' Alfeegi eyes Tetheus doubtfully. _Compose yourself Tetheus. You have to keep up appearances. If the dope fiend here can sense that something's happened with you, it should be obvious to everyone else._  
'Well, he's probably ashamed of the state he got into last night.'_ That's certainly true. Hoo-ya!_ 'I mean, I think we managed to cover all the bases, there should be no nasty surprises.'_ Like there were for him this morning. Hoo-ya!... I have got to stop doing that._ Tetheus runs his hand over his hair, lightly, with minimal grease pick-up. 'In a way it reflects really badly on him, that we can cope while he's incapacitated and actively interfering with our duties.' _And he was worried about losing his job before..._

Alfeegi's stunned for a moment. 'But he's the Dragonlord's best friend! I doubt that Lykouleon would get rid of him even if he spent half the treasury in a drinking binge.'  
'Or lost the castle in a game of cards?'  
'He'd get it back soon enough. No-one can say no to Lykouleon.' Alfeegi sighs wistfully and Tetheus can almost believe what Raselene told him last night. _He's no more gay than I am. Who wouldn't want the Dragonlord, but still, who'd ever give up women? There are so many sweet, delectable flavours in the castle, and even more beyond the walls. Of all the women I've had though, Cernozoa is a perfect ten. She's almost as big of a pervert as I am. I guess that's why we keep returning to circle each other._

Alfeegi's continued to talk as Tetheus muses to himself. He's back onto the subject of Ruwalk and Dragon Officers in general. '...I don't think that it's actually possible to get rid of us. I can't stop being the white Dragon officer any more than you can stop being the Black Dragon Officer.'   
'Black and white. We should be polar opposites. What do you think Alfeegi?'  
'I think we've got more in common than you realise.' Alfeegi's speech gets a bit breathy and he swiftly reaches into his jacket pocket and brings out his bottle of pills. Two pills quickly disappear down his throat. Tetheus turns to him and frowns a little.  
'You should be careful of those Alfeegi. You should only really use them when you need to. You don't want to get stuck on them, after all. We'd be in trouble if you became a junkie.' He places his hand on Alfeegi's shoulder. 'Take care of yourself Alfeegi. There are people here that depend on you.' He looks at the direction Ruwalk disappeared in. 'Ruwalk will always be the yellow Dragon Officer, but he may not always be the Secretary of State. You could easily fill in for him, or even Kai-Stern in a pinch.' Tetheus gestures as he continues. 'Not that we could keep him here for too long. His feet'd get itchy and he'd be even worse than the Dragonlord himself when he's in a funk.'  
'Anyway, Ruwalk's sober now and doesn't look like he'll drink any more in a hurry. We don't need to watch him and just have to wait for the Dragonlord to come home.'  
'Yes.' They've reached the doors to the dining room and Tetheus flings them open grandly, then turns to look at Alfeegi. 'Have you decided what you're going to say to him when he gets back?'  
Alfeegi grimaces. 'The speech gets longer every hour. If he takes more than a day to come home, I'll have to write it out or risk forgetting some. And I've some very choice words to say to him.' Alfeegi spits the last few words out. _I'll have to book myself a front row seat for that one. I think I'll pass the message down the line too. Everyone likes to see the Dragonlord get chewed out by Alfeegi. It's great entertainment._

Lunch today is smoked fish with a nice side salad. Alfeegi and Tetheus take the last two seats which happen to be down the table from Ruwalk, who sneaks a glimpse at Tetheus every now and again, but whose motives are undiscernable. Cernozoa herself plonks Tetheus's food down in front of him, but doesn't once make eye contact with him. _She can't have forgiven me, not this quickly._ He eyes her suspiciously as she makes her way to the kitchen for the next lunch. _Just in case..._

'Alfeegi, you look half starved. Here, take my lunch,' he pushes the plate over to his fellow Dragon Officer. 'I'll get mine from the next round.'  
'Thanks Tetheus. I am quite hungry.'

Alfeegi immediately tucks in. _No ill effects at all so far. Maybe I'm just being paranoid._ As Cernozoa comes out with the other maids, Tetheus gets her attention.  
'Another plate for me Cernozoa.'  
He watches her gaze flow from his face, to the empty space on the table in front of him, to Alfeegi, gulping down the fish with gusto. It slowly turns into one of horror. _Score. I wonder what she put in it. It should be good for a laugh when it kicks in and I suppose I should feel guilty, so I'll mind you this evening Alfeegi. Hmmm. _

The lunch is a rather sober affair. No-one really has much to say, any gossip about Ruwalk's stint as the Dragonlord last night is muted and Raselene is shooting daggers at anyone that sticks their head up._ Looks like Ruwalk's not the only one regretting last night._ Ruwalk himself has turned his wineglass upside down and is sticking with water. _There's a change. I hope our night together didn't turn you from the path of a lush. Although, it could be something to be proud of. If I want to get with you again it looks as though it's going to be a lot harder. I just hope that little alchemist runs out of excuses soon. Even if I've crossed Ruwalk off the list, a strong love potion can't hurt when I choose my next target._

Cernozoa gets up first from the table and rushes into the kitchens. _Let the games begin._ He turns his gaze to Alfeegi, who's starting to look a little pale.   
'You okay 'Feegi?'  
'I feel a little off colour. I'm not brushing you off...but I have to go. I'll talk to you later.' He runs off. _Okay, okay. You're heading to your rooms...I think I can cut you off. Who will get there first? _

Tetheus rises like an avenging shadow and makes off on his own path to Alfeegi's rooms. His route covers many more deserted corridors and he's able to reach top speed. _Alfeegi will most likely be much slower than me. The way he's feeling I doubt he'll get up to a run._ Tetheus is almost to the alcove across from Alfeegi's rooms when he hears a set of footsteps coming up behind him. _Alfeegi? _ He ducks into the alcove's shadow and peers out at the white Dragon Officer. Alfeegi reaches his hand up to the door when he doubles over. By reflex his hand moves toward his jacket pocket and the pills that rest inside. 

'Alfeegi wait!'

Cernozoa hurries up to Alfeegi and thus stops him from taking out his pills. 'Your fish was rather heavily spiced I'm afraid, it might be having an effect on your tummy. Here, take this.' She hands him a few stalks of a herb Tetheus doesn't recognise. _I wonder if you'd have been on hand with that if **I'd** eaten the food instead._  
Alfeegi takes it and smiles at her. 'Thank you Cernozoa.  
'I'm really sorry Alfeegi.'  
_Ah, a pang of conscience, it's nice to see...that I'm still the master._  
'Don't be, it was delicious!' _Alfeegi looks so earnest. Oh man, if this gets anymore priceless I'm going to give myself away by laughing._

Cernozoa worriedly watches Alfeegi eat the herbs. It takes a while but his breathing becomes less laboured and colour returns to his cheeks. She looks quite relieved.

'I'm glad you're feeling better. I have to return to my duties now.'  
'Wait.' Alfeegi looks at her until she stops and returns his glance. 'I'm glad you're here, there's something I want to talk to you about.'  
_Eh?_  
'What's that?'  
'It's about Tetheus.'  
_Me?_ Cernozoa stiffens and starts to turn away, but Alfeegi stops her. His face is gentle and understanding.  
'Tetheus is hurt you know.'  
_Horny maybe, but hardly hurt. Slightly miffed at most, but I'll get her back eventually Alfeegi. I don't need your help._  
'Tetheus?' She laughs right in his face._ Ouch, now I'm hurt. Damn her, she knows me too well by half._  
'He's been acting so strangely. Distracted. He's not really listened to a word I've said all morning.'   
_I never listen, I just usually hide it better._  
'Alfeegi.' She motions to dismiss his argument.  
'This is Tetheus we're talking about. Ice cold, hard-ass Tetheus.' _Hey!_  
'You have a point.' _Et tu Cernozoa?_  
'It was only when he told me about you two...'  
'Wait. He told you about, about **us?**'  
'Yes, he said that the two of you were together, though you were keeping it quiet from the gossips for the time being.' _*mental nod* That's right. For the moment we're together._

This revelation has a much larger effect on Cernozoa than Tetheus would have expected. A slight smile lights up her face, which she turns to the side while thinking deeply. 'So he finally admitted it.' She turns back to Alfeegi and unleashes the full beam of her smile on him. _She's beautiful. And hot too. Lucky me._  
'Thank you Alfeegi. Don't worry, the break-up isn't fatal.' She strokes his arm gently and Tetheus notices the goosebumps that flow up Alfeegi's arm in response. _Don't get any ideas Alfeegi, she's mine. You're really shy around girls aren't you? Maybe that's why everyone thinks you're gay. If I get bored, I can think of a few ways to use that to make entertainment._

Cernozoa turns and slowly sashays up the hallway. Alfeegi watches her go.

_Come on Alfeegi, **move**. I want to get to the next act. I'm sure Cernozoa will have a surprise or two for me and I need to prepare._

Alfeegi smiles for a while and finding himself by his room, he moves inside.

Tetheus decloaks. 'You lazy bastard Alfeegi. It's only just gone two.' He smiles a little though. 'I'll forgive you just this once.' 


	5. Beware, Mary Sue!

Okay, I have a few more ideas. A **lot **more actually. Just when I thought that I'd run out, a chapter goes and gives me more seeds than it uses. 

This chapter is still based on one of my original ideas. Hopefully, next week I'll get to the last one, which is all about Alfeegi. Well, actually, now I think about it, Alfeegi won't be in it much, but he's vital for the plot thread.

**Warning**, a creature known as Mary Sue arrives in this chapter, but she doesn't last, in case you're worried.

As before _italics_ are Tetheus's thoughts and he's not the only pervert in the castle, just the biggest one.

* * *

Ruwalk smiles as he wanders through Castle. It's rare to find the place so empty and for him to have some space to himself. There's usually someone running up asking him to sign things, for his opinion on something or telling him about an interesting happening and would he like to go? The sound of silence echoes through the ancient halls and the scent of...of...mmm? Ruwalk notices that flowers have been freshly placed in the vases outside Alfeegi's study. He leans over and tastes their perfume. Heavenly.

Suddenly, a pair of hands snake out from a nearby alcove and wrap themselves around him. One of the hands covers his mouth and not even the barest mumble can get through its air-tight seal. Ruwalk tries to raise his arms to free his mouth but finds them bound by the arm that is twined around his torso and that is now dragging him back toward that shady hollow. The smooth floor that's so good for sliding down in socks offers no purchase and Ruwalk is unable to do anything to keep himself in the light. 

Finally he is swallowed up by the darkness and he assesses the one that holds him. He's towered over by this figure and as he is held ever more tightly, a familiar scent makes its way up his nose. A scent that brings back memories that he's tried so hard to forget. Ruwalk struggles madly. But the grip that holds him is iron and doesn't waver. As he begins to lose hope, he feels the breath of the one holding him travel from the top of his head down towards his ear. Ruwalk shivers, but knows that his fight is lost. He awaits his captor's next move, frustrated, scared (and secretly excited).

"Listen." The voice is quiet and Ruwalk realises that the arms haven't moved at all. They've not sought to caress him or stimulate him. Curious, he does as the voice asks and finally notices the most dreaded sound in the Dragon Castle. Recognising the deathly tremble that travels up Ruwalk's spine, he is released by his captor. Slowly Ruwalk turns around, mouthing the dreaded words. "Mary Sue?"

Tetheus nods, Alfeegi holds his finger up to his lips and the crowd of Dragon Fighters who are also squeezed into the alcove look more scared than ever.

The sound that has them all trapped gets louder and louder. Finally the volume is raised to the point where words can be made out of the indistinct mumble.

"Mary Sue slowly continues her melancholy ramble through the Dragon Castle. Her heart, heavy with the weight of her personal tragedy, seeks to return to the earth that gave it birth and it is all she can do to put one foot in front of the other and keep her head facing the light. The light which is outside, strongly represented in these candles here."

Mary Sue examines a candle sconce nearby and sighs deeply. She does not choose to enlighten us as to what memories these items represent. Her monologue continues just when the dragons figured that the dramatic pause might last all day.

"Mary Sue, so unhappy in these halls, which should be the source of great joy, now that she is finally reunited with her own kind having been tortured by yokai for almost the entirety of her young life. Just when everything seemed to finally have turned around for Mary Sue, she made a number of impossible choices. Ooh!"

Mary Sue turns to the side as the pain of her latest personal tragedy grows too hard for her to bear. A few choked sobs emerge from her and the dragons wonder how long she'll be camped outside Alfeegi's study. As Dragon Officers, the fighters have given as much room as possible to Alfeegi, Tetheus and Ruwalk, but as a result their legs are starting to buckle from the cramp and if she doesn't move on soon, their hiding place will be given away. Tetheus glares at the fighters whimpering behind him. The open threat here is that the first fighter to give away their position to Mary Sue will be assigned as her personal body guard. No-one will move.

"Mary Sue's tragedy has changed from hideous torture at the hands of yokai beasts to emotional torture at the hands of the dragon officers." 

Tetheus, Ruwalk and Alfeegi exchange furious glances. Who's the one at fault here? Who's given Mary Sue yet another bone to chew? The intense silent debate is halted as Mary Sue starts to speak again. Despite themselves, they listen in to her numbing, self-pitying, self-absorbed, stream of consciousness.

"Mary Sue is tortured by the emotional fallout of her torrid affair with Tetheus."

All eyes turn to Tetheus.  
"A torrid love affair?" Alfeegi hisses.  
"I was drunk. Remember the Christmas party?"  
"Yeah, she was like, totally haunting the mistletoe." This came from one of the Dragon Fighters.  
"Ssh, she'll hear us!"

Everyone calms down as Mary Sue opens her mouth again.

"And Alfeegi."

Alfeegi raises his hands and opens his mouth over and over. Finally he blushes and whispers, "what Tetheus said. I was drunk."  
Tetheus catches Ruwalk's eye while Alfeegi's still embarrassed and indicates the top pocket of his jacket. Ruwalk gets the reference to Alfeegi's pills and nods.

Mary Sue is standing quietly, holding herself in her arms and sighing in a happy manner. Looking up, she sees the door to Alfeegi's study and strokes it affectionately.

Alfeegi blushes again. He whispers softly, "really drunk."

"Oh Alfeegi. This is the site of our many happy times together. But I never told you that my heart was captured by another. I played with your emotions, gaining your total and devoted love, yet I deceived you so cruelly." Mary Sue sighs dramatically and holds a weary wrist up to her fevered brow. "I am truly a useless and unworthy person. For the one I truly exist for, the one that I have sworn my soul to, the one I am destined to be with, is Ruwalk."

Ruwalk's reaction is contained by Tetheus and all that emerges is a faint squeak. Luckily this is ignored by Mary Sue, despite her keen hearing. At the moment, she is too busy clasping her under-developed bosom and shaking her limp brown hair.

"Oh Ruwalk, all of my actions, all of my faults, can you forgive them? I have kissed other men, more than once."

Alfeegi coughs "once" and "drunk" before the dragon fighters silence him, their fear overcoming their respect for the office of White Dragon Officer.

"And worst of all, I have also promised to marry Kai-Stern when he returns from his latest trip. How can our love survive this, let alone grow and prosper. How can we be together when I am the wife of your best friend?"

Mary Sue poses dramatically, her keen eyes peering into the gloom and expertly making out every single detail in all the dark and gloomy hollows, except for the three dragon officers and six dragon fighters holed up in the alcove directly across from her.

The bell tolls from the main clock and reverberates down the corridor. Mary Sue applies her best startled bunny impression and returns to her monologue.

"Oh no. It is now seven o'clock and I must leave..."  
Sigh of relief  
"...and go to the quarters of the Dragonlord. For I, Mary Sue, have sworn to bear his love-child and provide an heir for the Dragon Kingdom!"

On this dramatic note, Mary Sue sweeps out of the scene. The dragons slowly emerge from the hollow, giving themselves enough time to ensure that she is really gone and not simply planning some sort of dramatic return.

"So that's why Kai-Stern's not been around for the past few weeks."  
"Tetheus. It's been six months!" Ruwalk's shocked that Tetheus has underestimated the amount of time the Foreign Secretary's been missing.  
"Really? That long?."  
Alfeegi shakes his head. "She must have really put the fear into that poor guy."  
Tetheus snorts at Alfeegi. "Can you imagine it? Being married to Mary Sue? I doubt we'll ever see him again."  
Ruwalk's been thoughtful during the last few comments. "Someone will have to tell the Dragonlord. If this is why Kai-Stern hasn't been touching base with us, he needs to know."  
"Do you think he'll sort Mary Sue out?"  
"Kai-Stern's not touched base in six months?" Alfeegi's starting to shake. "Imagine how much money he's spent in SIX WHOLE MONTHS!"  
"'Feegi, he hasn't been home in six months. He hasn't picked up any cash."  
"He's got a line of credit in at least three cities on Dusis. I've had to pay off his creditors before. Curse you Kai-Stern! Mary Sue's only here because she's waiting for you to come home."  
"And because Ruwalk is her one true love." Tetheus thoughtfully points that last bit out. Everyone eyes the lucky Ruwalk who looks incredibly uncomfortable.  
"Hey, if she likes you, why hasn't she gone for you yet?"  
"If she was happy with Ruwalk, then it wouldn't be tragic."

Everyone nods in agreement. One of the Dragon Fighters looks a little upset and is being comforted by a friend.

"She never mentioned me at all."

Everyone stares at him. He looks up, unused to the attention when the Dragon Officers are nearby.

"It's just that she's had such a terrible life. She told me all about it the very first time we met. I was so touched by her open-ness, even before I'd introduced myself. I'm so impressed by her. The way she's managed to overcome her personal tragedy is so inspiring!"

This wide-eyed young and impressionable dragon has his support removed as his friend, along with the other dragons, fears catching the Mary Sue cooties from him. _I wonder if this sickness is catching. Maybe we should put him down and burn the corpse just in case. _One of the fighters speaks.

"It's okay. He's just gullible. He believes that Thatz plays with fair dice."

_Mental note. Play poker with this guy when I need to finance my next trip to the red light district of Zulebigga._

Alfeegi freezes. "Wait! She's gone to the Dragonlord's quarters. He's still not home yet, right? That means that she could be back soon!"

The dragons prepare to flee before the gullible one speaks up.

"I don't know. She's been right about this sort of thing before."  
Nods and general agreement arises from the Dragon Fighters.  
"Yeah, she seems to have some sort of weird sixth sense about plot developments like these. Remember when Enther was poisoned by that snake and then she was just walking past with the antidote?"  
"I dunno dude. There was a rumour going around that she'd been seen carrying a bag of snakes in the garden, just before Enther was bitten."  
"How could you tell what was in the bag? That's nonsense."  
"No dude, it was like all wriggling, I swear."  
"You saw it yourself?"  
"No dude, but my sources are good."

While the Dragon Fighters continue their bickering about the supposed psychic abilities of Mary Sue, the Dragon Officers step aside to discuss Lord Lykouleon.

"Do you think he could be back?"  
"Is it worth risking meeting Mary Sue?"  
Alfeegi squishes his lips together. "I've got my lecture finished and polished off."  
Tetheus looks at Ruwalk, Ruwalk looks at Alfeegi and Alfeegi looks at Tetheus.  
"Do we risk it?"  
Ruwalk nods. "We should. We have a duty to the Lord and that is greater than the danger posed by Mary Sue."  
"Agreed."  
"Agreed."

The three sigh and place their hands, one on the shoulder of each of the other two Officers. They draw a deep breath together and turn to the direction that Mary Sue disappeared in. Huddled together for comfort they nervously follow her trail, half-expecting the girl to jump out at them as they approach the quarters of the Dragonlord. The comforting and homely halls of the castle have never been so eerie and unwelcoming. They finally arrive at the Dragonlord's rooms and Tetheus pushes Alfeegi forward.

"You knock."  
He turns to Tetheus in horror.   
"**You** knock!"  
"You're closer."  
"That's a stupid argument!"  
"Just knock Alfeegi! What if we've gotten here before Mary Sue?"

Ruwalk's point is taken by Alfeegi and he raises his fist to the door and knocks loudly.

_What the?_ Tetheus notices the empty space beside him before Alfeegi. The sound of Ruwalk's racing footsteps echo once or twice, before Tetheus cops on enough to follow him. Unfortunately, Alfeegi grabs Tetheus, wanting at least one of his fellow dragon officers to face Mary Sue beside him. _Brilliant idea! Why didn't I follow sooner? Dammit. I'm as much of a dupe as Alfeegi._

The door opens slowly and Alfeegi grabs onto Tetheus, who stands there impassive. _One times one is one. One times two is two...Wait...Six times one is six. Six times two is twelve. Six times three is eighteen. Six times....Lykouleon?_

Indeed the Dragonlord is home _and no sign of Mary Sue preparing to conceive his heir from what I can see from here._

"Alfeegi? Tetheus?"  
"Welcome home my lord."  
"Is uh, Mary Sue there? She said she was coming this way?" Alfeegi's smile is rigid and fixed and doesn't look like moving.  
"Are you actually looking for Mary Sue?"  
"No sir, for you. Welcome home. I just worried that we were interrupting the two of you and we had no wish to do that. I can come back later, to give you my speech." Alfeegi turns to go, but Lykouleon's next words freeze him in place.  
"Mary Sue was here. She told me a long and tragic tale, full of torrid affairs," he looks at both Alfeegi and Tetheus sternly, "true love," a cough down the passage betrays the presence of Ruwalk, "marriage, and a horrifying personal tragedy." Finally he looks discomfited. "She also told me a number of other things that I do not want repeated ever." _Not ready for Mary Sue's love, Lykouleon?_  
"Then she's not actually going to produce the next heir to the Dragon Kingdom?" Alfeegi breathes a sign of relief. "Oh thank goodness. Can you imagine what her offspring would be like?"  
"Alfeegi!" Lykouleon looks angry.  
"Yes my lord?"  
_He's surprised. So am I. What's got the Dragonlord so riled up? Maybe he did it with her. Eeeww. Gross mental image. Think happy thoughts. Ruwalk naked, Ruwalk naked. Ruwalk naked with Kai-Stern, and me and the Dragonlord watching. Mmmmmmmmmmmm._  
"Alfeegi, Mary Sue is a sick little girl. She needs help, not encouragement."  
"And so?" Alfeegi can't stop the natural smile that is forming on his face, even Ruwalk comes out of hiding to better hear the words of the Dragonlord. _Are we finally going to be rid of the curse of Mary Sue?_  
"I'm sending her somewhere that she can be helped. It's a quiet home for the differently sane."  
"You're sending her away?"  
"Although I am not direct family, my position as the Dragonlord gives me a certain amount of influence. The Matron of the Facility, Maneat Gwitch, has accepted my letter of referral and is looking forward to meeting her."  
"Where's the home?"_ I certainly want to avoid that spot whenever possible._  
"Oh, it's a quiet, secluded place, far from civilisation and those tragedy-causing triggers. I believe it's somewhere called the Misty Valley."  
"Misty Valley. Sounds nice. Maybe we could visit her occasionally." _Alfeegi. Why do you have to ruin a perfectly good resolution like this?_  
Lykouleon turns to Alfeegi. "Uh, no. No. Ahem. Until she gets better, over her addiction to tragedy and drama, it's best that she not meet anyone from the castle. Ever again. It's written in my note." He turns to Tetheus. "Inform the castle and **all** the Dragon Fighters to stay away from the Misty Valley. We wouldn't want to cause a relapse in Mary Sue. After all."  
"Do you think she can be helped?" Ruwalk's grinning from ear to ear.  
"Oh I'm sure of it. It may take two or three thousand years, but one day Mary Sue will rejoin the world as a fully functional human being. Although, she won't be welcome here. In case of relapse of course."  
_ Yay Lykouleon. You're the man. Hmm, a celebration is in order. I'm sure that **everyone** wants to get really drunk. Oh, Ruwalk looks thoughtful._  
"I didn't realise that I had that sort of power, when you're away of course, Lykouleon."  
"It's an emergency power for extreme situations only."  
"Of course."   
_I don't like the way he's looking at me._  
"Well, since all of that's dealt with," Alfeegi puffs himself up and firmly marches into the Dragonlord's room. "There's the small matter of where you've been for the **past three weeks!**"  
_*mental groan* Couldn't you have waited until after the piss-up Alfeegi? Or better yet, during._

Ruwalk pushes Tetheus inside and whispers to him. "Come on, let him be. He's been working on this speech for three weeks remember? And once it's over, the Dragonlord is **really** going to want to party.  
_Does this mean that you're returning to the demon drink Ruwalk? Hmm, maybe I will stay after all._

* * *

Okay, so not too much of this episode was set inside Tetheus's head. My excuse is that this is one of the side-effects of Mary Sue. The fear drove conscious thought even from the mind of Tetheus.

Why is this story so easy to write for? 

Anyway, I was talking with a friend about his chapter and I realised that Jasmine from Angel is a Mary Sue. Think about it. She turns up and everyone falls instantly in love with her. They all start acting completely out of character. Also, they start hating one of the main female characters. As well as that, Jasmine is insanely over-powerful.

Oh and all she wants is universal peace, love and harmony. As soon as her spell is broken, they seek to destroy her, because Angel wouldn't be any good if they didn't have their angst.

Oh and finally, Mary Sue will not turn into Cesia. Although it would explain why she's part yokai, part human, part elf and has dragoneyes. 


	6. Alfeegi gets a haircut!

Okay. Every time I set down to write this chapter, something intervenes, I get distracted and I end up writing something completely different. This is my third attempt to write this story. Look at the title. Alfeegi gets a haircut. Today, by hook or by crook, Alfeegi will get a haircut and we all know what that means. Alfeegi + haircut = third-best looking Dragon Officer.

All feedback is gratefully appreciated. I can't write better unless I know what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong.

**Warning!** Tetheus is a pervert. If you don't like perverted Tetheuses, look away now.

As always, _italics_ are Tetheus's thoughts.

* * *

The bed is soft. Feathers stuff the quilt above and the mattress below. The warmth of two bodies heats the covers. Sunlight peeks in through a chink in the curtains to light the scene. Clothes are strewn around the bed, left as they fell the night before. Tetheus stirs as the body beside him moves to face him and a voice like satin speaks.

"You have to get up soon."

He turns only his head.

"I'm too sick to go to work. I've come down with terminal exhaustion."  
"Which I suppose you'll blame on me?"

The couple lapse into silence. Tetheus relaxes and focuses on the heart beating near his own. An arm lazily encircles his body and a cheek presses itself to his chest.  
"So is it true? Did you really sleep with him?"  
"Yes. Why is that so hard for you to believe?"

The body slides over him, the friction providing a pleasant heat.  
"Alfeegi won't be impressed."

Tetheus closes his eyes and stretches his head back.  
"Alfeegi's very hard to impress."

The weight shifts, then leaves his body. Tetheus flicks open his eyes and grabs the shoulder of the one leaving his bed. His lips trail kisses over the smooth skin as he murmurs.  
"You know, terminal exhaustion can be highly contagious. The only cure is prolonged bed rest."

A sharp laugh echoes throughout the untidy chamber and a softly mocking voice calls down to him.  
"Unlike you, the castle would fall apart if I wasn't around."

Tetheus reaches up and draws a face down to his lips.  
"Let it. For today. Let the whole thing fall down."

His kisses are eagerly returned, but the body does not unstiffen. His hands roam and probe the secret places, yet his companion continues, slowly, to rise from the bed. Tetheus is left grasping at empty air as he watches clothing rise from the floor to adorn the body of the one standing before him. Somehow, this is far more erotic than the act of removing them was.  
"How do I get you to stay?"  
"You can call me when you've recovered from your exhaustion."

The fully dressed figure returns to the bed and grabs his head in both hands. The kiss is long and passionate, but as Tetheus reaches up to hold his lover, once again, the figure disengages. Tetheus vainly watches the graceful walk to his dresser. His hairbrush is examined and the voice tuts disapprovingly.  
"Do you ever wash this?"  
The washing bowl is filled with water from the pitcher beside it and the brush is shaken into it. Softly and slowly the brush rises and falls, as it runs through the silken hair. Then the brush is discarded and with a final glance, the visitor walks over to the door. There, she pauses and looks back at Tetheus.  
"Alfeegi was in town yesterday. He paid a visit to that Alchemist."  
"Really?"

Tetheus strokes the bed and unleashes his sexiest bedroom eyes.  
"Did he get something for his impotence?"  
"No. But he did get the address of a good hairdresser."

Bedroom eyes swiftly turn into poker eyes.

"Oh?"  
"He wasn't sure, after all, he's had the same haircut for the last..." she pauses. "I think he was born with that haircut. Anyway, I managed to convince him that it was time for something new. You'll have to be fast to pay your respects. He said that he was heading down first thing."

She waits after she's pulled the door shut. A loud thump indicates that Tetheus is not best pleased with her news and is hurrying to get to Alfeegi before he heads out. Cernozoa smiles.  
"That'll teach you to ditch me for Ruwalk."

* * *

_That wench! Damn I have to rush. Curse you Alfeegi, why do you have to be such an early bird? I could already be too late!_

Tetheus leaps out of the bed and wrenches open the chest of drawers. He grabs the first pair of trousers his hands fall onto and tries to stick his legs into them while making his way across the floor to his wardrobe. After a few hopeless hops, he loses balance and hits the floor with a loud thump.

_Wench!_

He manages to right himself and spends a few precious moments pulling up his trousers before attempting to reach the wardrobe once more.  
_Socks? Nah, I can come back for them afterwards too. All I need is a shirt and my shoes. I can get away without a belt too._

The wardrobe contains hanger after hanger of neat shirts, immaculately collected, each one neatly pressed in place, with none extending beyond its brother. Tetheus's mad panic pulls several out of place while the chosen shirt nearly loses one of its buttons as he tries to pull it on.  
_Damn. Why do I have to button up each of these shirts before I put it back in the wardrobe? Can't I have left even one undone?_  
Tetheus's fingers turn to thumbs as he struggles with the buttons.  
_And since when did these buttons become so damn hard to open? Has Rath been in here with superglue again?_  
The judicious application of teeth, combined with much swearing allows Tetheus to finally open the shirt and yank it on. His gaze falls to the neatly ordered shoes and he delicately hooks out a pair of unworn slip-ons with his toes, before sliding his feet inside. All the while he is buttoning his shirt, which has become no easier. A final dash to his chest of drawers and Tetheus slows down. He admires himself in the mirror first, then reaches out and opens a tin on the countertop. A nearby comb is gingerly dipped into the tin, which is half-full of some sort of goop and then carefully combed through his hair. The reflection in the mirror is breathing heavily, does not have his shirt tucked in, but his hair is perfect. Tetheus raises a final hand to his barnet, checks the sides and then runs for the door.

_Now, if I was Alfeegi...It's early morning and I want to go into town for a haircut. Before I go I want to..._ Tetheus ponders, _ ...get all my shouting done. The knights aren't home, Kai-Stern's away, that leaves Lykouleon and Ruwalk. They'd be in their studies or the library about now..._ Tetheus raises a hand to his chin. _The library's closest to the front gate, I guess that's my best bet._

Decision made, Tetheus races off in the direction of the library, his shirt flapping in the breeze. _I hope this run doesn't muss my hair._

The library door is closed, but not for long. The image of a heavily panting, unkempt, sweating Tetheus fills the entrance and scares the hell out of poor Ruwalk who was minding his own business. He backs up against the wall as the hulking form of the Chief of Security approaches him.  
"Now, Tetheus. I know that what we had was special to you, but I think I've made it quite clear that..."  
_**"Have you...seen...Alfeegi."**_ Tetheus's breath falls heavily from his mouth._ Darn. Last night must have taken a lot more out of me than I thought. It had been quite a while, I think I overextended myself. You really should loosen up and stretch before those kind of gymnastics. Mental note: In future, stretch and limber up before accepting Cernozoa's invitations to talk._  
Ruwalk's mouth opens and closes a few times before he answers. "You're looking for Alfeegi?"  
_**"Yes."**_ More heavy breathing. Tetheus reaches out an arm and braces himself against the wall, unaware that he's pinning Ruwalk as he does so. _**"Is...he...still...here?"  
**_ "Alfeegi?"  
Tetheus merely nods, his face growing closer and closer to Ruwalk as his strength wanes. Ruwalk's clearly growing uncomfortable, but doesn't attempt to escape. In fact, he merely holds his book to his chest to protect himself from Tetheus. The title can therefore be clearly seen. 

_Mating Habits of Various Exotic Peoples_

Tetheus's head drops until his nose touches the book, moving it from side to side he reads the title. _Mating Habits of What? Thinking of me? If only I didn't have a more pressing matter.** "Alfeegi?"**_  
"I'm afraid he's gone. He should be back before supper."  
**_"Then I'm...too...late."_**

Tetheus slowly swings himself away from Ruwalk until his back hits the wall. His eyes rise to view the ceiling as he slowly slides down onto his haunches. His heavy breathing continues unchanged.  
"Tetheus, are you all right?"  
Tetheus lowers his eyes to Ruwalk. _Huh? You actually look pretty concerned, I'm touched. I don't look **that** bad do I?_  
"You look pretty dishevelled and you never look untidy. You can't breathe properly and you can't even stand." He smiles weakly. "I could finally beat you at arm wrestling."   
Tetheus looks at him a little longer before answering. _I think that you're incredibly sexy from this angle. I wish you'd nurse me back to health.** "Sick. Taking day off."**_  
"Of course. I'll tell the Dragonlord. Do you need some help getting back to your room?"  
He nods. **_"Give me...minute."_**  
"Whenever you're ready." Ruwalk squeezes Tetheus's shoulder before settling down with his book. He casts furtive glances at Tetheus every now and again, each of which is noted and catalogued by the Black Dragon Officer. _ Worry. Worry. Fear. Protective. Want? Is that lust? Boredom. Guess the book isn't that exotic. Curiosity. Worry again. Oh well, I guess I could make it back now._

As Tetheus straightens up, Ruwalk closes his book and hurries over. He pulls Tetheus to his feet and then inserts himself under Tetheus's arm, which fits neatly around his shoulders. _Hmm? You're the perfect height for me Ruwalk, just tall enough to look me easily in the eye and just short enough for me to tower over you. And my arm fits so snugly around your shoulders. I can get a good view of your arse if I lean back too._ The two stagger up to Tetheus's room, which stuns Ruwalk with its state of disarray.

Tetheus tries momentarily to fumble with the buttons, but instead kicks off his shoes and crawls onto the bed. Ruwalk stares at the room. Clothing from the night before is still scattered around, the chest of drawers is open and has identical pairs of trousers escaping from it, and the wardrobe is perfectly neat, except for one glaring wound.

"That'll crease." His voice trails off as he wanders over to Tetheus and sits on the edge of the bed. "Tetheus, do you want me to send over the healer?"  
Tetheus murmurs back from where he's buried in the pillow. "Sleep fine."  
"Okay"

Ruwalk reaches out his hand, but pauses inches from Tetheus's hair. Maybe a few memories of their night of passion, or else the shine coming off the goop, stays his hand.  
"Is there anything you want?"  
_Will I risk it?_

No answer is given to him and he stands and makes for the door. Tetheus's voice stops him before he can leave.  
"You're welcome to stay."

Tetheus can't see Ruwalk's smile, but he hears his soft caramel voice promise to look in on him later. The next thing he hears is the door's close, just before he falls asleep

* * *

_What's that noise?_ Cup. _ I just wanna go back to the bunnies. Mmm tomato._ Way cup. _ It's buzzing and annoying. Stop._ Wake up._ What's going on?_ "**Tetheus Wake up!**" _ Huh, what? umph? Huh?_

Tetheus's eyes finally open and see Cernozoa stretched out beside him.  
"Finally. I thought I was going to wait here shouting at you until Alfeegi came home."  
"Huh?" Tetheus raises a hand to shade his eyes from the sun's glare and to hide them from Cernozoa. "Alfeegi's not back yet?"  
"No, and you were like the dead. I was starting to wonder if I'd actually killed you last night. Ruwalk was like all," her voice changes consistency to a velvet caramel, but she fails to capture his essence. Still, Tetheus recognises some of his mannerisms and vocal ticks. "Tetheus is _never_ sick and yet he practically collapsed on me. Poor guy, he must be working too hard." Cernozoa eyes Tetheus at this and reaches over him to plant a loud and wet kiss on his lips. "Working far too hard were we?"  
"God yes." He laughs. "The boss is a slave driver." _And she wields a mean whip. I can't remove my shirt until those scars heal and I was hoping to give one or two lovely ladies a cheap thrill at the next training session._ He flexes his back muscles under the covers, revelling in the sharp sting caused by the welts.  
"So, why'd you talk to Alfeegi?"

Cernozoa sits up in anger and her eyes flare.   
"Are you kidding me? You dumped me for a night with Ruwalk, which isn't fine anyway, even if he is, but you left me tied up all night! I still have rope burns on my wrists you daft bastard!" Her voice rises as she speaks, until she's almost screeching. Tetheus reaches out and grabs her wrists. He lavishes kisses at them before dragging her down to lie beside him.  
"I'm sorry. I should've made an excuse and come to untie you before shagging him senseless. You wouldn't believe what happened that night."  
"Why? How good was he?" Her voice is still bitter.  
"I mean with all the..." _I can't tell her about what happened, the secretaries of the dragonlord have an image to maintain. Just because Ruwalk nearly lost himself in a game of cards, and shagged the Dragonqueen, and me, and signed goodness knows what before I found him. Ooh reminds me. _ "Hey look in the top drawer and bring out the piece of paper you find there."

Cernozoa looks a little sceptical but does as he asks. He props himself up on an elbow and watches her. As she sits back down he gives her the good news.  
"That is the deed to the Dragon Castle. It's mine. So what part do you want?"  
"Seriously?" She opens the paper and reads it carefully. "What'd you do to get this?" She eyes the prone form of the dragon officer. "What deviant position did you try out on that poor boy?"  
"I won it back, fair and square, in a game of cards. I don't know if Lykouleon knows it exists, but I reckon it makes the castle safe. If I give it back to him, then Ruwalk might just gamble it away again."  
"That's a circular argument. You're holding onto it and not telling the Dragonlord, in order to keep it safe?"  
"Exactly. If he asks, or I want to build a squash court," _in Alfeegi's bedroom,_ "then I'll tell him."  
"I'll think about what bit I want then." Cernozoa folds the deed up again and replaces it. When she turns back Tetheus has his hands under his head and is staring at the ceiling.  
_If Alfeegi comes back with a good haircut, I've got a lot of ground to make up. Is there any way to improve on Tetheus? Can my incredibly sexy body be made any sexier? _  
"Maybe I should go to this hairdresser?"  
"You what?"  
"Maybe I should get a haircut."

Cernozoa reaches out and teases a strand of his hair.   
"But it's only just now gotten long enough. If you cut it, it'd look awful."  
"I need to try something new though."  
"Idiot. All you need to do is stop using so much of that pomade."  
"WHAT?"

He sits up and stares at her. "But then it'd be untidy. It'd get in my eyes and I'd look messy, not sexy."  
Cernozoa smiles. "Sometimes a little untidy can be very sexy. Wanna try out a new image?"  
"You mean something worse than having untidy hair?"  
"Let me try something. Get up."

Tetheus grumbles, but allows himself to be dragged from the bed. He undresses and Cernozoa throws some underwear at him, but only after eyeing his naked form. Tetheus obliges her by striking a few mandatory poses.  
"You're chirpy again."  
"I don't need that much sleep. Those few hours were enough."  
He stretches, showing off the many, taut muscles that adorn his body. He then insists on placing all his dirty clothing into his wash basket before allowing Cernozoa to seat him in front of his mirror and start his transformation. Using a wet hairbrush and a towel she removes most of his pomade and styles it into a more natural looking do. Tetheus purses his lips, unsure. He shakes his head a few times and eventually the hair falls into his eyes. When he glares at Cernozoa triumphantly, she reminds him that no matter how much goop was in his hair, that was bound to happen.  
_It doesn't look that bad. I've got a continual urge to pat it back into place though. I'll try it for today. If more than six people check me out, then I'll keep it._

"Next, colour."  
That shocks him. "I like my haircolour."  
"So do I", Cernozoa assures him, "but I was talking about your clothes."  
"What?"  
"No offence, but everything you own looks like a military uniform. We need to try something a little more casual, a little more contemporary."  
"You just want to play dress-up with a new doll," he accuses her.  
She smiles straight back at him. "I never got to play with a male doll before. Please? I'll make you look pretty."  
_What choice do I have if I want to beat Alfeegi?_ "All right then. Are we going shopping?"  
"I thought that we could borrow Alfeegi's wardrobe, while he's out."  
"Are you kidding? I don't want to look like Alfeegi."  
"How about Ruwalk then, he always dresses well?"  
"And he's shorter than I am, so nothing'll fit."  
"A shopping trip it is then." Cernozoa clasps her hands together. "There's some stuff I could do with too. Bring your chequebook."  
Tetheus eyes her coldly. "I will bring a modest sum of money and that will be sufficient."  
"We could wait for Alfeegi's return..."  
"A modest sum."  
"Modest it is."

The two of them travel into the town. Tetheus heads straight for Military Clothing by Goss, but Cernozoa steers him to a trendier and much girlier shop, run by a fussy middle-aged biddy.

"Why are we here?" he whispers to her.  
"Shh. This is where Ruwalk gets all his clothes made. Just stand in the centre there and let me work."

Tetheus stands as he is bidden while Cernozoa and the tailor, Mrs. Cosmopolite throw various bolts of clothing over his shoulder and discuss styles. All of his protests are ignored as the girls focus on their discussion of grandad shirts, mandarin collars, darts and pleats. _Pleats!_ Finally, Tetheus is measured by the over-familiar woman and ordered by Cernozoa to pay up. 

"Hang on, exactly what am I paying for?"

Cernozoa sighs at this display of bad manners, but Mrs. Cosmopolite unravels bolt after bolt and talks in dressmaker at him. Tetheus ignores her words and hopes she's kind to him, but forcefully refuses the puce trousers and cerise tank top. Mrs. Cosmopolite agrees to replace these items with a sensible navy outfit, albeit one with a print. She then promises faithfully to deliver the first of the outfits within the next few days and Tetheus pays over a modest deposit. This sum includes something taffeta for Cernozoa. _I always thought that was some sort of food._

Tetheus and Cernozoa are quiet on the journey back to the castle. _It's easy to look well in a uniform. Casual is something that can only be pulled off by certain people. Ahh. Fashion is a minefield. Ruwalk pays a lot of money every month to a stylist so that he looks good. And every full moon he gets his nails done. I really don't want to traipse down that road. It's far too much effort for too little reward._ He shakes his head. _ Then again. Ruwalk is the most desired man in the castle. Maybe a little care spent on one's appearance can yield dividends._

There is a small group of dragon fighters gathered in the entrance hall as they arrive. _Yes, no, no, nice ass. Hmm, maybe it's time for a new uniform. After all, those trousers could be tighter by a considerable amount._ As Tetheus and Cernozoa walk past, a voice from the group calls him back. As he turns around the first thing he sees is Alfeegi's petite, elfin face staring out at him, from underneath an incredibly ugly hat.

_That hat! Typical Alfeegi, gets a haircut then buys an ugly hat...I wonder, is he bald underneath it? Nah. I'd never get that lucky._

"Tetheus. Feeling better?"

Tetheus runs his fingers wearily through his hair. For once, there is no grease build-up on his fingers. _Point in its favour._  
"Much better thank you."  
"That's good to hear. Ruwalk was a little worried, but you seem fine to me."  
Tetheus inclines his head and then asks the burning question. "So, what's with the hat?"

Alfeegi sighs and then, with an uncomfortable look on his face, he slowly removes the hat. The hair that was tucked up into it slides down back around his face. The cut is unchanged, however, there is one, small, tiny, difference.

"It's blue."  
"It's green!"  
"Blue!"  
"Are you blind? It's green!"

The dragons split into two groups, the green faction and the blue faction. Alfeegi sighs again at them before turning to Tetheus.  
"It was like this the entire way home. Blue, no green. Mister? Is your hair blue or green?"  
Tetheus squeezes his shoulders. "So is this what Kharl's friend suggested?"  
"Oh no." Alfeegi looks horrified. "He had a huge plan and it sounded really good when he explained it to me. A small colour, something vibrant and exciting, then a sexy, new, dignified haircut. Well!" He puffs himself up slightly and gains a half-inch, "when I saw this in the mirror, I refused point blank to allow him to go any further and I marched right out of there. I should've just stuck with what I knew. Hairdressers are just full of hot air. I only hope that this washes out."  
_And I only hope that it doesn't._

* * *

And yes, I did make a conscious decision not to update the story. You try to appeal to as many people as possible, but the only way that I can tell you like the story, or if you don't, is through reviews. When I finally decided to write another chapter then, I'd built up some sort of block. Normally, I rattle this off in one sitting when I get the inspiration. Oh well, there you go. Still, I'm not sorry, and I'd do it again.

Also, I've been writing two stories a week for the past few weeks. I need a break now and again. A change of pace is good for keeping you fresh and so on. I like this chapter. Of course, I've written this bit before actually finishing the chapter, but I like what I've done so far. Cernozoa strikes deep at the heart of what makes Tetheus feel important and he falls apart a little. It's funny what people fixate on sometimes. On what they assume defines them, especially when it's only a tiny unimportant part of a person and especially when they think it's a lot cooler than it actually is. 

Oh and now I've gone through all of my original ideas for this series, so future episodes may not be up to scratch. 


	7. Stalker's Guide

I may have been a tiny bit cranky last week, or whenever I last updated. I was sick and yet still going to work, since I want to be promoted, earn some money and pay off my house. I didn't get to write any stories that week, I'd no inspiration and that probably added to it a little. Anyhow, this got reviewed and I was hit with inspiration, so I can write another chapter. I'm quite fond of this one too. I think my writing's finally starting to improve.

Thank you Tigress Whitestripe. Why would I give out? I love long reviews. I capitalise my Chapter Titles, because I like they way they look. Chapter Titles are usually sentence fragments anyway and normal grammar rules don't apply to them. It's a matter of preference. I Think it Makes them look More Important, and when you're typing them out in HTML it means that they stand out a little more. I do try to reign in my need to put exclamation marks at the end of them all though! Fluffiness is spelt with an i and advice with a c. Oh, and you need to check your email, or else you gave me the wrong address.

And incidentally, I hate people who threaten not to update their stories so that they get more reviews. Especially when the stories suck. Still, 5 chapters in, I reckon that I can get away with pique at least once. _It worked though. _Yes it did. Don't get tempted. 

All criticism welcome. I'm not going to take exception to flames, as long as there's a good point made in there. Saying "I didn't like it" is not a flame. Saying "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberries" is a flame. Saying "I didn't like it because Tetheus acted completely out of character in chapter 3 when he sat on Ruwalk's lap" is constructive criticism. That shows that I should put more work in the story leading up to that point so that it makes sense that Tetheus sits on Ruwalk's lap.

**Warning!** Tetheus has many perverted traits. Some might consider him a pervert. If you have undue sensitivity to perversion, please read no further.

As usual, _italics_ are Tetheus's thoughts.

* * *

Early morning in the Dragon Castle finds Tetheus strolling gingerly through its corridors, holding his head and suffering from a bad hangover. _I really need to stop drinking. Yes it lulls the prey into a false sense of security, but the after-effects are just not worth it. Ow! Maybe I can get something for this from Alfeegi. He's such a wuss, he's bound to have painkillers._ With that, Tetheus hauls himself off to Alfeegi's study. 

Out of habit, He presses his ear up to the door before knocking. _Don't know why I bother. Nothing interesting ever happens to Alfeegi._ No sounds emerge from the room, even after Tetheus knocks, wincing at the noise as he does so. He cracks the door open and peers inside, but there's no-one there. Tetheus drops his head and sighs, before entering the room. _Alfeegi's room is just like him. Stuffy and dull. _There is a faint scent of must in the room and it looks like the windows have been welded shut. _ It's no wonder that Alfeegi is always in a bad mood. If he never gets any fresh air, he's probably always got a headache. _ Tetheus takes a good look around. He's never been here without Alfeegi having a hissy fit over something and that makes it hard to critique the decor. He's not impressed by what he sees. _The curtains are old enough to be my grandparents, I'm surprised they're still in one piece. The carpet is either an interesting and eclectic piece or Alfeegi's a sloppy eater that's made many stains that can't be removed. The furniture screams "old man". There's nothing funky in here at all. _ He sniffs and makes his way to over to the desk, which happens to be the youngest piece of furniture in the room. His foot sticks to part of the floor as he goes. _Avoid the black patches. I do **not** want to know. _Tetheus walks behind the desk and checks out the myriad of tiny drawers close to hand. _Hmm, whereabouts would I hide the drugs if I was Alfeegi?_ He reaches out and opens some of the small drawers.   
"Tetheus?"

Ruwalk is standing at the door, looking quizzically at him. "What are you doing?"  
"Just looking for a headache pill. I'm sure Alfeegi keeps them here somewhere."  
"Rough night?" Ruwalk smiles knowingly at him. Tetheus drops his head and laughs.  
"I think it was a party or a birthday or a wedding. I know there was a very good reason for it..." _ and she was incredibly attractive._

"Leave Alfeegi's stuff alone. I've got what you need."  
_And how._

Ruwalk turns and leads Tetheus to his bedroom, where he pulls up a floor board to expose a stash of unlabelled, green bottles.

"I don't think I'm ready for another party Ruwalk."  
"Oh, it's not alcohol. The opposite in fact. It's hard to get a hold of, and Alfeegi tends to throw out any liquid he finds in my room, since he assumes it's all alcoholic." He grimaces. "All of my home remedies, rose oil, cologne, shampoo..."  
"Shampoo?"  
"You use it to clean hair. It's not possible to drink any of it. Not much anyway. If Alfeegi cracked open the bottle, he'd be able to tell that it's innocent, but no." He sighs. "Here, try some of this. It works a treat." Ruwalk gets one of the bottles and hands it to Tetheus, who drinks without smelling it first. His face instantly turns green. _Got to keep cool. I want Ruwalk to think I trust him. Have to stay cool. Don't think about the taste, just swallow... Now where have I heard that before?_  
"Pretty vile huh? Why is it that all the good cures taste awful? I think the people who make this stuff want to be sure that we're punished for drinking, even while they sell us cures for hangovers. Anyway, within a half-hour you'll have forgotten you ever felt sick."

Tetheus swallows and then hands the bottle back to Ruwalk, who recaps it, hunkers down and stores it safely again. It's a few moments before he's able to thank Ruwalk, who brushes it aside.  
"I've been in the same boat often enough myself. Besides, it'll go off soon. I haven't been drinking as much as I used to." He gives a short chuckle and then draws back from Tetheus and settles himself on the floor. His eyes run up and down Tetheus's body, while a slight smile appears on his face.  
_Ruwalk?_ Tetheus lowers himself onto his haunches and hovers uncertainly, but Ruwalk's gaze refuses to leave Tetheus's hot, sexy body. _Wow. It's nice to be on the receiving end for once._ He leans forward slightly and his breath catches when Ruwalk mirrors him. _I didn't get the bint last night, but maybe my hangover was worth it after all._ His eyes flick to the comfortable bed that's just out of reach. The smile on Ruwalk's face widens and he moves even closer. _Slowly, slowly. This is definitely new ground for Ruwalk, a sober Ruwalk anyway and I don't want to scare him off._ Tetheus focuses his gaze on Ruwalk's soft lips and inches closer. _How can something so simple be so damn sexy? I don't want to... Ruwalk! _ He pauses as he prepares his pounce, enjoying the anticipation almost as much as his inevitable conquest.

A loud cheer erupts from just outside the room and Ruwalk jumps back like a scalded cat, a look of horror on his face. Tetheus's brow furrows and he moves to the door.  
"Hang on a second. I'll find out what's going on." _Typical. Still, once I find out what's going on and Ruwalk calms down we can get back to...Mmmm._

He pulls back the door to reveal hordes of children rushing past, yelling and cheering. One of them notices Tetheus and yells over to him.  
"Uncle Travelling Kai's home."  
"Thanks Gobo, " Tetheus waves at his disappearing form before turning back to find Ruwalk giggling as much as the children and hurrying to the door.  
"Yay, Kai-Stern's back!"

He joins the exodus, leaving poor Tetheus alone. He closes the door and mopes over to the bed. Lying down on it he inhales Ruwalk's scent. _I was **that** close. **That** close. And he initiated it. But he leaves because Kai-Stern's home._ He sighs deeply and turns his head. Suddenly, his eyes twitch open. _Kai-Stern's back. He's been gone for months. I **know** that the two of them are it. This is my chance. This is the best chance I'll ever have to catch them at it!_ He sits up, a new fire burning inside and strokes his chin. _Of course, Ruwalk's very sensitive to me following him. He must have some sort of extra sensory perception, however, Kai-Stern's been away for six months so he's less likely to notice me. So, if I follow him, I've a good chance of not being caught, until the moment that he finally, Hee hee hee. I'll miss bath-time with Ruwalk, but sacrifices must be made. Yahoo!_

Tetheus stalks over to the door. _Kai-Stern's probably holding court in the entrance hall, since Alfeegi got vocal the last time, when he kept the Great Hall out of action for three hours. I'd better post some guards to make sure the children don't run off with anything. Kids are kids, but some of them have such itchy fingers._

The voices of the children echo down the hallways of the Castle. _Thank goodness Ruwalk's cure is kicking in or I'd be in agony. _ Tetheus is pleased to see a full convoy of guards stationed around the entrance hall. Several children are being escorted outside and there's a pile of recovered booty, from which a few brave lads are trying plunder. Reigning over all in the centre of the hall is Kai-Stern. He's seated on a high chair and his bottomless bag of souvenirs is stationed beside him. A large snaking queue waits to see him and get their toy and several Dragon Officers have joined in. Alfeegi is next up.

No matter what they're given, the response of the children is the same, utter delight. Those with presents give Kai-Stern a peck on the cheek and leave quietly. _He never runs out of gifts. I bet he fills up with crap at small villages just out of town. I'm sure that one year he was giving out leaves and claiming that they were magical. Still, the numbers that turn up are growing by the year. We might have to ban adults, although that would be the most unpopular decision ever taken and we'd never get it to stick._

Tetheus wades through small children to reach Kai-Stern. _Being the hard-ass Chief of Security gives you carte blanche to skip queues. _A little blonde girl finishes the long-winded tale of her doings since the last time she met the Blue Dragon Officer. Kai Stern gives her something small, receives his kiss and she hops off his lap to make way for Alfeegi.

"Well, Alfeegi. Have you been a good little boy?"  
Alfeegi blushes. "Just give me my present. Did you get me something nice?"  
Kai's eyes twinkle and he laughs "Yes, something very special for you alone Alfeegi."  
"What is it?"

Tetheus is a few paces away from them when Kai-Stern whispers back, but he can hear the Blue Dragon Officer tell Alfeegi, "Syphilis."

Alfeegi gets up very quickly and walks away without a word. Kai-Stern stands, his face fallen and tries to follow, but a small child of indeterminate gender is tugging on his trousers for a present. He yells after Alfeegi, "I was joking! I've something else for you. Come back!"

"Well, that's just wrong."  
Everyone looks at the small girl with the opinion. She glares at Kai-Stern.  
"He stood down, so his turn's over. If he didn't want your present it's his tough. I'll take it instead. What is syphilis anyway? Is it a sweetie? You should sit down. It's nearly my go, and I've a lot to talk about."

Kai-Stern looks down at the worried faces of the small children who are afraid that they won't get their presents after all. One or two are on the brink of tears. He smiles at them and sits back down again, relaxed and unconcerned, then he beckons Tetheus over. Any outburst from those at the head of the queue is stifled when they see that Tetheus is the one called. Every single one of them is scared to death of this cold and silent dragon. The greatest treasure from the Dragon Castle is something that belongs to Tetheus. So far, no-one has had the guts to even attempt theft from his room. As Tetheus approaches him, Kai-Stern pats his lap. _Woof. That's something I prefer to do in private though Kai dear. These children might not be so scared of me if they see me act like them._ Tetheus merely inclines his head.  
"Welcome back Kai-Stern. It is good to see you again, after so long."  
Kai-Stern sighs and shakes his head. "You don't get a present if you don't sit on my lap."  
"I haven't been a very good boy."  
Kai-Stern's eyebrows raise a little, but he still reaches into the bag beside him. "I might have something here just for Tetheus. You can forgo the kiss, but I must insist that you sit on my knees at least for a moment."  
Tetheus declines again, and Kai-Stern holds a small tin of something, just out of reach. "It's the latest hair-goop."  
Tetheus's eyes widen. _How touching. That's just what I would have wanted._ He reaches out for it and Kai-Stern catches his arm and pulls him closer. He whispers softly, "Please find Alfeegi and tell him that I'm sorry. I've really got something special for him, and I'll give it to him once the kids are gone." Tetheus nods and claims his prize goop. _Yay, the old stuff was starting to pong._ He cracks the lid and inhales the fresh scent of Chantel Pomade. _Mmmm._

Tetheus does not have to look far to find Alfeegi. Ruwalk is already talking to him, calming him down and offering support. _You know, everyone assumes that Alfeegi's the mother of the Castle, but he's more like the whiney older sister. Ruwalk's the one who puts the bandage on the wound and kisses it all better. This place wouldn't be home if he weren't here. Hee hee, our mom's hot!_ Tetheus joins them long enough to pass on Kai-Stern's message. Alfeegi's back stiffens and he stops talking until Tetheus leaves again. _He's such a baby. Syphilis. That was funny. Tasteless, but funny._

After three hours the party winds down and the dragon fighters start to evict the children from the castle. Groups of fighters and maids gather in the corners to compare their gifts and the place seems quiet and lacklustre with the energy of the children gone. Tetheus, now freshly coiffed with his new hair goop, is on the hunt for some Ruwalk/Kai-Stern action. The Entrance Hall is dark, but still holds the stragglers from Kai-Stern's homecoming. Tetheus saunters through the crowd, exchanging words here and there, and he finds out that the Blue Dragon Officer was last seen heading towards the gardens._ The gardens are romantic at this time of year, and the perfect place to meet a lover. Interesting that he should go there after his long and tiring journey. I'm right, I know it!_

On the way, he bumps into the Dragonlord.  
"Tetheus, have you seen Kai-Stern?"  
"Yes my lord, but that was over three hours ago. Are you looking for him?  
Lykouleon pouts and wrinkles his nose. "I got here too late, so I didn't get my present." He raises a finger to his chin, "and I suppose that now that he's back, we should have some sort of Dragon Officer meeting to discuss what's been going on. I'll be in my room in an hour. If you find anyone else, send them over."  
"I will do, my lord."

The Dragonlord nods and moves away. Tetheus watches him leave. _You know, I think that his ass might rival Ruwalk's. I wonder what he does when he sneaks out of the castle?_ He turns his head towards the gardens. _Now then, back to the matter at hand._ As he leaves the walls of the castle a change comes over Tetheus. His walk changes from a cocky stride to a stealthly sneak, his breathing slows and he lurches from shadow to shadow like a trained assassin. At odd intervals he raises his nose to the wind and inhales the sweet scents pervading the gardens. _Ah, hot sexy guys this way. _ His progression through the garden continues, piercing deeper into the underbrush and further from the castle. Soon the only tangible dragon scents in the air belong to just two people. One of them is Ruwalk's.

As the scents grow stronger, voices start to filter through. Tetheus pauses, an ear cocked. _Bingo, two hot guys, all alone and deep in the forest, far from prying eyes. _He rubs his hands together and his mouth stretches into a grin. _I'd better get a comfortable spot, it should be quite a show. Ruwalk and Kai-Stern. Ruwalk and Kai-Stern. I've waited for this moment for so long. I've had Ruwalk and now I'm about to see him get it on with Kai-Stern. Soon I'll have no goals left._ He creeps closer until the voices are almost legible, then he stretches out on the ground and crawls onward. _After ten decades of careful stalking, my greatest ambition lies just before me. I guess a six month abstinence made them careless. Hee hee hee._ The journey is slow and painstaking, but Tetheus doesn't want to alert the lovers to his presence. _Over a hundred years, I didn't even manage to catch them sharing a kiss. I'm not going to wreck this by losing it at the climax and giving myself away._

Slowly, he slithers through the undergrowth, the voices of his fellow Officers luring him on. They grow louder, but are still muffled by the vegetation that surrounds Tetheus. A sudden grunt fills the air, which is followed by obnoxious groaning. _I think I've struck gold._ Tetheus wriggles closer. He parts the foliage to reveal a fully-clothed Kai-Stern lying on the grass. Hs head is propped up by his hands and he's laughing at his companion. Ruwalk is facing away from Tetheus, but he seems to be adjusting his clothing. 

_"Damn!"_  
"Tetheus?" The eyes of the lovers fall on Tetheus and attempt to fix him. Kai-Stern's eyes are wide and his mouth is open, but Ruwalk's arms are crossed and his eyes are cold.  
"Uh, I fell." He gets up and dusts himself off. "I've been looking for you guys for the past hour. Ahem, the Dragonlord is holding a meeting with all of his Officers. If we leave now, we'll just make it."  
_ Damn, too late. Just once I want to catch them at it and then one of them would say, 'Tetheus, c'mon, will you join us?'_  
'Tetheus? C'mon, are you joining us?'  
_'What?'_  
'Didn't the Dragonlord want to see us all?'  
'Oh yeah.'

* * *

There are still a few things that have to happen, but I'm open to suggestions. If you have any, please leave them in a review. If at all possible give the summary you'd have on the page, since I write my best stories from those, odd but true.

jokeAnd I'm not going to update again until I get at least 25 reviews for this chapter! /joke 


	8. Dance Knight

jokeAnd I'm not going to update again until I get at least 25 reviews for this chapter! /joke

Please see above. I didn't mean it. I can't imagine ever getting 25 reviews for a chapter. Please don't be angry.

Anyway. This is chapter 8 and I only have enough ideas for one chapter after this one. So if any updates are slow in coming, there is a reason for it and I'm not holding anything hostage. I write because I quite enjoy it, and my writing is slowly getting better, even without criticism. I think. 

Anyway, it's not reviews I care about, (although they are nice and I do quite like them and the ego boost, but I've given Fanfiction.net money, so I know that people are reading these stories), it's criticism. I want to get better. The best review I ever got was for my Ranma fic from Ebiris, who suggested that I include more description. I haven't updated that yet, because I'm going to need to flesh out a plot (my greatest enemy) and I'm going to spend a lot of time perfecting it. I may also revisit the first chapter.

Maybe I just need a good/unkind beta. Hmm, I think mediaminer has a forum for that.

So, enough pointless waffle. This chapter is called, um, I'll name it once I've finished writing it. The Dragon Knights come home, which sets up the next chapter. Poor Alfeegi. Huh huh.

Haven't seen Lena in a while. I guess you're too busy with Lord of the Rings.

Thanks Tigress Whitestripe. The problem with Tetheus being caught in an intimate way with Ruwalk is that the situation wouldn't upset him at all. In fact, he'd quite like it known that he was able to bed the best looking guy in the castle. However, there is one person that he wouldn't be so happy to be found with.............This is a chapter that I'm not competent enough to write ... yet. The Knights do turn up here, since I need them to set up the next chapter, but, I dithered a lot over whether to include them or not. I was tempted just to have Tetheus state that they'd shown up and buggered off again. Basically, I hadn't written anything with them in it and I wasn't sure that I could pull them off. Now, that may sound a little strange, since everyone's a slight *cough* parody of themselves in this fic, but I didn't want to get them wrong, especially when all three are introduced at the same time. I had the same sort of trouble with Kai-Stern.

The only other thing I'd like to point out is that there are no gay characters in this fic, with the possible exception of Alfeegi. Tetheus, Ruwalk and Kai-Stern, Lykouleon and Cernozoa all shag women, it's just that some of them shag guys too.

**Warning!** In case you haven't read any of the earlier warnings, Tetheus likes girls and boys and kinky things. He has a few problems; he hides in bushes and spies on lovers; he preys on the drunk; he has unresolved anger, but it's okay, it's all repressed. In short, he's a bit of a pervert.

_Italics_ are his thoughts.

* * *

"I don't see why we have to come back. I'm sure there's something more interesting and dangerous to do than saying hi to everyone."

The speaker is still hidden from Tetheus's view. He's headed into town for a spot of shopping, and to get out from under Ruwalk's feet. He's not been too friendly to Tetheus since Kai-Stern came back and has even been a little aggressive with him. _I don't know why. I haven't done anything wrong ... that they can pin on me. Still, absence makes the heart grow fonder and so on. _This voice has intruded on his peace while he's checking various knives for balance at a small stall just outside the centre of town. It is loud and inconsiderate, like many mercenaries or lordlings, and he wonders why it sounds familiar.

"Yeah, who knows how long we'll be stuck here before we're given another mission." This new voice also tickles Tetheus's membranes. _Where have I heard him before?_ Still," he adds thoughtfully. "It has been a while. Maybe the Dragon Fighters have built up their savings again." 

The third voice is more refined and feminine and finally lights the candle in Tetheus's head. "It's been well over a year and we've completed our mission **AND** several others that we weren't asked to deal with. We've killed about one hundred demons and looted over thirty tombs, bandit camps and wealthy houses." The last part is mumbled, but the speaker continues. "Don't you think that it's time we came home and put our feet up?"  
"Geez Rune. You're so lazy."  
"Lazy?!" Tetheus smirks as he imagines the pretty Dragon Knight turning a bright shade of red. _If he's not careful he'll turn into Alfeegi._ "I think that I've been more than patient with **both** of you. We'd finished our mission (amidst various side-quests) months ago and yet you still wouldn't come home. Just once, I want to sleep in my own bed."  
"But Rune..."  
"No! We're in Draqueen. Finally! And we're going to see the Dragonlord and make our report! And we're getting there tonight, with no distractions, no shopping, no demon-hunting and no treasure-hunting!" Rune's voice grows louder as he trudges ahead of his friends.

Tetheus ducks his head as Rune marches past. He can now clearly see Rath and Thatz following a little way behind. _I hope they don't see me. After all, I came here to get away from everything for a little while._ The other two don't seem as driven as Rune is. They're sauntering along, Thatz absently watching the crowd for easy marks and Rath with his arms behind his head, preparing mentally for his next fight with the Dragonlord.

"You know Rath, we really need to get Rune a hobby. He'd be more fun if he wasn't so dedicated to his duty."  
"Yeah Thatz. But if we corrupted Rune, then the Dragonlord might send Alfeegi or someone along with us and Rune's easier to get around than Alfeegi would be."  
"Or Tetheus."  
"Guys! Pick up the pace, we're nearly home!" Rune shouts at the other two who glare back. Tetheus whirls around to avoid his gaze, but all of Rune's attention is on his fellow Dragon Knights.  
"Slave-driver!" Rath quietens down as he continues his conversation with Thatz. "It wouldn't be so bad to travel with Tetheus. He doesn't say much, but he's easily the best fighter in the Castle, the fighters have told me some of the stuff they've seen. He's awesome and they're all scared of him. If I could get a few of his glares down, then no-one could stop me if I wanted to leave the castle."  
Tetheus can't hear Thatz's reply, and he risks sticking his head out beyond the stall to catch his next few words. "You looooooove him."  
"What?!"  
"You lurve Tetheus. You want to be with him."  
"I do not! He's just cool."  
Tetheus scratches his head while thinking of the possibilities. _That would be inconvenient. How can I put the moves on Ruwalk if Rath's going to get in my way all the time? When he wants attention he's so annoying and demanding. Maybe I can rustle up a few demon scare stories to lure him away._  
"**Are you guys gonna catch up or what?!**"  
Thatz skips up to the Water Dragon Knight. "Hey Rune. Rath loves Tetheus!"  
"I do not!" Rath hurries up behind him and Thatz turns a sneer on him and continues his teasing. "Yes you do. You dress like him, you die your hair the same colour and you practise scowling in the mirror every morning."  
Tetheus's head slips to the left. _Oh. Well, it's nice to think that there's a mini-me in the making._  
"You need to get a girl-friend Rath." Rune smiles along with Thatz, happy not to be the butt of his jokes for once.  
"Ugh no. Kissing girls is gay."  
"On the contrary, not kissing girls is gay." Rune lectures away on the fairer sex with one finger pointing upwards.  
"Have you ever kissed one?"  
Rune blushes. "Once or twice."  
"What was it like?" Rath bats his eyelids, but Rune misses the warning signs.  
"Really nice, soft and warm."  
Rath and Thatz look at each other.  
"That is so gay!"

Tetheus chuckles as the Dragon Knights race off, Rath and Thatz defending themselves from Rune. _They're so innocent, a real breath of fresh air._ An invisible shadow races across his face and the sideways glances from the passersby become a little more obvious. _I'm sure that he'll be okay. Those pills've been extensively tested and they're finally bug free._ He runs his hand through his hair, once again marvelling that he no longer needs to wipe off the grease. _Just in case, I'd better go pick up another batch._ He leaves without purchasing any knives, but the stall-owner heaves a sigh of relief as his usual clientele of scum and villainy reappears. 

Kharl's House of Alchemy is as gaudy as ever. _That kid must repaint this thing every week. _ As Tetheus approaches he notices that the interior is dark. _Huh?_ The door refuses to open at his touch and he knocks several times before leaving. _It must be later than I thought. I'll come back tomorrow morning._  
He heads back to the castle, which is as animated as if the entire nobility of Dusis had descended upon it. Maids clean, butlers buttle, and functionaries scuttle back and forth. Everyone is talking about how much the knights have grown and how nice it is to have them back. _No one makes this much of an effort when I come home. Of course, no-one ever notices that I've left._ He dodges aside as a maid waddles past, heavily laden with fresh laundry. _No-one's like this when the Dragonlord gets back either. Mostly because they're glad that Alfeegi'll finally quieten down._ A gaggle of castle-dwellers wander past gossiping about the new arrivals. _Then again, the addition of the knights to the dragon clan, is still the most interesting thing to happen in the castle in a century. Can you blame them, they'd still be doting on Rath and suffocating the baby, unless he escaped as often as he does. I can't stand that kind of thing. Occasional admiration, yes. Sex, yes. Affection and kissing, yes. But continual, suffocating love? Ugh, it's no wonder that the kid's messed up. Everyone wants to mother him. Maybe that's why he's so fixated on Kai-Stern. He's the only one who wasn't continually around him when he was growing up._

Cernozoa hails him as she passes by.  
"I see the Lords almighty have returned."  
Cernozoa smiles. "Everyone's excited because the Dragonlord's throwing a party. It's been ages since we got a chance to have a good time, and everyone's invited."  
Tetheus takes her hand and twirls her once. "Is it starting after dinner?"  
She nods.  
"Will you accompany me?"  
A coy smile lights up her face and she answers coquettishly, "I'd love to."  
"Right so." He rubs the back of his head. "I'll go put on my gladrags then, and you put on yours, and I'll see you in an hour?"  
Cernozoa stares him down scornfully. "Make it two."  
"I'm hungry," he whines plaintively.  
"Perfection takes time and skill." With that, she dismisses him and goes to her room.  
_**That** should get Rath out of my hair. Still, I'd better welcome him back and see what he's been up to. It didn't look as though he's been badly injured this time, but the boy has some deranged macho view of pain and refuses to get treated until after his wounds are infected._

"Tetheus!"  
_Paternal force, paternal force. My, he **has** grown._ Tetheus nods formally. "Welcome home Rath, it's good to see you. Have you taken care of yourself this time?" Tetheus looks Rath over and he soon squirms uncomfortably under the pressure.  
"I'm fine, Alfeegi's already given me the third degree." He folds his arms and stares moodily into the middle distance. The effect is ruined by the tapping of his toe, but Tetheus masterfully controls all signs of amusement. _He's trying to be all sulky and cool. Ah, I remember when I was in that phase. Surely I didn't look that sad though?_  
"You must've been pretty busy. We haven't seen you in ages and you're all in one piece. Have you run out of demons?"  
Rath's face glows. _He's still the same._ "I'm sure that Kai-Stern's got some information for me."  
An eyebrow rises. "But Rath, Kai-Stern came home a week ago. You missed the present giving and he might have given your demon lore away to some other deserving rascal who **was** there. We broke the record for attendance and he was pulling things from his pockets, once the bag ran out of goodies."  
Rath's face falls and his hands clutch at his shirt. "Please excuse me Tetheus, I have to see a man about some demons. It was good to meet you again, after so long. Maybe we could spar in the grounds tomorrow?"  
Tetheus nods, _It'll give me a chance to show off my buff body to the deserving spectators_ and Rath runs off.

Tetheus walks to his rooms to prepare for the night's festivities. His new clothes arrived a week ago, but he hasn't broken them out yet. There are one or two dressy items in there, but Tetheus picks out two of the relatively sombre pieces to wear that night. A purple, soft, silk shirt is joined by matching black trousers. A light navy cloak completes the outfit. Okay, so the clasp holding the cloak in place is a little obnoxious, but it was a birthday present. A quick visit to the hair goop station revives his hairstyle and Tetheus turns to the mirror to admire himself. His reflection eyes him coldly, then pouts seductively. _Maybe I'll wear the orange tomorrow, if this goes down well._

Tetheus eyes the clock nearby, _Barely a half hour has passed, Cernozoa will be far from ready. _He sighs and lounges in a chair, but this doesn't make the time pass any faster. _I've got time to kill. I wonder what Ruwalk and Kai-Stern are up to? It wouldn't take too long to make my way down to their little rendezvous point. _ He stands up and walks to the door. _I've got nothing better to do and if Alfeegi sees me standing around, he might try to get me involved. _ He sighs, _I'll never make an impressive entrance that way._

The halls of the castle are full of giggling girlies and preening fighters. Clumps of people are forming in the hallways and gossiping about the ball, as well as eyeing each other up and flirting openly. Progress is slow and Tetheus breathes more easily as he approaches the gardens and the crowd thins. He swiftly races to the sweet spot in the gardens and is rewarded by the welcoming sounds of masculine voices. Specifically those of Rath and Thatz. Rath is speaking.  
"Everyone here is slowly losing it. They've been alive too long and have spent most of it walled inside the castle. The youngest dragon is Kai-Stern and he's..."  
"Uh Rath?"  
"Yeah."  
"**We're** the youngest dragons. You, me and Rune. In fact, I'm the youngest entrant into the dragon tribe, and although you're a little younger than me, you've been a dragon longer."  
"Oh, I didn't think of that."  
The silence between them is easy, like two old friends. Tetheus doesn't bother getting closer, as he can see them all too easily in his head. _Thatz's sitting down under the tree, most likely eating one of its apples and Rath is standing nearby. He's probably pulling the bark off a twig, or something equally destructive._  
"I suppose we have to go back to the castle and get ready?"  
"Ugh, can't we wait here a little longer Thatz? I really don't want to get caught up in all that."  
"I know Rath," Thatz's voice is soft, "but we are the guests of honour. They're waiting on us."  
"I bet that the Dragonlord is just using our arrival as an excuse."

"If you don't want to give him an excuse, you should come home more often. Then it wouldn't be such an occasion to see you three."  
Alfeegi's voice is greeted by groans from Rath. "Get up and get ready. Cernozoa's laid clothes out for you in your rooms and everyone's waiting to party. If you want to lose your popularity, then by all means be late. I don't know if you'd survive the night though." He harries the pair back to the castle, Tetheus smirking away as they go. _Heh. I wonder how Alfeegi knew about this place? Still, you can never underestimate him. I think it's time to go get the bint. By the time I make it back there, she should be almost ready._

Cernozoa is laced into a slinky black dress. Purple slashes at the hips match the colour of Tetheus's shirt, which she picks at once he enters her room.  
"Somehow I knew you'd wear that."  
He sweeps her into his arms and runs his lips over her neck. "It's such a nice dress, it'd be a shame if it got damaged at the dance. Why don't you take it off and we'll ..."  
"Oh no." She expertly rolls out of his arms and opens the door. She then stares up at him proudly while she continues "I want to be seen in this at least once." She strokes his cheek as she leads him from the room. "Later, perhaps, I'll be more worried about its safety."  
_I like the promise in that sentence. The best kind of present is one wrapped in tight black silk. Hmm. Maybe leather and handcuffs._

The great hall's roar lessens slightly as Tetheus sweeps into the room, the lovely Cernozoa on his arm. The ladies eye her dress and start to calculate whether to bitch or be jealous. The men eye her too. It takes a long moment for them to notice that her companion is Tetheus. The coded message in Cernozoa's nails turns him from his path to the high table and onto the dance floor. He takes her hand in his left, and places his injured right hand on her hip, checking for bleeding before making contact. The music is barely audible, but Tetheus has never paid it much heed. Cernozoa, well used to his idiosyncrasies, follows with grace. Tetheus simply dances until the music gains pace to match him.  
A large space forms around the writhing couple, Tetheus spins Cernozoa with intense force across the floor, catching her to grind against her. His steps are complicated, his pace frenetic, and his arms outrageous in their flourishes. Several dragon fighters attempt to copy him with their dates, but inevitably fail miserably and crash into each other. All eyes are on Tetheus and Cernozoa, and that's the way they like it. As chaotically as they started, Tetheus suddenly stops, the music screeching to a halt several beats after him, and restarting at a sedate pace, more suitable for less able dancers. As he makes his way to the high table, Cernozoa cradled in his arm, he wipes his hair once more. His hand comes away sticky, this time from sweat.   
Only Lykouleon and Raseleane greet them normally. Everyone else has their mouths open or are choking on their wine. Tetheus pulls out a chair beside Raseleane and settles his companion at the table, before joining her.   
"Evening everyone." Cernozoa nods at the table and waves at Ruwalk.  
Lykouleon beams at the couple. "Welcome, we were afraid that you weren't coming."  
Cernozoa laughs softly, "Of course we wouldn't miss it my lord. I just had some things to take care of before I could get ready."  
He nods warmly at her, and Raseleane adjusts her position in her chair. "You look stunning my dear, and Tetheus, where have you been hiding those clothes? You look lovely this evening as well."  
Raseleane coughs and eyes Tetheus sternly while the Dragonlord refills his goblet. _I look fine, eh?_ An untranslatable, but significant glance passes between Cernozoa and Raseleane. _I wonder what that's about_

The evening passes in a blur of drink and dancing. Ruwalk was firmly back on the drink, Alfeegi proved that chill pills and wine don't mix, the Dragonlord fell under the table after two hours and Raseleane and Cernozoa never returned after a trip to freshen up. Tetheus took turns on the floor with Cernozoa, Raseleane, several of the braver women of the castle, and Alfeegi. The evening ends, as they all seem to, with Tetheus staggering drunkenly through the corridors on his way to someone's room. _Cernozoa? Nah, she buggered off early. The twins? Hmm, Sapphire? I haven't slept with her in a while and I think she looked good tonight ... unless that was Alfeegi. I think I kissed her ... unless that was Alfeegi. He was all over the gaff tonight. I think that those pills are a handy, handy thing._  
He bumps rather heavily into a door and the rebound launches him further down the corridor, missing Ruwalk's arrival from the room he knocked on.  
"Tetheus?"  
He swings around and overshoots. Ruwalk manages to catch him, as he's slightly steadier on his feet. _Bastard must have built up quite a tolerance with all that he's put away over the years._ Tetheus sways backwards on his feet and then lowers his face to stare Ruwalk in the eye.   
"Ruwalk, have you seen a gimp mask around anywhere?'  
Ruwalk totally flips out. 'Why on DUSIS would you think that I would have one of THOSE?!'  
Tetheus waits calmly for the sentence to finish, swaying back and forth and finding it almost as entertaining as being near Ruwalk. He leans forward and breathes in his scent.  
"Mine's gone missing. I hope that Rath hasn't borrowed it again.'  
"Oh!" Ruwalk doesn't know quite where to look and he decides to stare at his fingers. "N-no. I haven't seen um, that, anywhere. If I do see, see, an, um, gimp mask anywhere, I'll, I'll s-send it to you. Um."  
He steadies Tetheus, until he feels that Tetheus can bear his own weight, then he steps away, but his eyes don't leave Tetheus.   
"That boy worships you. I'm sure you'll be able to talk **him** into your bed."  
Ruwalk turns to leave once this final, cutting comment is made, but he finds his path blocked by Tetheus's arm. His eyes sear into Ruwalk's as he waits for Ruwalk's anger to ebb.  
"I like **men**, not boys."  
With that he swings around, his arms wide for balance and sashays down the hallway. _I don't have such little taste that I'd corrupt children. Innocence is rare in the world, especially in worldly fighters and I'd like to keep them innocent for as long as possible. That'll make their final corruption so much fun, when as **men**, they realise that I'm not quite what they thought._ He laughs to himself. _I'm not going to steal that treat. They're not ready yet._  
Ruwalk's voice echoes behind him. "They're growing quickly. They'll be men soon."  
Tetheus swirls back and speaks to him sadly. "Hopefully, it'll be a long time before they're as mature as you are. The only thing that can age them that fast is tragedy."  
Ruwalk breaks the contest first and steps back inside. Tetheus studies the door before moving on. _Do you think I have depth now? There's a lot I'd do to have you, but I'm not **that** perverted. _He moves on and then looks back for a second. _Besides, it's no fun if there's no challenge._

* * *

I actually have the next chapter plotted out. Majorly unusual for me. Up next, Alfeegi Looses His Marbles, or The Pill Is Gone.  



	9. He's Lost it!

The fic is going on hiatus after this chapter. I really need to work out a few more chapters, as I have nothing to go on. One summary and that's it. 

Working on my other story _A Suitable Bride_, which is angsty, which is not my forte and therefore requires more work, has improved my writing skills. Reading this story now, I see many painful areas that could do with extensive rewriting. So that's what I'll be doing while the story's on holiday. Tweaking, rewriting and brain-storming a few more chapters.

I've been very distracted by many shiny things recently. Hopefully this still reads well.

Summary  
Alfeegi accuses Ruwalk, Cernozoa, Tetheus and Lykouleon of being spies for the Dragon Lord. Time for some changes to his medication. Unfortunately, something's gone very wrong at Kharl's House of Alchemy.

**Warning!** Tetheus is a grade A pervert.

_Italics_ are his thoughts.

* * *

A bright autumn light fills the corridors of the Dragon Castle. Summer's long since ended, but only recently have the cold winds arrived and the chill of winter threatened the land of Draqueen. It is a time of warm fires, cosy evenings, cold mornings and freezing guard duty. The posts of the Dragon Castle are always fully staffed, as each new day brings Tetheus and his inspections. Having just completed his first round of inspections, he makes his way to the training grounds, for his mandated round of training.   
_Alfeegi's been really cranky lately. Hmm. It's been seven days since his last training session and I might as well drag him out to practise with me. It might get rid of some of his tension and he always makes me look good._

The huddled crowd of Dragon Fighters that disperse at his approach, are the first sign that gives Tetheus pause for thought._ They look reasonably shifty. I should look into it when I've finished with Alfeegi._ A loud thump is then heard, as a door is opened so violently that it bangs off the inside wall. Tetheus arrives in time to see Alfeegi pushing a bewildered Ruwalk over the threshold and slamming the door closed in his face.

"Ruwalk?" Tetheus strides toward his friend. _Apply impassive face._  
He looks around and takes a moment to register the presence of the Black Dragon Officer.   
"Tetheus," he says, walking to meet the Black Dragon Officer and frequently looking back at the door.  
"What happened?" _It looks like it'll be really good._   
"Alfeegi accused me of being a spy for the Dragonlord." Ruwalk can't stop glancing back at the door.   
"So what's new there?" A light tone enters Tetheus's voice and Ruwalk fixes on Tetheus for the first time.  
"He threw me out!"  
"And..."  
"I don't know. It was so odd. I've no idea what set him off." Ruwalk turns again to the study door and doesn't turn back, until Tetheus speaks again.  
"I'll see if I can calm him down. I was going to ask him to train with me."_ Maybe while we're sparring, he'll bitch about Ruwalk and I can find out what he's thinking._  
Ruwalk boggles at that. "You'll cream him."  
"So? He won't hold back." Tetheus lifts the corners of his mouth by a fraction, knocks and strides into the room without waiting for a response. He then speaks, before looking at Alfeegi.

"Alfeegi, you'll spar with me, won't you? It's been a week since you last held a sword and you'll get rusty if you don't practise."

Alfeegi approaches Tetheus with his head cocked to one side. "Spar with you?" he says.  
"Yes." A drop of sweat forms on Tetheus's brow.  
Alfeegi comes closer, now staring fixedly at Tetheus's right ear. "I know why you really want me there," he says softly. "You're like him."  
"Like who?" Tetheus watches as Alfeegi circles him warily.  
"Like _him_," he says, stepping into range of Tetheus, then out again. "You want me out of here so that they can go through my room and touch my things." He turns his back and waves at the room.  
"Alfeegi, that's ridiculous. You need to go outside, take some fresh air and try to land a hit on me." Tetheus tries the same light tone, but stands rigidly and the two jar. _Ah. Maybe I should have paid a bit more attention to what Ruwalk was saying._  
"Shut up! You're just a spy for the Dragonlord! You'll not get me out of here. I'll protect it! I'll keep it all safe!" Alfeegi retreats to safe ground, behind his desk and Tetheus uses the room to get closer.  
"Alfeegi?"

Alfeegi grabs Tetheus and attempts to push him to the door as he did Ruwalk. However, Tetheus is the Head of Security and the All-Dragons (over 500) Wrestling Champion and not easily moved._ Well, this could be amusing._  
"Bend with the knees Alfeegi and use your body mass to pivot me." Grunts erupt from Alfeegi. "That's not the best hold Alfeegi, try this one." Tetheus twists Alfeegi's arm slightly, breaking his hold and forcing him into an awkward angle. "If you twist a little further then, you'll unbalance me, like this." Tetheus follows his own instructions and backs Alfeegi into the wall. Alfeegi looks at him, then starts to cry.  
"You're not playing fair. I don't want to leave. I don't want to. You're mean. You bully me. Leave me alone."  
"Alfeegi?"  
"Waah! Waaah! You're mean. I want to stay. I don't want to go."

His whining achieves what Alfeegi's brute force could not and Tetheus lets him go and backs away from him.  
"I'm sorry, Alfeegi. I didn't mean to hurt you. Now come and fight with me in the training hall."  
Alfeegi looks at him incredulously, before erupting in floods of tears.   
"I mean sword fight."  
Alfeegi screams.  
"It's like pretend, play fighting, not real fighting. Alfeegi?"  
Alfeegi's screams escalate.  
"Oh brother." Tetheus looks around for something shiny to distract the White Dragon Officer with. _Why am I subconsciously looking for a giant rattle? _ "I'm going now Alfeegi. Calm down. I'll send someone up to you."  
"SPIES!" he erupts.  
"What?"  
"They're all spies! For the Dragonlord." Alfeegi wipes some of the tears, with his sleeve.  
_Well, there's one person who can't possibly fit into that category._ "I promise not to send you a spy, Alfeegi. Goodbye."

Tetheus hurries to the door and closes it gratefully behind him.

"So how is he, sir?"  
Tetheus looks at the speaker. It's one of the Dragon Fighters that he saw acting suspiciously earlier.  
"Has he been like this all day?" he asks.  
"Yes sir. We're the ones that called the Yellow Dragon Officer sir. He kept saying that we were spies and that we'd never get _it_. Whatever _it_ is."  
"Yeah." A second fighter speaks. "We weren't in the slightest bit interested until he mentioned it."  
Tetheus arches an eyebrow. "So what did you do?"  
The fighter swallows. "I just looked at his desk, to see if there was anything interesting on it. I couldn't help it. It was a reflex action."  
His neighbour speaks up. "I just eyed the shelves nearby."  
His confession is followed by the cough of a blonde Dragon Fighter. "I may have opened a drawer, but just one."  
"Yeah, Alfeegi slammed it shut so fast, that I'm surprised you still have fingers."  
"We'd have been okay if he hadn't heard me rustling through his papers though", says a fifth. The group sigh together.  
_When did they get so mercenary? They're obviously spending far too much time with Thatz. Mental note: Alfeegi is my plaything, not the dragon fighters. For attention in the near future._ Tetheus frowns at the group. "Keep an eye on Alfeegi. I will fetch someone who may snap him out of it. **Do not** scare him any further. The White Dragon Officer is not a toy."

Lecture given, he steps away to find Lykouleon. _He can hardly claim that** Lykouleon **is a spy for the dragonlord. _ Laughing at his cleverness, Tetheus reaches Lykouleon's study. Being quite bored with matters of state, Lykouleon is easily persuaded to buck up his smallest Dragon Officer. As soon as he enters the study, Tetheus reaches into his pocket and pulls out his trusty glass. He then joins the fighters, who are already eavesdropping at the door, evicting the blonde who's taken position at the keyhole.

* * *

  
"I can hardly be a spy for the Dragonlord, Alfeegi. I **am** the Dragonlord."  
Alfeegi gasps, his voice strangely squeaky. "You ARE?!"  
Lykouleon smirks. "Yes I am."  
"You admitted it! I can't believe it," he squeals, his lip quivering as he approaches the Dragonlord.   
"Well, it's true." Lykouleon speaks softly, vainly believing that he's reached Alfeegi.   
Alfeegi pulls his arms into his body and his eyebrows reach to each other for comfort. "You're spying on me!"  
The Dragonlord's mouth falls open. "No I'm not!"  
"You just admitted it. You said 'I am'!" Alfeegi's voice grows more squeaky as the conversation progresses.  
"I am the Dragonlord." Lykouleon leans toward Alfeegi as he speaks, but Alfeegi draws back from him.  
"See, you said it again. You're a spy."  
"I'm no..."  
"SPY! SPY!" Alfeegi doesn't let him finish.  
"I'm..."  
"GET OUT, SPY!"  
Defeated, the Dragonlord withdraws.

* * *

Lykouleon motions to Tetheus as he emerges and they step away from the dragon fighters.   
"Maybe we shouldn't have medicated his behaviour."   
"Sir, you remember how great the first few weeks were. All I have to do is speak to Kharl the Alchemist and he can tweak Alfeegi's medication. It shouldn't take longer than a few days, to get a better balance of pills."  
"Ah." The Dragonlord breathes in heavily and glances at the ground before continuing. "There's a small problem there."  
The hairs on the back of Tetheus's neck, begin to get itchy. "Sire?", he encourages.  
"You see, Rath has been to visit Kharl," says Lykouleon slowly.  
"And?" Alarm is noticeably missing from Tetheus's voice, but his lips are pressed closely together.  
"It turns out that he's a yokai. Who knew?" Lykouleon raises his hands helplessly and gives a false laugh, but can't disguise his worry.  
"Oh no. Is he?"  
"No, no, he's still alive. Rath couldn't kill him. He is quite powerful. Apparently, he may be working to undermine me and take over Draqueen. But who isn't?"  
Tetheus breathes again. "Then we still have a chance. I can find him and get some more pills. It might be hard to get him to work for us, since Rath did try to kill him. Do I have your permission to offer him whatever's necessary?"  
Lykouleon pauses, but a refrain of "SPIES!" from the room nearby is swiftly followed by a nod.  
Tetheus bows "I'll tell Rune to prepare for a journey then."

He leaves Lykouleon and returns to his own room, where he fills a small bag and then goes to look for Rune. _Where would I be hiding if I were a wet fairy?_. He finds him meditating in the pond, without the rest of his posse. Tetheus lifts him bodily and manages to sneak him to Rune's room before he comes out of his meditation.  
"Tetheus?" he says, looking around. "What's going on?"  
"We're going on a highly important mission for the Dragonlord. We don't have much time. Pack light, you won't be needing much," he says briskly, grabbing one or two items from Rune's drawers and throwing them at him. He pauses at one or two tasteful items and notes the drawer that's locked and obviously holds Rune's secrets. _Looks like a three lock. I'll have to remember to bring the proper tools with me, next time._  
Rune pulls a pair of trousers off his head and mechanically stuffs them into the bag that lands beside him. "Where are we going?" he asks.  
_Sounds like he's still groggy from the meditation. Perfect._  
"We're helping Alfeegi," Tetheus answers, pulling Rune from the bed and hustling him out the door.  
"Okay, are Rath and Thatz meeting us?" he continues, his feet sliding down the corridor.  
"No, I don't need them." Tetheus banks Rune to the right and corners at speed. They're now almost at the Castle lobby.  
"Oh," Rune states quietly. "Hang on! I have to say goodbye. They won't know where I'm gone!" Rune starts to struggle and Tetheus has to slide his arm around Rune's waist and drag him along.   
"It's okay, Rune. The Dragonlord is talking with them as we speak."

As always, mention of the Dragonlord shuts up the sychophantic Rune. He mumbles that they'll get into trouble without him to keep an eye on them, but starts to move his arms and legs and is soon walking unaided, although not at the pace that Tetheus would like. Luckily, neither Rath nor Thatz show their faces and he is able to escape from the castle with his prize.  
The journey could have been an uncomfortable one, but Rune is easier to handle than his friends. By ignoring Rune's questions and speaking only when absolutely necessary, Tetheus gets away with not explaining where they're going, why they're going there and what they're going to do there. Mile after mile, town after town, yokai attack after yokai attack, Rune holds his tongue and makes do with occasional mutters and an aura of worry. The land they pass through grows darker and more twisted and Tetheus chooses to hide from more yokai than he fights. From time to time, he stops and sniffs the air._ Blip, blip... blip, blip...blip, blip. The demon aura is strongest in this direction._ He sets off again with the compliant Rune in tow.  
Following a journey of several weeks, they break through a patch of clinging trees, now wet with the blood of yokai attackers and take their first sight of a magnificent castle. Rubbing the sticky, red liquid from his face, Rune frees himself from the underbrush and joins Tetheus.  
"It's almost as big as the Dragonlord's Castle!" he gasps.  
"I suspect that most of it is an illusion." Tetheus speaks calmly, but he moves closer to Rune.  
"Is that what we're looking for, Tetheus?" Rune turns to his companion, hoping that he is wrong.  
"Aye". Playing a heavy hand on young Rune's shoulder, he guides his charge down the hill, towards the castle.

The castle is an obscure mirror of their home. Where the Dragon Castle is beautiful and awe-inspiring, this one is ugly and inspires only fear. Each window rises to a dangerous point and is expertly dusted with cobwebs and gelatinous resin. The walls are covered in an evil smelling moss and the gardens are filled with poisonous brambles and thorns. A fetid swamp sucks to the east side and bone-chilling howls erupt from the dingy forest to the west. A lone tower surveys the expanse, with an unblinking light indicating that someone is home. Or else that arsonists can fly.  
Rune crouches behind a handy rock, infested with small insects. "How are we going to sneak in?" he whispers.  
Tetheus strides past, walks straight up to the front door and knocks boldly. There is no answer so he tries again. Knock, knock.  
A voice inside echoes "Who's there?"  
"Tetheus."  
"Tetheus who?" it queries.  
"Tetheus from Draqueen, on a mission for the Dragonlord", he answers.  
"We don't want any!"  
"I'm here to get a new prescription for Alfeegi, the White Dragon Officer."  
"I'm not interested in working for you dragons any more. One tried to kill me!"  
"We can pay you in fairies!"  
Rune turns to Tetheus, with his mouth gaping open and a red haze rising from his skin. Tetheus shakes his head, mouths "not you", then clamps his hand around Rune's mouth and draws him into an iron embrace. While Rune struggles futilely, Tetheus waits. The door creeks open to reveal the bird-haired alchemist, now sporting a fetching cut on his left cheek. He smiles widely at his visitors.  
"Come in, come in." He gestures them inside and then closes the door, before shuffling back beside them. Looking down, Tetheus notices that he's wearing slippers. Kharl smiles widely at the captive Rune. "Thank you for your offer, but I have all the fairies I need now. I'm not interested in buying more. The market'll disappear soon, if you're still going to look for a buyer."  
Tetheus release his grip on Rune slightly, but keeps his hand firmly in place. "I'm sure that there's an alternate deal that we can easily make," he says.  
"Oh, I'm sure!" agrees Kharl, resting his arm around Tetheus and steering him towards an ominous door. "My Garfakcy will look after your little companion, while we do business. He'll be perfectly safe."  
Tetheus nods and Kharl calls out. "Garfakcy? I need you to look after our guest."  
A bored looking young boy turns up and pulls Rune away from Tetheus, without speaking. Rune stares desperately at Tetheus, but Tetheus only has eyes for Kharl. _He'll be fine. Now, what can I offer Kharl that won't make Alfeegi sicker?_ The ominous door opens, without being touched and the two enter, to begin their negotiations.  
Rune nervously talks to Garfakcy, but gets no answer from the unresponsive boy. He settles for fidgeting and preparing a water spell or two. Relatively soon after, the door disgorges Tetheus and Kharl, Kharl with a huge smile on his face. He amiably shakes Tetheus's hand and walks him to the door.  
"Rune?" says Tetheus, as Rune gulps. "We're leaving now." His voice is unemotional as ever, but it seems as though his spine has relaxed a fraction. Rune sidles away from a scowling Garfakcy, who pulls a knife from his pocket and proceeds to clean his fingernails. Before they can escape Kharl exclaims and returns to the door. He heads inside and comes out bearing a small bottle, which he gives to Tetheus. _ Huh?_  
"This is the love potion I promised you. It's extra strength. As a token of faith." He lowers his head and his grin turns into a smirk.  
_I'd forgotten about this._ "Thanks, Kharl, but I don't need it any more."  
Kharl's head flips around and it is Tetheus's turn to smirk. "Only a few drops should be sufficient to achieve full potency. An overdose is highly dangerous and should be avoided." He continues in a mutter, "I was going to suggest that you use the entire bottle and a large amount of wine."  
Tetheus tucks the bottle into an inside pocket and pats it. _Even if I don't need this for Ruwalk, it's always fun at parties._ The guests are ushered out in silence, Kharl calling out before he shuts the door, "now you won't forget?"  
Tetheus responds calmly, "If you'd seen Alfeegi when we left, you'd know that there is no risk of me letting you down."  
Kharl's full beam return and he closes the door.  
"Tetheus," Rune whispers, horrified. "What did you offer him? And would you have...have..." His body starts to shake.  
_Don't go Alfeegi on me, Rune._ "Of course not. I'd completely forgotten that you used to be an elf. It's as if you'd always been a part of the Dragon family, Rune. I just needed an in to talk to Kharl. Rath nearly ruined things, with his murder attempt. I had to be shocking to get him to listen to me. Kharl was actually most reasonable." _ And catching fairies is tricksy. The bastards can escape through the slightest gap._  
The journey home is uncomfortable this time and Rune sleeps well away from Tetheus. _He's too little for me anyway. I don't like short guys, they make me look ungainly and disproportionate. I never pull as easily when I go out with a short guy._

* * *

**Epilogue**

The new medication works and Alfeegi's paranoia is soon returned to more normal levels. Each new shipment from Kharl gets Alfeegi closer and closer to equilibrium and he is allowed access to table knives and safety scissors. Tetheus is often seen patting his left breast in times of stress, where a small bulge can be seen and local rumour fills in all the gaps in ever more preposterous ways. Tetheus never speaks of the deal he's struck, although when pressed, he says that it is acceptable to the Dragonlord.

Then, one fine day, Ruwalk comes upon Tetheus in the corridors of the castle holding a suspicious brown parcel. He smiles, cocking his head slightly and greets his fellow Dragon Officer.  
Sending a parcel to a girlfriend, Tetheus?" he laughs, caramel tones hanging in the air. Tetheus smiles and steps aside for his friend. A deft flick of the wrist knocks the parcel from Tetheus's hands and into Ruwalk's grasp. He reads the address on the parcel and laughs even louder.  
"This is it, one of the mystery parcels?" His eyes glinting with delight, he fends off Tetheus's grabs and unwraps the parcel. He reaches into the paper and pulls out a purple thong. Tetheus falls back, resigned as Ruwalk splays it on his fingers and holds it up for a better view. "Oh Tetheus, you didn't agree to send him", he sniffs, "your dirty underwear?"  
Tetheus sighs. "What can I say, Alfeegi needed help and I was willing to make the sacrifice." He looks Ruwalk in the eyes. "I'm not ashamed of it."  
Ruwalk bursts into gales of laughter. "Well, you should be. Tetheus? What were you thinking?"  
"You guys seem to be having fun." Cernozoa joins the party and Ruwalk displays his prize to her, proudly.  
"Tetheus is sending his soiled underwear to Kharl the Alchemist, in return for Alfeegi's continued mental wellbeing. What a noble friend. Truly." Laughter spills out once more as Cernozoa examines the thong, with a frown on her face.  
"But Tetheus," she says. "You don't wear these. I've never seen you in anything but boxers."  
The laughs continue, the gap between guffaws growing larger and larger, each one more forced than the last, until it dries up completely. Ruwalk re-examines the garment in front of him, the blood slowly draining from his face. He suddenly thrusts it at Cernozoa, then runs off at full speed. Tetheus calmly plucks the thong from her bewildered hands and parcels it up again.  
"Cernozoa, dear", he says lightly. "There's a runner at the front gate. Could you please hand this to him and tell him to run like the wind?"  
She nods and deserts her lover, before Ruwalk returns.

Tetheus doesn't have long to wait. Ruwalk returns shaking and red-faced, his emotions see-sawing between anger and embarrassment.  
"Tetheus! Why do I have no _underwear_?" he hisses.  
Tetheus holds up his hands and responds. "Ruwalk," he says. "I offered, but Kharl wasn't interested in my underwear. It's actually quite a compliment if you think about it."  
"COMPLIMENT?" he screams, before lowering his voice to a hiss. "What makes you think that knowing that a pervert is collecting my underwear, is any sort of compliment?"  
"You're taking this badly. I thought you'd be upset." Tetheus steps away with every phrase he utters, but Ruwalk presses into him again.  
"Why didn't you send him someone else's and tell him that they were mine?" he demands.  
"He'd know," Tetheus replies calmly. "He's a wizard."  
"Eeewwww. And you were stealing them from my room? Why didn't you even ask me?"  
"I didn't think that you wanted to know that a pervert was doing unknown things to your undies."  
"You're damn right I don't want to know. Ah! Why me?"  
Tetheus blinks. "Well," he begins, before he's interrupted by Ruwalk's powerful embrace. His lips suckle Tetheus's mouth and his own opens slightly, promising a hot and sultry tongue. Tetheus's knees start to buckle, before Ruwalk slams him against the wall. "That's the last kiss you'll ever get from me."

* * *

I am in no way suggesting that Tetheus was going to hand Rune over to Kharl, in exchange for Alfeegi's pills. I'm implying it for humourous purposes. That's completely different.

Thanks to all reviewers. Um, if anyone's interested, you can sign up for author alerts. It's the only way, apart from reviewing, that you get to check on updates without visiting my fanfiction page. Unfortunately, if you do sign up for it, then you'll get an email each time _any _ of my stories are updated. I've got, what, 6 of them now and it'll be a while before this fic is updated again. 


	10. Chill Out or Boil over?

31 May, 2004

Either I'm not as improved at writing as I thought I was, or else a lot of the people that used to read this story, don't bother anymore. Hits went way down at the last chapter. Maybe it's just gotten too big. The idea behind this was that each chapter would stand alone, for the most part. Is ten chapters enough? Should I wrap it up here? There is another one I have to write, but should I leave it at that then? Let Tetheus rest and move on to other victims? After all, I haven't written anything based around the knights yet. Oh well, that'll teach me to leave such a long break between updates. However, they take longer to write now, so you'll have to expect these gaps.

My account at fanfiction.net has gone by the wayside, shakes fist at paypal so now reviews _are_ the only feedback I get. Please review and tell me what works, what doesn't, why you read this far, why you read this far but no further, plot ideas, to say hi! I'd really like some constructive criticism, but unconstructive criticism is just as welcome.

Apologies for everyone on my author alert list. With paypal refusing to take my money, I can't pay for fanfiction and the author alerts will only be sent to subscribers. If the situation changes again, then I'll pay my dues and you'll get your alerts. Sorry again.

Still, thank you to everyone reading now. I'm taking a break from my editing, since when reading chapter 2, I realised why I enjoy writing this story so much. 

Standard warning here. This story is focused on the true meaning of Tetheus, _(lit. pervert)._  
_italics_ are his thoughts. 

**summary:** The Dragon Knights are driving everyone crazy. Will everything chill out before it boils over?

* * *

The loud, ringing crash echoes from the castle over the forests and lawns of the gardens. Tetheus winces from his hiding place under some scrub by the castle walls. _Maybe I should get further away. I know that no-one would look for me this close to the castle, but if they do find me, then I can't pretend not to have heard that._ He sighs. _Choices, choices._ An appalled shriek, like a dying giraffe, rises over the dying echoes of the crash. _I guess Alfeegi's hit the fan, time to move on,_ he listens further, _definitely_. The bushes beside him rustle and Tetheus hunkers down. The rustling grows more vigorous until Cernozoa's head pops out of the greenery.

"Ah! Damn! What do I do?" she asks herself. "If I stay here, I'm safe, but I'm going to have to clean up whatever mess's being made. Perhaps I should try to calm them down, before it gets really bad." 

Despite his survival instinct, Tetheus laughs evilly and Cernozoa's head spins around. She disentangles herself from her hidey hole and pokes at the nearby foliage. 

"Tetheus?" she calls. "Oh, Tetheus, is that you?" She waits, but Tetheus doesn't respond. "You wouldn't be hiding from the nastiness inside, would you?" She pauses again, with the same result. "I'm sure that the brave, strong, Chief of Security wouldn't be avoiding Alfeegi, by holing up in a bush? Now, would he?" As she speaks, she slaps at various twigs and branches pathetically. The scrub is thick in this part of the grounds, but when she grabs a pointed stick and stabs the bushes, she finally manages to extract Tetheus from his nest.

"Of course I was hiding," he states, in a light, false voice. "Just like the brave, enthusiastic, hard-working, motherly, castle administrator. After all, if I can't see it, then I can pretend that it's not happening." He clasps his hands behind his back and stands his ground, his weight on the balls of his feet and his lips pursed.

She eyes his black slacks, which have managed to remain immaculate, despite their brief stay in the undergrowth. "Well, if I'm going in, I'm not going alone," she says, while pulling leaves from her hair and brushing dirt from her clothes. "Your glowers always work on Rath, so you may as well come in."  
"They don't work on Alfeegi, though, so I think I'll stay right here," he says, with another glance at his warm, safe hole. "I was settled down and about to finish off my newest detective novel."  
"Don't you mean romance?" she interrupts. "No matter what, I'm telling Alfeegi that I saw you and that you know something's going on," she threatens. "It won't look good if the Head of Security ignores the loudest fracas in the castle's history." More leaves fall to the ground and she pulls several burrs and twigs from her hair. Her brown dress hides the worst of the dirt stains.  
"Just because you have to endure this unpleasantness, is no reason to drag me in, too," he whines.  
"An excuse that never works on you." She fixes her gaze on Tetheus and continues. "Strange that. Now how do I look?"  
"Warm, compassionate and breath-taking," Tetheus bows and gently brushes his lips against her fingers.  
"Sweet," she states baldly, "but it's not working. Get up."  
Tetheus sighs and accompanies her into the castle.

The castle interior is eerily silent. The candles are low, flickering and sunlight seems to stop at the Great Door. Cernozoa nervously brushes up against Tetheus as she steps over the threshold. He looks down and smiles. _Rethinking this already, are we?_ A lone howl echoes through the entrance hall and Tetheus reflexively steps towards Cernozoa. _Now I'm doing it. Well, if we're facing Alfeegi, we're doing it together. After all, it's just Alfeegi. This is ridiculous! I've got just as much power as he does. I'm not going to be afraid of him!_ Tetheus grasps Cernozoa's hand and clinging desperately to each other, they move deeper into the castle.

"Where was it again?" she whispers.  
"You were the one that wanted to charge in here," he answers. "You're telling me now that you don't even know where _they_ are? We're going in blind? Rule one: always have an exit planned."  
Cernozoa's too jumpy to even glare at Tetheus. "The place looks tidy enough," she says, looking nervously at Tetheus. "Maybe we don't need to interfere."  
Tetheus stops and frowns at her. _Even the shadows are unfriendly._ "I wonder what broke with that last, large crash?"  
Cernozoa wavers back and forth, her weight shifting back towards the exit, then forward, towards Alfeegi. _I can see your mind work. Clear the mess up now, or wait until they're all spent and something truly horrendous has happened. Which will win, cowardice or house pride?_  
"How long did it take you to tidy up the last time?"  
Cernozoa freezes. _ It's funny, you can actually watch the progress of the shiver across the spine. Mmmm, what delicate skin you have, such a beautiful neck._  
"I forget, how much was the replacement chandelier?"  
_Tick, tick, tick._  
"And how many staff didn't return to work the next day? Wasn't one of them your Chief Housekeeper?"

Cernozoa turns firmly and with a set face, she grabs Tetheus's hand and stomps off into the gloom. _Darn, that was so much fun that I forgot just what awaits us._ Cernozoa takes her best guess as to where the fight had been and the pair listen hard for sounds of conflict, but only their footsteps echo. The eerie silence remains._ Now I'm getting worried. How can we find Alfeegi and Rath? Just what happened to shut them both up? I hope neither of them have been killed, that would take forever to clean up and if you miss the tiniest bit of flesh, the stench lingers._ They traipse through the castle, disturbing the occasional mouse, who still can't believe his luck in the deserted building.

A muffled sound comes through a nearby door. Cernozoa creaks open the door and looks in, when Tetheus suddenly pushes her away from him. She steps back and grabs him again, just as Alfeegi turns around. Tetheus patronisingly puts a hand around her shoulders and squeezes gently. He then nods at the White Dragon Officer and squeezes Cernozoa once more.

"Alfeegi," he says, solidly.  
Alfeegi runs at Tetheus, who braces himself for the worst. Cernozoa breaks away from him and gets to a safe distance, where she starts to examine the room for damage. _Yeah, sure! Oh fuck._ Alfeegi tumbles into Tetheus, buries his head in Tetheus's chest and clutches his clothing. He moves his grasp up to Tetheus's collar, his head slowly lifting, until Tetheus can see his bleary, red-rimmed eyes. _Alfeegi?_ Alfeegi scrunches up his face and bursts into tears. Tetheus raises his hands and holds Alfeegi, stroking his hair, while speaking softly.

"Alfeegi, what's wrong?"  
He wipes his eyes on Tetheus's jacket. _You will pay for that. It's one of the few ones I have left. Cernozoa's been throwing out all of my old clothes, so that I'll wear the ones she made me buy._ When Alfeegi's eyes dry, he sniffles and looks up at Tetheus. "Tetheus, it's horrible." He chokes before continuing. "I can't take it anymore. They're driving me crazy and I don't even think they're doing it on purpose! Everything's going out of whack. Even Ruwalk's clothing allowance has grown to an unreasonable size and no-one will tell me why!"  
Tetheus coughs, "Um, well, you see, there's a good reason, for that..."  
Alfeegi's sobs stop for a moment. "You know why?" he asks, curiously.  
Tetheus coughs again. "Well, Ruwalk has a, uh, a, uh, _unique_, problem at the moment. It's not possible to talk about it openly and he'd be very embarrassed if the people who know grow beyond me, Lykouleon and the people who wash his underwear." He coughs significantly. "I'm sure you understand...Alfeegi." _The question is, just what do you understand?_  
Alfeegi's brow furrows. "The people who wash his underwear?" he asks himself, his grip on Tetheus, loosening. "What could ... oh. Oh?" His nose wrinkles in disgust. "Ah, yeah, you mean... Oh, my uncle... Err. Well," he leans in close to Tetheus and speaks in a hoarse whisper. "I just hope that they're disposed of hygienically. I wouldn't like it to be passed on to someone else. In fact, we burnt his, my uncle's. What was left of them anyway. He had it particularly badly," he explains, in a strained voice.  
Tetheus reaches his hands to Alfeegi's and prises them gently from his collar. "I'm glad you understand the need for secrecy and I hope you won't tell anyone." He rubs Alfeegi's fingers briefly, before letting go. "I promised Ruwalk that I'd not say a word to anyone."  
"Oh, of course," Alfeegi assures him, waving his hand dismissively. "You were the very soul of discretion. Poor Ruwalk. It's a tough affliction to have."  
_More than you know. I wonder exactly what Kharl does with it all? Sometimes I'm thankful that I'm only third prettiest._ Outwardly, he merely nodded. _Once again, Alfeegi has calmed down. Kharl really is worth his pay._

Tetheus looks around the room. A broken vase marks the fall of a side table and the curtains are half ripped from their rail. _Looks like Alfeegi threatened to jump out the window again._ A dust of glass on the sill changes his mind. Flecks of blood spot the perfect white and Tetheus glances at his immaculate collar. _Maybe Rath tried to escape and was pulled back in?_ The rest of the room is relatively undamaged. Chairs are overturned and tables cleared of their contents, but the damage is minimal, a scratch here or there. _Rath never leaves a job unfinished and Alfeegi has long since learned the art of total destruction. I wonder if they've both mellowed._ Cernozoa is nowhere to be seen, her survey having taken her to other rooms nearby.

"So where's Rath?" he asks. _Did I say that out loud?_  
"Rath!" Alfeegi stomps up to a nearby table and bashes his fist against the surface. A teacup rattles in its saucer, but doesn't spill. "Those bloody knights! Rune's moping around like he's eaten a wet fish, continually complaining about not being a fairy anymore. Thatz has tried **again** to break into the castle treasury and Rath? Well, Rath's bored." Alfeegi waves his hands as he speaks, until he finally places them uncomfortably on his hips and waits for Tetheus's response, twitching every now and again.  
"Bored?" he asks. _Possibly the worst kind of Rath is a bored one. If only he'd stayed small, when a ball of twine would distract him. Mind you, he could crawl into the most unlikely places back then._  
"Bored," Alfeegi clarifies. "What are you going to do?" He walks right up to Tetheus and challenges him, hissing through his teeth. "You have to get rid of him, or them, all three. Send them somewhere. Find them something to do. Have Kai-Stern babysit. I don't care. Just get them out of the castle before he burns it down!"  
"Rath's gotten a lot better at controlling his fire," Tetheus placates him.  
"But he still hasn't learned the difference between flammable and inflammable," Alfeegi retorts.   
"I'll talk to Lykouleon and see what can be done," he promises.  
Alfeegi humphs and sighs. He looks around and his eyes widen. "What a mess," he exclaims. "It looks like a storm hit." He fusses over table and chairs, righting here, straightening there and thoroughly trashing Rath, whose entire fault it is. Tetheus backs away to the door and nearly bumps into Cernozoa, her hands full of clothing.

"I don't believe it! Do I look like I wash clothes? No! But they always hand their dirty washing over to me! Always! Even if I'm in my nice, fancy clothing, they ignore all the maids wandering around," she turns to stare down Tetheus, "And lord knows, we've a small army of them," she throws the clothes in the air and continues indignantly, "Yet they throw their clothing at me! And it stinks!"  
"Any of Ruwalk's stuff in there?" Alfeegi asks curiously. Tetheus flickers his eyes and Alfeegi shrinks, mumbles and moves away. He starts to tidy again and wrestles with a small cupboard, before calling for Tetheus's help.  
_It's such a small thing. How much of a wimp are you? Urgh!_ Straining at the arms, Tetheus and Alfeegi right the deceptively small cupboard. Before it can be placed down safely, it slips out of Alfeegi's hand and slams into position on the floor. The doors swing open, Alfeegi's mouth drops open and Tetheus bows.

"Your Majesty," he intones.  
Lykouleon smiles, his mouth obviously full with the half-eaten banana in his left hand. "Mummmphble," he mumbles, spewing banana bits on Alfeegi's shoes. He chews vigorously and swallows. "Oh, hello Tetheus, Alfeegi, Cernozoa." He waves. "I was just having a quick snack. Can I offer anyone a banana? Orange? Pastry?"  
"You're in a cupboard," Alfeegi stutters.  
"Yes, er. Well done," he responds. "I crawled in, couldn't get out, banged on the door for a bit, got no answer and fell asleep." _So smooth, I couldn't see the join._ "In fact, might as well get out now that you've freed me. Could someone offer a hand? Small cramp in legs, you see."  
Both Alfeegi and Tetheus reach in and haul their lord out. He teeters on his feet, before falling back on top of the cupboard and settling down. He rubs his legs and flexes his toes. "Be a while before the kinks are worked out, I think." He nods as his eyes travel around the room. "Had a party, did we?"  
"Party?" Alfeegi begins to shake and his skin slowly turns a rosy colour. _One, two, back away, three..._  
"Well, those are the only situations not covered under the 'Notice to have a massive, potentially damaging fight' legislation passed 3 years ago today, if I'm not mistaken. The penalties for not following the procedures laid down are pretty severe. You helped draft it, didn't you, Tetheus?" Lykouleon turns to Tetheus, who inclines his head. Alfeegi's colour shifts to white.  
"Uh, yeah. Me and Rath had a small, er, party. No guests," he mutters.  
"Oh well," Lykouleon smiles. "At least the two of you are getting on better now."  
"Not really, no," Alfeegi whispers, shifting his feet. "I mean, we had a party, to, err, mend fences. They're still pretty much broken, though. I humbly request a transfer to, uh, Luwa, for a month, or ten," he says, miserably. "Your majesty," he adds quickly.  
"Oh no, Alfeegi," Lykouleon pats Alfeegi, who shrinks visibly. "I can't do without you, but maybe it's time to send the boys out on manoeuvers. They'll be getting rusty. Any thoughts, Tetheus?" With that, he turns expectantly to his Chief of Security.  
Tetheus bows. "Unfortunately, sire, Rath's torn through everything. I don't think we've anywhere to send them," he says.  
"How about sending them to investigate the Man-eating Witch?"  
"Dead."   
"The One-Eyed Monster?"  
"Dead."   
"The Demon of the Ice Caves!"  
"Dead."   
"The Spirit of Swamp Castle?"  
"Dead."   
"The Ghost of Bognor Moor?"  
"Dead."   
"Well, obviously."  
"Discombobulated, then."  
"So," the Dragonlord sighs. "I've run out of demons. Maybe a wild goose chase is in order?"  
Tetheus coughs and Alfeegi splutters. "You promised that we'd not mention this again!" he squeals.  
"Quite right. I apologise." He raises his hands and smiles meekly, until Alfeegi calms down. "I'll use this as the first task for our new fortune-teller," he beams.  
"A new fortune-teller?" Alfeegi and Tetheus say together. "What do you mean?"  
"Since Ruwalk killed the old one, getting fortunes has been a bit of a pain. I sent a mail-order for one and she should be here tomorrow." He claps his arms around their shoulders. "Think of it. We'll know when to plant our crops and when we'll have good weather for festivals and such." _What do you know about planting crops? Oh, I hope she doesn't think that she's a serious adviser to the Lord. That could only cause trouble._  
Lykouleon eyes the less than enthusiastic faces of his officers and turns to Cernozoa. "Make up a room. I want everything to be ready when Cesia arrives."

* * *

Flammable and inflammable. One of them has to mean **cannot** be burned, right? Fallible, infallible; divisible, indivisible; visible, invisible; difference, indifference; and so on. Until fairly recently, I was sure that it was safe to use a naked flame near inflammable goods.  
Ah, read this.  
**Usage Note: **Historically, _flammable _and _inflammable _mean the same thing. However, the presence of the prefix _in-_ has misled many people into assuming that _inflammable _means "not flammable" or "noncombustible." The prefix _-in_ in _inflammable_ is not, however, the Latin negative prefix _-in_, which is related to the English _-un_ and appears in such words as _indecent_ and _inglorious_. Rather, this _-in _is an intensive prefix derived from the Latin preposition _in_. This prefix also appears in the word _enflame_. But many people are not aware of this derivation, and for clarity's sake it is advisable to use only flammable to give warnings.  
Source: The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition   
Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company.  
Published by Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved. 

Thank you www.dictionary.com

I recently started a past tense fic. It means that I'm finally getting confused as I'm writing this story and having to edit for tenses. I apologise if any have gotten through. I'm not going to shift tense mid-story and so the process of writing two stories with different tenses, may have a negative impact in this sense. 


	11. Dragoon Ink Wants You!

#bows before Aquajogger# Wow, a long review. Thank you. Kitchel? Hmm, you see, I wanted Tetheus to have a line that he would not cross. You need your pervert to have a shred of nobility, in order to make him a slightly sympathetic character. Being perverted, the innocent are a wonder to him. But, having that one bit of nobility, he keeps away from them. Of course, Tetheus would rationalise that the young are inexperienced and therefore boring. I guess that's why he's no interest in Alfeegi. I always assumed that Kitchel was the same age as Thatz, so she should be off limits. On the other hand, Kitchel, hmm, I do have an idea now. All I need is a summary. A sneak thief threatens to take Tetheus's jewels, heart and reputation. You can expect it to be written for the chapter after this one. I haven't finished writing about Cesia, yet. Although, I may push it back further, as I've got a really cool story in my head now. It's a flashback 

Thanks also Lady Dragonnaine. I haven't gotten any really long reviews, then two come along at once. I'm horrible at angst. Reading the early chapter of my angst story last night made me shudder. I was so proud of it before, but there you go. Some form of humour seems to be my thing, but I'll branch out into different styles now and again. Even though I didn't get my other story to come out the way I wanted, you can tell by how this story changes, the effect it did have on it. I learned to edit and that's made the biggest difference. I'm still to lazy to do it properly here, though. 

Thanks also, Akisawana and Jena. I'm glad you're still enjoying it. 

There are many more stories for this. I know there are. I just don't know what they all are yet. However, thanks to Aquajogger I have another one fully plotted, so that makes three more that I will definitely write. I'm in a quandary though. I don't know where to put the potion story. I was originally going to write it as the last one ever. 

**Warning!** Perversion contained inside. 

_italics_ are his thoughts. 

**Summary:** A tell-all story detailing the sordid love-lives of the castle's denizens? Who on Dusis thought that would be a good idea? 

* * *

_Nothing really seemed to change and yet everything did. I remember the instant he spoke. "She'll be here tomorrow." Then he leered at me and I knew I was in trouble. My knees shaking, I tried to run, but he caught me easily. Like a dog with a stick, he pounced on me and threw me to the floor. I quivered in terror beneath him.  
"No, my lord. Why?" I pleaded. He laughed at me and I could see the blood rising in his veins. I knew he was beyond reason. I knew that I was doomed and I wept._

* * *

No, No, No. This is much harder than I thought it would be. He looks down at the pages covering his desk and rifles through the sheets. _I really thought I had something earlier. I thought I was on a roll. Hmmm. Maybe it is a bit cliché, but perhaps I could put a new spin on it._ He pushes the pages aside and opens his writing desk. Stuck to the underside is a dog-eared notice.

Calling all aspiring romance novelists!  
Dragoon Ink (TM) is looking for the bodice ripper to beat all bodice rippers  
Could YOU be the toast of the romantic publishing industry?  
Enter our competition to find out!  
All entries must be submitted before the Midsummer Solstice. No purchase necessary. Contact our offices for further details.

He presses his thumbs to his temples and concentrates on the words. _Bodice Ripper. Dragoon Ink. No purchase necessary. _Finally he sighs. _If only I had the guts to request the further information. But if that stuff came to the castle, what would people say? My reputation would go straight down the drain._ He looks at one of the inspirational notes accompanying the notice. _**Write what you know.** I wonder if anyone would be interested in tales from my life? Nah, all the stories are about milkmaids forced to sleep with the lord of the manor and women forced to marry against their will, by a cruel world. Who'd be interested in life at the very boring castle at the centre of Draqueen? _

People are always curious about what goes on at the castle, but I can't tell them what really happens. It's so dull. No evil pirate lords, no dark, sexy strangers with a secret heart of gold and no-one being forced to sleep with anyone. He sighs. _They all just jump into bed with each other. Nothing like a proper romance novel. I also can't write as myself, I'd stand out too easily. Maybe if I pretended to be one of the girls? Or wrote anonymously?_ He laughs. _I'd have to really spice things up._ He pulls out a small notepad. _Of course, all the names would have to be changed, but maybe I could come up with something to clinch this competition._

He flicks open his notepad and writes _Shady Deeds in Dragon Castle: Working Title_, then chews his pen for a bit. He writes _Cast:_ underneath, then _Plot:_ beside it. He then draws a line down between the two. Nothing else comes to him, so he closes the notepad and tucks it into his inside pocket. Before he shuts the writing desk, he pulls out a dog-eared book and reads the dedication inside. 

To Tetheus, Happy Birthday. Maybe we could try out page 164.   
Cernozoa. 

_Ah, pages 164 through 170. How fondly I remember thee._ He returns the book and closes his desk with a sigh. _Back to work. If only I could take some time off now and again. It may be time for a "business trip" soon. There's a new brothel in Luwa, that I've heard good things about._

He sits for a moment, holding his head and staring at the empty desk. _Maybe I should add in a tall, dark stranger, with the hint of danger around him, to balance out the weedy blonde?_ Sighing again, he stands up, crosses the room and leaves through the door. _Lykouleon wants to introduce the new fortune-teller today. I'd better get Ruwalk, before heading in. I'm curious as to how **that** meeting's gonna go._

Tetheus finds Ruwalk awkwardly standing outside the Dragonlord's suites, desperately arranging some flowers. _Must be looking for any excuse to put off meeting this Cesia._ He stares at the harassed Dragon Officer, lingering on his shapely thighs and tight, velvet shirt. _What does this remind me of?_ When he tires of the view, Tetheus sneakily approaches Ruwalk from his blind side. 

"Ruwalk, have you seen a gimp mask around anywhere?" he asks the nervous dragon.  
Ruwalk jumps and spins, breathing again when he sees Tetheus. He then launches into full voice. "Why on DUSIS would you think that I would have one of THOSE?!"   
Tetheus waits calmly for the sentence to finish.  
"Mine's gone missing," he says evenly. "I hope that Rath hasn't borrowed it again."  
"Oh!" Ruwalk doesn't know quite where to look. His eyes flick over Tetheus's face, the wall, the flower arrangement, then settle on his fingers. 'N-no," he says, flexing them and scratching at the skin. "I haven't seen, um, that, anywhere. If I do see, see, an, um, gimp mask anywhere, I'll, I'll s-send it to you. Um."  
Tetheus nods and steps past, but Ruwalk suddenly reaches out and grabs his arm. The Black Dragon Officer turns and raises an eyebrow.  
"I'll help you look for it," he says, with an empty face.  
_Wow, you really don't want to meet this girl. Ah, I've got it! Main cast decided. **The innocent, guileless, mopey, airhead fortune-teller, who knows everything but the truth hidden in her own heart and the dark-haired, sexy officer, who's fated to betray and destroy her. Can two hearts find each other, when destiny itself conspires against them?** Perfect! This practically writes itself. It's star-crossed loves, her with a pure and noble heart, him with a dark and foreboding past. I hope he doesn't get this one killed before I finish. Although, that might improve ratings. _

"Tetheus?" he says, drawing back a little. "Are you okay?"  
"Oh, fine," Tetheus answers, placing his hand over Ruwalk's and squeezing slightly. "I just think I know where to find it now. Don't worry." He pats Ruwalk's hand lightly. "Shall we go in? I know the Dragonlord's dying to introduce us to his new employee." 

Downcast, Ruwalk mutters something and stalks down the corridor beside Tetheus. Hands in his pockets, he scuffs the ground as he walks, his shoes making a squeaky noise. Tetheus reaches into his pocket and pulls out the notebook. He writes _Cesia_ and _Ruwalk_ under the cast list. Staring at the floor, Ruwalk doesn't notice. He adds _R killed C's predecessor, is C safe? Her mind says no, but her heart doesn't care. What is the truth behind his past?_ to the plot section. Shortly, they reach the room where Lykouleon is waiting with Cesia. With a heavy sigh, Ruwalk pushes open the door and they stride in. Alfeegi and Lykouleon are the only two present, though the cosy room could easily hold a hundred. 

"Ah, you didn't hear either?" Lykouleon calls down to them, as they cross the grey carpet. Alfeegi and he are munching on snacks from the cloth covered table nearby. It's heavily laden with food and wine. As they approach, he motions to them to help themselves. _Lykouleon, you're now a character in my story. _Tetheus takes a plate and fills it with a small salad, then goes looking for the chicken wings. He sees none, then spies the remains of one in the Dragonlord's hand and a pile of small bones on his plate. _A minor one._ Tetheus then notices that a nasty peanut sauce covers the skewered chicken. He takes some cold ham instead and a cooked yam, which he leaves on top, to heat up the meat. Ruwalk completely ignores the food. Lykouleon cheerfully eats on. Alfeegi's cheeks are flushed and his glass is full. Three empty red wine bottles stand beside the five full bottles of white wine. _And you're impotent._

"Well, Cesia isn't here yet," says Lykouleon.  
"Unforeseen circumstances?" Tetheus asks, as he arches an eyebrow.  
"Maybe she heard about Ruwalk," jokes Alfeegi, giggling to himself and slightly bent over with the hilarity of the situation. "After all, he killed the old one..."  
"Hey!" says Ruwalk, forcefully.   
"It was your fault," points out Lykouleon, absently petting Alfeegi and wavering slightly.  
"But it was an accident," he grumbles. "I was cleared at the enquiry."  
"Yeah, right," answered Alfeegi. "As if you ..." A coughing fit interrupts him and he bends over to get it out of his system. The Dragonlord holds onto him and strokes his back, as the coughs rack his slender frame. He steadies Alfeegi as they both sway back and forth. Lykouleon continues, as he gets a mouthful of wine down Alfeegi's throat.   
"Drink something. Now, where was I? Yes, yes. I got a letter. She says that she foresaw dire consequences if she didn't visit Costa Rica for a few weeks, at my expense, before starting work here. Apparently, she foresees a tremendous disturbance." He smiles broadly and holds up a glass, his proud pose marred only by his bobbing head. "See? I got a good one!"  
_Oh lord._ "Isn't there a heat-wave in Costa Rica, right now?" states Tetheus, his face carefully absent of emotion.  
"I do believe you're right," calls up Alfeegi, from the floor.  
"I asked for a present," says the smiling Dragonlord.  
Ruwalk smacks his forehead. "So why are we here?"  
"Well," says Lykouleon, wobbling a bit. "I cancelled the party, but the food was already set up. Seems a shame to waste it. Dig in!" 

Various high-ranking dragons drift in, as their shifts end. When the food is demolished, the party has grown so large that Lykouleon orders another tableful from the kitchen and an extra three cases of wine, from the cellar. They don't replenish the chicken wings. Ruwalk makes his excuses and leaves fairly early on, but Tetheus prowls the party, before deciding whether to stay or not. While talking to an old conquest with a daring, low-cut top, he overhears a conversation between a bunch of giggling girls. 

"I don't think that I could finish mine in time," one laughs. "I'm such a slow writer."  
"That's a pity," says another, smugly. "I'm nearly finished mine."  
""Well," says a blonde, daintily brushing some crumbs from her tight, green, velvet dress. "I've not completed my first draft yet, but I've quite a saucy plot lined up."  
"Ooh," coos a petite brunette, in a dress two sizes too small for her overflowing bosom. "What's it about? Mine's got pirates in it and the main character is a princess who's really sweet and she gets kidnapped by them and they rape her, but she falls in love with the pirate captain and he leaves her, then realises that he loves her, but when he returns to her, he finds that she's killed herself." She fills her mouth with a small cake, while waiting for the praise of her cohorts.  
"Well, mine's about a tall, dark and handsome swordsman, who meets a short, plump but bubbly blonde. He asks her out to the park and the dance hall and they get locked out one night and have to cuddle up under the stars, where they fall in love," says a short, plump, but bubbly blonde, in a plum skirt and blouse. "Then they get married and live happily ever after."  
"Mine's about a milkmaid," stutters the wallflower.  
"Harem dancer," says the next in the circle.  
"Serving girl."   
"War-ravaged city."  
"Courtesan."  
"Long lost sister of the king."  
"Demons," says the dainty blonde, with a dark glower. Everyone falls silent at her audacity.  
_Rats, I'm going to have to ramp mine up a notch. Okay, the infamous Dating Party is going in. I'd better add some lesbians too. One of them can toy with Cesia. And I need a situation where Ruwalk is forced to her side, to save her. After all, where's the tension if the two of them stay apart from each other? Hmm, a prowling murderer? Rapist? Ruwalk a possible suspect at the start? This does write itself._

No further interesting titbits emerge and Tetheus excuses himself from his well-endowed companion. He returns to his room and feverishly writes through the long night. When dawn breaks, he signs off on the final page. Smiling at the emerging sunlight, he deposits his competition entry into a carefully prepared envelope and seals it tightly. _Did I remember to add contact details?_ He breaks it open again and adds a few lines, the address of a post office box, in the town. The novel is resealed and he steals away, while the castle sleeps, to post it to Dragoon Ink. 

A week after midsummer, he's woken up by the awesome sight of an angry Lykouleon. The Dragonlord throws a newly published book at him, the pages still warm from the presses. The title glares out at him, in bold print: **Scandal at Dragon Castle, by Keigh Hay**. _I won?_ He looks at Lykouleon's smouldering face. _Oh no._

* * *

So what happened to Cesia? Well, you read the first few lines, right? I typed that and the whole idea came into my head. Then I was going to leave Cesia out. Then I wasn't cos I'd mentioned her in the last chapter. Then I was going to run both ideas together. Then I realised that that wouldn't work. Each chapter has its own little plot and it would be a waste of a great idea. This idea deserves its own chapter. So, no Cesia. Yet. Still, how's she going to react, eh? Also, I can't imagine Tetheus writing the book, if he'd actually met her.

Also, _Cé hé? _(Kay Hay) means _Who is that? _or_ Who is he?_ It's not japanese, so don't add it to your own fics, but it's better than typing _Who Wrote this? by Anne Onomous_. I haven't heard any of those jokes in years. My favourite is _Cliff-fall Tragedy, by Eileen Dover_. 

Gah, one of the reasons that I was thinking of finishing up is the tense thing. I've switched to past tense for my new fics and it's starting to bugger me up. When writing this fic I sometimes put things in the past tense and vice versa with the new ones. If I finished this up and wrote everything in the past tense, I wouldn't have to worry. It's annoying, cos I never had this problem before. Especially since I switch the story I'm writing for, a lot. When I've problems with this, I used to write some of _A Suitable Bride_ and vice versa. They are both in present tense, so no problem. However, that'll be finished soon. Hopefully, I'll get a first draft before next week, but I'd double it at the least. So many things looking for my time. 

Ah, what was it, book 14 before they mentioned that Dragoon is the Kingdom of the Dragonlord and Draqueen its capital? I was so confused by that. I saw Dragoon mentioned in other fics, but figured that there were translation issues and that Dragoon and Draqueen were equivalent. I wondered what the place was called. At least I know now. Oh yeah, please review if you have any comments to make about the story. I don't know how to get better unless I get feedback. Don't be afraid to be negative, I need to know what areas to improve on.


	12. The Libelled Close In

When thinking about one of my other stories, I realised why Lykouleon needs Raseleane. It's so obvious! I was gonna mention it there, in the notes, as it was a bit vulgar for me to work with. Then again, it fits perfectly in here.

If I allowed character interaction in the author's notes, then I'm sure that Tetheus would explain about the difference between good girls and bad girls, Aquajogger. They're an artificial distinction, used to reassure daddy and mammy and also a tool for sexy roleplaying. Basically a bad girl likes sex, so does a good girl. There are two kinds of good girl, the bad girl using it to seduce and the innocent girl, who when exposed to sex, gives herself completely to it, with no guilt and absolute passion. One views sex as dirty, one doesn't, both enjoy it. People in between, just don't have as much fun.

**Warning:** This is perverted.

**Summary:** Can a lonely, sensationalist author create a cunning enough deceit to survive the cut-throat world of professional writing? What happens when those whom you've lied about track you down?  
  


* * *

.  
A few weeks after midsummer, a tired and surly Tetheus is woken early by the awesome sight of an angry Dragonlord. He blearily picks up the novel dumped beside him and flicks through the pages. The contents of it are already known to him, but as he reads each salacious passage, he can see why some denizens are the castle are going to want to kill him. _How did Lykouleon find me so quickly?_ He turns page after page, slower and slower, trying to find a construct of lies that will stand up to the Dragonlord's fury. He can feel Lykouleon's bubbling rage as he desperately tries to concentrate on the book and all evidence linking him to it. _They must have put the screws on the publisher, then staked out my post office box and followed me when I got my returned script. But how'd they know? I bet they had first approval on it. Moles in the publishing industry, or something. Come to think of it, who was on the judging panel?_ Eventually, Lykouleon runs out of patience.

"It says that I'm impotent!" wails the Dragonlord. His lower lip trembles and he slumps onto the bed beside Tetheus. Turning to him, his eyes red and swollen, he continues. "Everyone knows that I can't sleep around, because my bodily fluids are poisonous. Can you imagine it? Every girl I sleep with would die. That's awful, far too big a price to pay." He hugs himself and Tetheus retracts the comforting hand he'd extended and thinks _Okay, the plan to get you really drunk is totally scratched now. Ouch!_ "Raseleane would know!" Lykouleon screams. "Every single time!"

_Step one, calm the Dragonlord by distracting his attention. I think I know something that may help here._ Tetheus struggles up in the bed and settles a pillow against his back, artfully exposing his taut, muscly torso, before turning to his distraught visitor. "Lykouleon, have you ever heard of condoms?"  
"Condoms?" asks the Dragonlord, blinking his painful eyes. "What are they?"  
"They're a cover that you place on your manhood," Tetheus informs him, with a cough. "They're used by many men to stop their lover getting pregnant and to protect them from venereal diseases." A small candle starts to burn in Lykouleon's head. "They're not foolproof. They can break, slip off, or just be badly made. I kn... have heard of people who used them and still got sick or pregnant, but there is a chance, a good chance that your lover will be okay afterward. "  
"Really?" asks the Dragonlord, his mouth gaping as he runs things through in his head. "I know," he says, starting to smile. "I'll ask Kharl the alchemist to make infallible ones."  
"My lord?" says Tetheus, with a note of alarm. "Are you sure that's wise? We're already dependant on him for Alfeegi's pills..."  
"Ah, so you have to steal an extra pair of Ruwalk's knickers. Big deal," he replies dismissively.  
"I do have a sexy lace g-string that I was keeping for an extra-special occasion," says Tetheus. _I'm going to miss them, but I think that the situation calls for underwear of a high calibre._  
"Wonderful," says the Dragonlord. "Get on it right away!" He bounds up off the bed and happily performs a sexy dance. "Woo-hoo! I'm gonna get some!" Flushed from his exhibition he turns to leave. While striding to the door, he calls back to Tetheus, "Find out who this Keigh Hay person is. We think that it's someone who works in the castle. Raseleane, Ruwalk and a few others are furious at their portrayal in the book. It's not good for our reputation either. Can you believe it?" he says, turning to the half-naked Dragon Officer. "Even Cesia is in it! Of course there are aliases, but I don't think that Tesia, Luwark, or Rykouryon will fool anybody." He pauses at the door, shocked. "Rykouryon? Even my dad is in it! Lucky I escaped, eh?" he says, with a completely straight face.

"Of course, my lord," answers Tetheus, with an equally blank expression.

As soon as the Dragonlord leaves, he flops back down on the bed, sweat pouring out. _Aliases? I didn't think of that. I used everyone's real name! Thank goodness the publishers altered them, but really, what crap choices._ The sweat soaks into his sheets, as the situation turns around in his head. Suddenly, he sits bolt upright. _Oh, my sweet fuck! The original is in my drawer. With the real names! If anyone sees it, they'll know that it's the original script! I have to get rid of it!_ He jumps to his feet and scrambles to the drawer. The script's safe inside. He breathes easily, but holds off on picking it up. _If anyone sees me with it, I'll be in trouble. I need to think about how I'm going to dispose of it. Or rather, to whom I'd going to dispose of it. If this is found in someone else's room, anything pointing to me's going to be overlooked. Still, I can't leave it in the open._ He moves a few books and hides it in the false bottom, with his diary. He then rips down the competition notice and burns it in his fireplace, scattering the ashes when he's done.

He breathes more easily, then returns to the bed and picks up the discarded book. He looks at it for a moment and then runs a finger down its smooth spine. He smells the full leather of the cover and closely examines the binding. He then marvels at the crisp, fine paper containing his words, in beautiful typeface. Holding it to his chest, the only thing spoiling the moment, is that his name isn't on the cover. _I knew that I could beat that dippy blonde and her cackling horde of wannabes._ He holds it a moment longer, then tenderly lays the book down on his desk and steps back.

Tetheus the Black reaches into his inside pocket and pulls out a notebook. He opens it to a clean page and writes Suspects at the top, in clear letters. _Now, who can I realistically frame?_ Alfeegi makes the number 2 spot, after disgruntled, former worker Ted. He also adds Kharl the Alchemist and A Minion of Nadil, to the list. _That's four. I'll need to cast my net wide and work quickly._ He puts the notebook away and opens his door. _First step on any investigation is some forceful marching around the Castle. That usually makes people nervous. A bit of grimacing should keep people away, while I appear to know what I'm doing. Hopefully, I'll get some inspiration. I hate not having a plan. When in doubt, apply slogging police methods. They're slow, which will give me time to think and sometimes, the evidence can lead to interesting possibilities._

He stomps around the castle, looking sternly ahead, not catching the glances of anyone he passes and trying to keep a grim stare in place. _Don't panic, don't panic._ The longer his walk becomes, the more nervous he feels about the people he passes by and the more his forceful glare wanders from the path ahead. Everyone who sees him is openly curious. Groups whisper among themselves, as he passes. If he directs a stern look at any of them, the whispering becomes more furious. _They know? They know! Shit! Keep the mask in place, keep walking._ He marches on.

His first lap of the castle is nearly complete, with no inspiration in sight, when he runs into Cernozoa. He doesn't notice her, face forward, looking neither left nor right, but she smiles, waves and finally grabs his arm and pulls him off his circuit and into a private corner.

"So," she says, with a shy smile and a saucy wiggle. "I guess you know."  
"Know?" Tetheus asks. "What do you mean?"  
She smiles broadly and reaches out to stroke his arm. "Tetheus. You've been traipsing through the castle all morning, glaring at everyone. They all think that you're furious, now that you've finally found out."  
"Found out?" he asks, confused. _Blood pressure dropping. She doesn't look upset, she looks amused. What have I missed?_  
She regards him for a moment, her eyebrows raised, then sighs softly. "I never know what you're thinking." She leans in again and takes his hands, caressing them gently. "You've read the book, right? Lykouleon found out about it today and we knew he'd go to you. You must have read it."  
"I skimmed it," he admitted, slowly. "I haven't explored it in depth, though. The Dragonlord only gave me a copy this morning." _Although I could probably recite the entire thing, word for word, you don't ever need to know that._  
"Well," she says. "It's a scandalous look at the castle. Everyone's in it," she smirks, "or are claiming that they are. Each minor unnamed character is being fought over. There are practically duels over which of us is the _Lady in Velvet_ mentioned."  
Tetheus looks at her. _Cernozoa, that's you._  
She continues, oblivious. "Lykouleon's in it..."  
"He's claiming that it's his dad," Tetheus interrupts.  
"Of course," she says, with a blank face. "Lykouleon's dad, Lykouleon's wife, his best friend, his fortune-teller, his Dragon Officers, everyone important." She pauses and looks at Tetheus. He says nothing and obviously disappointed, she says softly, "Except for you, Tetheus. You're not even mentioned."

He casts his mind back through his story, examines the words in his memory and his heart sinks. _You're right. I left myself out of it. Totally. What a frigging give-away. Of course I'm the most obvious suspect. Why would the most important member of the Dragon Secretariat be left out of a scandalous book based on the Castle, unless he was the author? Who else would do that? I'm ruined._

Her eyes sparkle warmly as she squeezes his hands. "Not a word about you. They must have thought that you were too boring to write about." She laughs deeply and throatily. The sound is like chocolate. "It can't possibly be written by anyone that knows you, or has known you." She smiles again, cocking her head. "That should make your search for the author a lot easier. Ruwalk comes across as this great sexy beast. If it wasn't for the fact that it rakes up old dirt, that I'm sure he'd hoped never to hear of again, I'd have him pegged straight away as the writer."  
_Huh?_  
"So," she asks, an evil gleam lighting her eyes. "Who is it?"  
_Not me? They don't think it's me. They don't even suspect. I'm safe!_  
His shoulders shake and Cernozoa's tone turns to one of alarm.  
"Tetheus, it's okay. Hey, honey, you're a great, sexy stud and you know it."  
He manages to control the threatened outbursts of joyous mirth and speaks with a catch in his throat. "I'm fine, Cernozoa. It is as well that I am not mentioned in this sordid book, since respect for the law is undermined by this sort of business. And as you say, it should make it easier to track down the culprit."

Unexpectedly, she holds him and gently touches her lips to his. "I wish you were my secret," she says. "I'd feel so great being the only one to know the truth behind the man inside you. But I'm glad that only a few in the castle are privy to this truth. I'm glad that Keigh Hay kept it. I'm glad she didn't know."  
"You think it's a woman?" he asks, as he softly kisses the delicate skin on her shoulders and neck.  
"Of course," she whispers. "No man could write like that."

* * *

.  
Wow, Tetheus bothered about something? The world must be ending, but I reckon that's enough to give a heart attack, even to him.

There's a fair bit left in this arc. Funny how it came out of nowhere. Anyway, I reckon that introducing Cesia will take a chapter in itself and should hopefully end the mystery of the dastardly book of scandal and intrigue. This Cesia ... is not the same Cesia as you'd find in the Dragon Knights books. I like that Cesia, she's got a good head on her shoulders, she's strong and she's skills and powers enough to stand up for herself. But she wouldn't fit in here. Then again, considering her as she first turned up ... She did steal Nadil's head ... You'll see when she shows up.

I'm sorry that her entrance's been delayed again, but the chapter'd be twice as long and take more than twice as long to finish. That's the problem. I've never been as prolific as I've been recently. I've another fic to polish off and it might be up before the end of the week. The shorter the chapters are, the tighter my editing is and the faster its updated. I think I get discouraged when the chapters grow too large, as well. _Rune's Quest for Peace_ and _Kakashi's Sedentary Adventures_ have the prettiest language in them, but they're shorter than my other fics.

Anyway, I think I found a natural ending. I didn't want to stick in another cliff-hanger, but Tetheus obviously isn't out of the woods yet.


	13. Chancer, Charlatan, Competent, Calculati...

Okay, Welcome to Chapter 13, lucky for some. Is it lucky for Tetheus, though? He got a respite last week, but a nasty surprise is waiting.

It's funny how things go. I was all smug at Cernozoa's last line, 'Of course. No man could write like that.' since, after all I'm a woman. Then I realised that I haven't actually written the book, yet it was almost as real to me as it is to them. It's times like that when you need to study the diagram again. (The diagram explains the difference between dreams and reality. It's illustrated in Father Ted, a sitcom. My favourite Father Ted bit has to be Ted showing Dougal some toy cows and saying, "The cows here are small, the ones out there are far away. Small. Far away.")

Ack, I've gotten down to the monsters under the bed and I've realised that it's all in past tense. To make it easier for myself, I'm switching to past tense from now on. I apologise for any jarring this causes, but now that _A Suitable Bride_'s finished, this would be the only present tense fic that I'm writing and trying to remember which tense I'm writing in, when I tend to work on several simultaneously, is extra hassle I don't need. If everything's written the same way, I've no trouble and I was doing this to learn how to write. So, from this point on, Tetheus is a past tense fic.

**warning:** Tetheus, the Black Dragon Officer and Head of Security, has a mind like a sewer.

_italics_ are his thoughts.

summary: Cesia, the Hack Fortuneteller arrives. Will she expose Tetheus as the villain behind the scandalous novel sweeping Dusis?  
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* * *

.  
A cold wind blew down the streets, rustling litter, ballooning skirts and threatening the modesty of their wearers. It created miniature waves on the puddles left by this morning's rain and nudged a flow of water from an unclogged downspout, onto the head of a hat-less noble. As he cursed the weary peasant, still poking at the drain, high on his ladder, it stole the words out of his mouth and threw them at the feet of a poor cripple boy, huddled up beside a gaudy tent, on the green. It tormented him a little, freezing his skin with its cold fingers, before stealing up the trouser-leg of a certain frosty Dragon Officer.

_Ah! It's bloody cold! Why do I have to stand out here, in line! with a bunch of no-good, gullible fools? Look at these pathetic morons, risking pneumonia and a nasty cold, just to see a travelling fortune-teller. Why am I here? Why did I bother? How'd I get dragged into this mess? _

"Isn't this great?" asked the hooded fool beside him, interrupting his moody introspection. "It's like we're waiting to meet a ... oh, I don't know. Someone important. With presents. It's like, yes, like your birthday. I'm glad we snuck out."

Tetheus sighed and wrapped himself in his warm, woollen coat. _Only you would find this entertaining._ He looked up the line at the series of giggling girls, impatient nobles, earnest farmers and eager Dragon Fighters. _Dragon Fighters?_

His companion squealed "So, do I really look like a commoner in this? Do I?"

Tetheus shook his head. "Why are we here again?" he asked frostily.  
"Well," said his friend, matter-of-factly. "There's been no fortune-teller in the castle, since Salazar died and I don't know when Cesia'll turn up. We need to know if there's anything dangerous, or important, that we don't know about, but should. We simply can't wait for her, we need guidance."  
"You have got four advisors, your Majesty," Tetheus pointed out. "We've kept you up to date on everything and the castle's been safe, hasn't it?"  
"Well, yes," Lykouleon admitted. "But don't call me that. Someone might hear and it's not proper that we're going to a fortune-teller that everyone can use."  
"Why do we need one at all?" Tetheus whispered.  
"We need to know what sort of unexpected things to expect," said Lykouleon staunchly. "We need a fortune-teller. We've always had a fortune-teller." He squirmed uneasily, under his concealing cloak. "Not having one is creepy. There are certain things they do that you or Alfeegi couldn't."  
"Like what? Hunt the monsters from under your bed?"  
"Oh, please," smiled the Dragonlord. "They live in the wardrobe, as well you know."

Luckily, most of those visiting the fortune-teller entered in groups. Each visit was long, though. Lykouleon hid quietly under his cosy cloak, thinking of important questions to ask the fortune-teller, while Tetheus watched the line, trying to recall the Dragon Fighters names and deciding if disciplinary action was in order. _Now, I don't need to worry about exposing myself. If I just talk to them back at the castle, my reputation for knowing every deed done by the fighters will grow and that'll keep them in line. Hmm. But are they actually doing anything wrong? I may have to leave it with a cutting remark, rather than menial labour. Pity, there were some nasty jobs I could do with free labour for._ He widened his scan to the rest of the winding line and counted those in front of him._ How long will we be waiting? If that lot are together and those two are with each other and that one goes in with her, then we're here for another hour, at best._

"This is ridiculous," he finally said. "If you just spoke up, we could barge to the head of the line, as we usually do and no-one would complain. I've a myriad of things to be doing, back in the castle." _Finding a hot whiskey and downing it in one, for instance._  
"Be calm, Tetheus," Lykouleon muttered sagely, from under his hood. "Everything that's urgent will be dealt with by Ruwalk and everything else can keep."  
_Everything can keep, but I'd prefer if they kept for something even slightly more interesting._  
Lykouleon muttered something. _Huh? Sounded like, "I want to test this girl." Good lord, he's not found his first victim for Dragonlord loving, has he?_

The line moved forward in stops and starts. Group after group entered the tent and left wide-eyed and goggle-mouthed. Those at the top were always eager and excited, _probably due to side-effects from exposure. If someone succumbed while in the queue, then at least I wouldn't be waiting as long._ Eventually, a pair of Dragon Fighters entered the tent, leaving only some small children, clutching their pocket money and obviously hoping to learn of their future. _Why would you want to narrow down your possibilities at this stage?_ Tetheus towered over the miniature humans and leaned forward, for a little extra looming power. The kids cowered away from him, but didn't quit the queue. However, Tetheus noticed a gap in the tent's material and stretched up to take a peek inside.

The cripple boy called up, alarmed, "Hey! You can't do that!"  
Tetheus ignored him and sniffed the air. "There's a weak demon aura in the vicinity," he said. He looked at the cripple then and sniffed more obviously. "I think it's coming from this direction."

The boy swallowed hard. He smiled uneasily and grasped ahold of the bottom of the tent. With a final cheeky grin, he lifted the material and rolled into the tent, slamming it back down again after him. Tetheus walked over to where he had been and made to grab the canvas, but a shake of the Dragonlord's head stopped him from following.

Tetheus returned to Lykouleon's side and peered into the tent, once more. The boy was nowhere to be seen, but the Dragon Fighters were talking to someone that was obscured from Tetheus's sight. Tetheus strained and he could just make out the words they spoke.

"Cross my palm with silver", said the obscured figure, holding out a heavily jewelled hand. Rings sparkled on every finger and numerous bangles reflected light from the dim lamps on the table. _I didn't know that telling fortunes was so lucrative. I guess when you con the gullible, you may as well do it for huge amounts of money._

As one of the Fighters reached out to place something in her hand, the second grabbed his arm. "No! Not my Grandfather's medals," he shouted. "Where did you get those? Give them back!"  
"They're made of real silver, aren't they?" said the first, shaking him off. "I don't have any silver items, you've no others. What else do you want to do?"  
"Not use those!" said the second, attempting to grab them. "They're more precious than any fortune. They're an heirloom and they're mine!"  
_I can't remember their names, was it D - something, or S- something? Oh man, sometimes my memory is just swiss cheese. I was talking to them, I hired them, chewed them out for the first time, when I was bored.... What are their names?_

"Do you remember how long we waited in line?" said Dee, firmly. "If we don't use them, then it was for nothing. I don't want a wasted journey and you were the one that really wanted to come."  
"I know," wailed Ess. "But they're not mine, they're my family's and besides, only one of them is real silver."  
"Which one?" asked Dee, bringing the medals closer to Ess.  
"This one!" exclaimed Ess, as he grabbed the entire lot from Dee.  
"If you simply place it in my hand," said the fortune-teller, interrupting their squabble with the merest hint of impatience, "I can use it to divine your future. It will return unharmed ... for a gratuity."  
"All right!" said Dee, digging into his pocket. "We'll go halves then."  
Ess happily pocketed his precious medals, except for the one that he placed in the psychic's outstretched hand. Her fingers closed over it and she murmured appreciatively. "Oh, there are good vibrations from this object. It will give a strong telling." Her other hand flicked out and the fighters each deposited some coin in its palm. This hand disappeared more quickly, then reappeared holding a dirty glass marble, which she placed in a stand in the centre of the table. As it slotted into place, it started to glow. She waved her empty hand over it theatrically, then emitted a low guttural moan. The fighters were suitably impressed.

"I can see that you had lost something dear to you, but you've now found it. You're still very worried about it, though," she said, somehow speaking through her nose.  
"No," said Dee, puzzled.  
"Yes!" exclaimed Ess.  
"I sense, yes, I'm being told that someone close to you, a grandfather? Was he, in the army?" she asked Ess, breathlessly.  
"Yes, he was!" he said, drawing closer to the shadowy figure. "He..."  
"He was a great hero," she said, interrupting him. "He brought great glory onto your family's name."  
"That's true!" said Ess, excitedly. "I..."  
"You followed in his path," she murmured, her voice soft and mysterious.  
"Yes!" he squealed, before turning to an amazed Dee. "How did she know that?" he asked, while tugging at the collar of his uniform.

Tetheus snorted disgustedly and stopped watching. Lykouleon eyed him, curiously.

"What did you see inside?" he asked.  
"A charlatan," Tetheus answered softly.  
"You're a cynic, Tetheus," he answered. "Wait and see."

The two dragons emerged, like all the others, mindlessly wittering on about the phoney fortunes delivered by the charlatan and gasping at her so-called insights. _I truly weep for the future of the Dragon Tribe. If it's in the hands of mindless, gullible fools like these ones, then we're doomed. I have got to train the Dragon Knights properly. If they hang out with morons, then they might pick up their stupidity. It's frightening how it spreads._ The gaggle of children waddled in next. It wasn't long before they came out again, one excited, one bored and two looking quite frightened. Then it was Tetheus and Lykouleon's turn.

They both had to duck down, to fit under the opening in the tent. The dull light of the day was instantly extinguished and they had to wait until their eyes adjusted. The low lamps were now unlit and Tetheus wondered if the charlatan had scarpered. The overwhelming scent of strong incense wafted over from the only light-source, a cheap tin burner on an upturned bucket. _Good grief. What are they trying to cover up? Are they hiding bodies in here?_ The Dragonlord shifted his stance and Tetheus reacted similarly. _Does he expect an attack?_

Suddenly, the lights flared up and Tetheus saw a mass of clothing emerge from a slit in the tent wall. _There must be a second room beyond that. Actually, this area is smaller than you would expect._ Thin hands emerged from the bundle and beckoned them to sit at the now-illuminated centre table, where three chairs waited. The Dragonlord cautiously walked forward and sat down, his eyes on the fortune-teller. Tetheus followed his lead. The fortune-teller, her face hidden behind a mass of veils, lifted her voluminous skirts and sat with them. As she sat down, Tetheus raised his head, alarmed. The woman was soaked with the unmistakeable essence of a demon aura. _It's faint and there's something else in there, too, but that hag has a demon taint. This isn't safe. _ He reached under the cloth, covering the table and found Lykouleon's hand. He squeezed it tightly and Lykouleon squeezed back, running his thumb over the tips of Tetheus's fingers. _Fool! We're in danger! If she turns into one ugly wench, then I'm running and you can kill her. That's my warning._ The demon-hag settled her hands firmly on the table, palm down. _ I'm sorry Raseleane, I did everything that I could. Here, come cry on my shoulder. _

She spoke, with a husky voice, "You wish to learn what is unknown? To pierce the veil and see your future?"  
"Yes, I do," said Lykouleon. "My name is Lyle and this is Tekk-chan," he said, as he pointed at Tetheus.  
The veil shifted focus to the stiff-backed Tetheus. "I'm really very loveable, when you get to know me," he said, in a monotone.  
She dismissed him then and returned her attention to the Dragonlord. "What method would you like me to use?" her husky voice moaned. "I am skilled with the cards, with the palm and with the crystal ball. I also have knowledge of several other, more obscure divination methods."  
"The cards will be fine," said the Dragonlord. His voice betrayed no anxiety and he seemed perfectly at ease.

The Fortune-teller nodded. Her hands were covered in so many rings and bangles, that very little flesh was visible. Her body was swathed in so much cloth, that her shape couldn't be seen. Her voice was deep and husky and it was the only part of her that was unconcealed. _I don't like dealing with her. She's hiding too much. _The fortune-hag reached into a velvet bag and pulled out thick and well-worn cards. _ Ah, poor Raseleane, still mourning? Alcohol deadens the pain, you know. Can I get you some port?_

The cards were shuffled and then Lykouleon touched them, to infuse them with his essence. The demon-witch slowly dealt out some cards onto the table, face down. She waited a moment, before turning over the one furthest to the left.  
"You have had a lot of struggles in your life, but you have overcome them," she rasped.  
"That's true," said Lykouleon, simply.  
_Why, you're so tipsy, Raseleane. Here, let me put you to bed._  
"You are happy with your life now," she said, as she turned a second one over.  
"Well, nothing's perfect, but it's pretty good."  
_My, my. What frilly smalls, Raseleane._  
"I see," she said, turning over another grimy card. "Now, your future. I see a new love entering your life."  
"Oh," said the Dragonlord, smiling. "I'm married."  
The fortune-teller didn't miss a beat. "I mean, of course, that your union will shortly be blessed."  
Lykouleon's smile faded a little as he replied, "But, she's barren."  
The veiled witch glanced down at the table. "Uh, um, ah! See this figure here?" Lykouleon stretched forward to examine the smudge on the card. "I missed this, but it's very significant. A dog! The cards say that you should get a dog, to ... fill the emptiness in your life."  
"Oh," said Lykouleon, before he turned to Tetheus. "I think I'll call him Crewger."  
_Why, Raseleane? What do you mean? Are you sure? Well, take me, but think of the Dragonlord. He'd want it that way._

The other cards turned over, one by one. The witch spoke less-surely now. "You're kind and generous, people often feel they can take advantage of you. Those that do, miss the steel."  
Lykouleon said nothing. A card turned over.  
"You're in a position of authority. People look up to you."  
Turn.  
"I see a connection with royalty. Do you work in the castle?"  
Lykouleon simply smiled and asked, "What else do you see?"

The final card turned over and she swallowed hard. Tetheus leaned forward, but the card just seemed to be meaningless squiggles. The colours used were dark, except for the vivid reds. _ Oh Raseleane, I can't possibly take the throne. Let me just comfort you in the one way I can._ Lykouleon waited, unmoving, completely uncurious, for her interpretation.

"I see trouble. The path ahead for your house is treacherous and the outcome is uncertain. You will have to depend heavily on others. One of them will not appear trustworthy." A sudden rush of words came flooding from her, then and her confidence grew. The raspiness of her voice, also changed and she spoke more softly and eagerly. "A scandal has swept, or is sweeping your life. You're trying to minimise the damage from it, but the true and lasting effect of this scandal will not be apparent for many years. Gossip and careless words may be insubstantial, but can rock the foundations of the mightiest of houses. Many competing voices offer solutions, but some suggestions will only fuel the flames. Choose wisely. Remember how people react. You know the depth of a human heart, so trust your own counsel before others." She swept a hand theatrically up to her brow. "Now go, I am weary. I have no further knowledge for you."

Tetheus and Lykouleon stood, bowed and left. The sore light hit their eyes and they blinked, until the pain faded. The queue still waited outside and they were jostled, as the next impatient set of customers entered the tent.

"She's a demon," muttered Tetheus, sharply.  
"Did you notice anything else?" asked the Dragonlord.  
"There was something else there," he admitted. "The hag's definitely a demon, though. I'll get a squad of Dragon Fighters and we'll take her down."  
"I think we can trust her, Tetheus," Lykouleon replied. "I like her. See if you can find me a dog."  
_Oh, I'll get you a dog, alright. The strongest, damn, demon-dog I can find! You, you, maddening Dragonlord! ... I need stronger insults to use on Lykouleon. I'm buying a dictionary and finding out exactly how irritating you are._

On arrival at the Castle, a runner nodded to Tetheus. "I have the parcel, sir," he said, holding up a brown paper package.  
"Great!" said Lykouleon and he grabbed the packet and started to tear into it. "Thank goodness, I can't tell you how much I want this." A joyful sigh wracked his body. "I may have been a bit hasty, but Kharl's exceeded my expectations. How many do you think he sent me?"  
"Uh, my Lord?" Tetheus coughed, as he attempted to rescue the parcel from Lykouleon. "That's the package I'm sending out to Kharl, with the request for you-know-what. We won't be getting anything back from him, for at least a month."  
"A month?" said Lykouleon, not resisting as Tetheus scooped the package from him. "I can't wait a month."  
"You'll have to," he said, examining the packet for damage, then re-tying it and handing it over to the runner.  
"But, I already told her that I wouldn't wear the collar again!" he said desperately, tears welling in his eyes. "Isn't there any way to speed it up? I can't wait a whole month!"  
_Collar? ... Raseleane, what do you want me to do? Wear this? Okay? Am I a bad dog?_  
"I'd better go back into town and get something for Raseleane. Chocolates, or a pretty dress and some nice flowers. I'd better buy out a jewellery shop, too. Goodbye, Tetheus," he said, running off.  
_Woof! Wooof! Awoooooo!  
_

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* * *

.  
The cosy study was filled with only the closest confidantes of the Dragonlord, as Tetheus delivered his interim report and latest theory on the identity of the mysterious Keigh Hay.

"... and so I believe that it must have been a young girl, who could not understand why her advances to the Dragonlord were rejected." He turned to Raseleane and bowed deeply. "Someone inexperienced, who does not yet understand the true strength and meaning of love." He strode around the room, expounding sternly. "The focus on Ruwalk, the detailed description of his bottom, shows an equal obsession with him. I don't know if she made a similar advance to him, or not, but we can see that she did not suffer the same despairing rejection from him. Yes, indeed, these points and a few others, show that a woman must have written the novel. A final gesture at the situation that she's leaving. Revenge on a bitter experience. I don't think she's still employed at the castle, since she couldn't be that open and vindictive and still look her friends and bosses in the face. Still, I think all the venom came out in this book and I don't think there'll be any more written. She's been cleansed, so to speak."  
"So you think we should just let her get away with it?" asked Ruwalk, incredulously.  
"She's not here, anymore," pointed out Tetheus. "Do you want to waste Kingdom resources trying to find her? Plus, prosecuting this poor, innocent, clue-less girl will strike a bad note with the population. They'll think we're trying to cover up the degeneracy of the castle with a witch-hunt."  
"Innocent?" laughed Kai-Stern.  
"Most of the positions referenced are physically impossible," said Tetheus. "I think it's obvious that the girl's inexperienced and working from imagination alone. She's probably only thirteen years old."  
"It's rather well-written for a thirteen year old," said Raseleane.  
"The publishers have editors and ghost writers to tidy these sorts of novels up," said Tetheus. "Most of them are inexperienced also."  
"Interesting," said Lykouleon, rising from his chair. "I can see that your points make sense, but I'd like a second opinion."

He strode to the door and opened it. A meek-looking girl, tarted up in one of Raseleane's cast-offs and looking most uncomfortable stood at the entrance. Her long hair was heavily laden with jewels and ribbons, so that the extra weight pulled it almost to the ground. Her fringe was bleached an unattractive blonde. _Another toy of Raseleane's?_ The Dragonlord led her inside and presented her to the room.

"This is Cesia," he said. "My new fortune-teller." He looked at her kindly and spoke softly to her. "Cesia, my dear. I want you to work with Tetheus on the identity of the author of a certain book. He'll fill you in."  
_Fortune-teller? Shit! If she's any good, I'm screwed! Why'd I have to write about her?_ He looked her over, before stepping forward. _She looks nothing like my Cesia. What a wet rag._ Outwardly, he betrayed nothing, merely bowed and took her hand. "We may as well start now." When he touched her, the comforting presence of the Dragonlord stopped masking the incredible demon aura of the child. _She's strong._ Looking at her, it seemed oddly familiar. _The demon-hag. It's her! I'm safe. This hack'll never finger me._

As he walked her to her room, Tetheus grew more and more confident. _It'll be easy to lead her in the direction I want. She makes her "predictions" by telling people what they really want to hear, after all. Why else, when someone comes to hear of their future, does she concentrate on their past? She won't get away with bland pleasantries here. Still, I'll wait until she backs me up on my book and the furore dies down, before exposing her. She may seem harmless, but Lykouleon's strangely dependant on her kind. There's no telling how drunk she'll get, when she realises the extent of her influence._ They reached her room and Cesia showed Tetheus inside. _A lot of Dragon Fighters visited her. How long was she camped in the town? She could have found out a lot about the castle in that space of time. She could be more intelligent than I've given her credit for. I'd better be careful._

Tetheus closed the door behind him and Cesia scuttled over to her luggage. Two simple bags lay on her bed.  
"I'm sorry, I'm not fully unpacked. I only just got here," she said, pulling various items from the larger bag. "If you just wait a moment, I'll set up."

Tetheus nodded and surveyed the room, while she prepared. It was a mid-size room, with a nice view, slightly larger than the guest rooms, but nothing like Tetheus's own suite. _Lykouleon must have planned a long stay for her._ Everything was decorated in neutral tones and remained completely unpersonalised. _Of course, she's just moved in. I can't use the room to unravel her personality. I'll have to watch the stuff she unpacks._

While he was looking around, Cesia had laid a square of cloth on the ground and placed a crystal ball in its centre. She was now frantically going through her things, looking for something.

"Dammit!" she said. "It's not here."  
"Lost something?" Tetheus said mildly. _Now that's a bad first impression, if ever I saw one._  
"Please, wait a moment," she said, flushed, as she settled herself on the cloth shawl. She placed her hands on either side of the crystal ball, not touching it and _concentrated_. The ball glowed, then rose slowly, between her hands. As she raised it up to her chest, her hair flew backwards, as though a great wind was blowing from the glass. She remained like that, for a few moments, then slowly lowered the glass again. Her hair calmed down, until it rested loosely once more, on her shoulders.

"Is there a blonde girl, who runs the castle?" she asked Tetheus. _Shit! She's for real. Shit!_  
"You mean Cernozoa?" he asked, in a steady voice.  
"I guess so," she said. "Can you tell her that the mirror Shay found, belongs to me?"  
"Certainly," he said. Tetheus walked to the door and called out to the first maid he saw. He gave her Cesia's message and returned to her side, with wobbly knees. "That was quite impressive," he said, settling himself on the ground.  
"I don't like to do it," she said, tossing her bound hair. "Ow!" She pulled a few of the trinkets out and ran her fingers through the freed hair with a sigh. "It gives me a headache and it messes up my hair. Besides, I don't often need to be that accurate," she explained to Tetheus. "Most people who come to me, don't really want to know about their dull futures. I tell them something pretty and they feel much better than they would, if I told him they'd end up just like their dull and boring parents. When you provide a service, you have to make sure that customers will return. They want to hear puzzles, minor quandaries that they can overcome, thanks to my help. I could be a good fortune-teller and speak exactly what their cards reveal, but then I'd be a poor one."  
"Makes sense," said Tetheus. "Now, about the novel..."  
"Yes," she said. "About that." She turned on the floor, to face him fully. "Look, it's obvious to me, that whoever wrote this is a big cheese around here. I don't intend to make any powerful enemies. I don't care who wrote this, but I do care about the future. My future. Let's just pick someone who can't defend themselves, someone inconsequential and pin the whole thing on him, or her. Then, I don't annoy anyone influential and you get to be the hero, who solved the mystery."  
"Sounds good to me," agreed Tetheus, quickly.  
"I just have one question," she said, interrupting him, as he rose to leave.  
"Really?" he asked, turning back to her. "What is it?"  
"What actually happened to my predecessor? Ruwalk was cleared of her murder, wasn't he?" she said, from the floor.  
Tetheus nodded. "Can you really imagine the best friend of the Dragonlord being convicted of murder, though?" he said, with an arched eyebrow. "It was very dodgy. None of us were ever invited to the inquest."  
"Us?" she asked, leaning forward.  
"The other Dragon Officers," he said darkly. "The inquest was held before the Dragonlord and an unknown board, whose members were never revealed."  
"Oooh," she sighed, eagerly. "What do you think really happened?"  
"Ruwalk was found with the body, but I don't think he meant to kill her," he replied. "Something shady was definitely going on, but we never found out what. I'm betting that a kinky sex game went tragically wrong."

Cesia smiled, "I can actually see that happening." She perkily stood up and led Tetheus to the door. As she showed him out, she said, "Tell the Dragonlord that I'm setting up a ritual to beseech the spirits for guidance. I'll have an answer for him, sometime tomorrow." She yawned, raising a hand to cover her mouth. "Late in the afternoon," she continued.  
"Is there anything you need for this ritual?" Tetheus asked. "Tea? Milk? Chocolate? A full evening dinner for two?"  
"I could do with some grapes," she said, resting her head against the open door. "Some dinner tonight and maybe a full-fur coat, but that can wait for a bit. No sense in being greedy, this early on."  
"I quite agree," he concurred. He stood back, deftly bowed to her and marched quickly off. _I don't need to get rid of her, quite yet. Interesting woman.  
_

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* * *

.  
This was long, mostly due to the tent-psychic bit. I can't believe how long that stretched on for, but I needed everything. The entire html file is over 30kb, which is a lot for me.

It was raining this morning. Not when I left the house, oh no. On the way into work, it started to trickle, then lash. My trousers kept it out, until all the rain that flowed down my jacket got through. Then, the damp patch started to widen. By the time the car splashed a puddle over me, my socks had already gotten soaked, from the top down. Yep, my shoes were completely waterproof, but got soaked from the inside, by my socks. The annoying thing is that I have waterproof trousers and considered them, briefly, this morning. It's summer! It wasn't raining. Aieeeeeeeeee!

So that's the end of this arc. We're back to once-off stories next chapter. It'll be either about Kitchel, or the retro number that's been playing in my head. I'd plot for this one worked out, but the next chapters are vague. I'm not sure when the next update'll be.

I recently had a fic cull. Tetheus survived it, but there are other stories that won't be updated.


	14. Retro Knight

**Edited 16 May 2005, to comply with songfic rules.**  
Rather than having two introductory fics in a row, I'm going to intersperse my first retro classic. This is set in an older time, a groovier time, where every action is made to a soundtrack. Get out your record player, stick on the Bee Gee's greatest hits and skip the needle forward to _Staying Alive_. This is the Dragon Knights, during the greatest age, the age of Disco Fever! 

summary: A baby is found on the doorstep of the Dragon Castle with a note attached. "Please raise my baby, he's the heir to the Dragonlord"

o

* * *

o

The pumping basetrack started up, as he left his room. His feet skipped out, in a complicated strut that wiggled his butt in a manly way. Dolled up girls watched his ass pass and a sigh followed him, as he progressed through the castle. Two Dragon Fighters, in identical threads, slipped in behind him and they strutted along, in perfect unison. A dazzling smile, from his perfect teeth, matched his pristine, white suit. A girl swooned, toppling from her platforms into the arms of her disco'd-up lover. He was too busy watching Tetheus, to catch her, his face betraying his jealousy. His jealousy and his lust.

He tossed his girl aside and strode up to Tetheus, two nameless goons from the multitudes, falling in step behind him. He stood in the Dragon Officer's path and once he had his attention, struck a pose, the first blow in his assault on Tetheus. Tetheus smiled, shaking his afro a little, as he strode forward and matched his challenger's pose. Their posses stepped forward, prepared for battle, but the affronted lover waved them back.

"This beef is between me and him," he grunted. They slid back and gave the combatants room for their battle.

Arms wide, pointing to the honeys in the crowd, he stared at Tetheus, then he lowered his arms and his jacket slid off. With a quick flick, he tossed it to one of his seconds, who smirked at him.

Tetheus walked forward. He circled the challenger, every step a beautiful, cocky move. As he turned, his white jacket glided down his arms, revealing his buttoned, matching waistcoat and silken, black shirt. He caught it on a fingertip and swirled it over his head, once, twice, shaking his hips to gain more steam. It flew from his hand, a collective gasp following it, as it streamed through the air, before landing on a coat hook. It spun dangerously on the hook, before settling and a small clap came from the enthusiastic audience.

The lover started to move, attempting to steal the momentum from Tetheus. He swung his hips, pounding out the beat in a much heavier tread. He knelt down, spinning somehow, perfectly balanced on his knees. He finally ended up on one knee below Tetheus, his accusing arms extending the challenge.

Tetheus regarded him calmly, raising one arm and touching his cufflinks, before duplicating this gesture with his other arm. He stayed there, merely switching the weight from one foot to the other, until he exploded onto the dance floor. Touching the sky, pulling his arms in, perfecting the cross and back again, he twirled across the cleared space. When he was far enough from the challenger, he stopped, hips jerking. An arm shot out, his hips still gyrating, as he pointed to every attractive woman in the audience. A scream erupted after every movement and a few more spangly girls fainted, their places stolen by fans at the back. He finally let his gaze fall back on the young dancer, his piece at an end.

The desperate young man jumped up, into a squat. He bounced up and down in a disco cossack dance, patrolling the perimeter and shaking some of his sweat onto the young lovelies at the border.

At last, the two moved together. A small balletic movement from Tetheus, complemented the last of the cossack dancing. The crowd joined in, clapping to the rhythm. Facing each other, they unleashed their final moves, the challenger rolling his arms around each other, while his weight shifted, his feet alternately pointing to his left and right. Tetheus planted himself on the floor, one hand glued to his hip, rocking it back and forth, as his free hand fled from its crook, to point at the ceiling and back again, in a remorseless finish.

That kid was good, on any given day he could have been the dancing king, but that day would have to exclude Tetheus. With a final pelvic thrust, that threatened to rip the fabric of his tight trousers, Tetheus defeated him and he fell back into the crowd. As Tetheus resumed his journey, his seconds comforted him through the medium of dance.

The base-line continued as he swaggered about the castle. A sudden spurt of coughing interrupted it, drawing his attention, as he neared the Great Hall. Casting about, he saw a mop of aqua hair, coating a tie-died T-shirt and dowdy green trousers. The open-toed sandals reeked.

"Alfeegi?" he called, motioning his followers to continue without him. They carried on with a chicken-walk, while he approached the hairy mess.  
"Huh?" the aqua mop said, waving back and forth unsteadily. "Is someone there?"

Tetheus parted his hair, trying several times before a face appeared.

"It's me, Alfeegi. You really need to cut your hair," he said, hooking some locks behind Alfeegi's ears.  
"No, man. Hair should be free. I'm not going to impose my scissors on it. That's just fascist," he moaned.  
"At least tie it back," he offered.  
"No way, man. Hair should not be fettered. Don't push your fascist ways on me," Alfeegi crooned. "Want a drag?" he said, holding up a rolly.  
Tetheus took it and sucked, tentatively, before coughing heartily. "It's strong," he said.  
"Yeah," Alfeegi said, smiling. "It's my new crop, man. Don't tell Ruwalk, but I've planted it under his window."  
"Poor Ruwalk," Tetheus sighed, taking another drag.  
"Don't pity him, man. He's working for the man, man!" he exclaimed.  
"Alfeegi," said Tetheus, leaning against the wall. "So do you."  
"Oh yeah," he said, taking his cigarette back. "Heavy."

They shared the rest of the cigarette, gossiping and talking easily, until Ruwalk marched past, in a smart, pinstripe suit.

"Meeting-in-the-Dragonlord's-study-now! Get-your-asses-moving-now!" he called, as he raced by.  
"Man, he's such a tight-ass," said Alfeegi, glaring after him. "He thinks that everything's, like, heavy. He really needs to chill. Lie out under the stars. Grow some weed."  
"Smoke some weed," said Tetheus.  
"Yeah, man," laughed Alfeegi. "Like, can you imagine what would happen if he did? It'd be, like, ... heavy."  
"Yeah," sighed Tetheus. He stretched his muscles and shook his flares. "Let's get moving."  
"I've got another cigarette," Alfeegi muttered, while rummaging through his clothes.  
"Let's wait until after we talk to the man," said Tetheus.  
"Yeah, talk to the man," said Alfeegi, pushing himself away from the wall. "Heavy."

Tetheus and Alfeegi entered the Dragonlord's study, like schoolboys called before the principal. Ruwalk was already there, rustling some papers self-importantly, at the head of the room. Kai-Stern was standing by the table, wearing a blue version of Tetheus's outfit and talking to Raseleane. She interrupted their chat frequently, to shoot daggers at the Dragonlord, who didn't seem to notice. Lykouleon had rolled up the sleeves of his crisp, white jacket and was staring, bewildered, into a simple, woven basket on his desk.

"My Lord?" said Ruwalk pompously. "We're all here."  
"Ah? Yes," said Lykouleon, tearing himself away from the basket. "Right, let's just, um." He made the mistake of looking at Raseleane and completely lost his train of thought under her withering glare.  
"My Lord?" asked Ruwalk again.  
Raseleane stepped forward, breasts heaving in her spangly boob-tube and plucked the basket from the table. "It's about this," she said, displaying the contents to the curious Dragon Officers. Inside, lay a sleeping baby.

Everyone cheered. "Finally!", "Yeay!", "An heir", "They did it!", "I thought she was ...", "Shhh", "A miracle", "Oh happy day". The murderous scowl on Raseleane's face grew darker.

"It," she said, "was found on the doorstep this morning, by one of the maids." Everyone shut up and stared at her. Kai-Stern was eyeing the amount of leg exposed by her mini-skirt and Ruwalk's eyes also slipped downwards. "It," she said, "came with a note." She reached into the basket and took out a rough piece of paper. "'Please take care of my son,' it says. 'He's the heir to the Dragonlord.'" Everyone turned to look at the Dragonlord, although Ruwalk's eyes were a little slower than the others.  
"Err," he said. "I'm quite sure that it's not mine. I mean, it couldn't be. It's obviously a desperate plan by some poor girl, from the country, looking for a better life for her child." A trickle of sweat that had started as a mountain stream, turned into a raging torrent, as he continued to talk. "Not mine, of course. still, err," he stammered. "Just in case, we'd better hold onto him, until we can prove that he's not mine. Long shot that he is, but just in case there was a set of circumstances, involving my blood and an injured demon, say, as an example, that caused me to create an heir, without physical intercourse, then well, we'd kick ourselves if we tossed him out."  
"I am not happy," said Raseleane quietly, but with malice. "We shall discuss this further in private."  
"Heavy," said Alfeegi, shaking his long hair out of his eyes. "What're you going to call him?"  
"Call? Him?" said Raseleane, testily.  
"'It' isn't a good name for a boy. It's got bad karma," he explained. "You need a name that gives him a groovy future, not one that loads him down with cosmic baggage, man. Like Rain, or Starchild, or Golden Catfish."  
Tetheus saw Raseleane start to build up fury again. "How about Wrath?" he muttered.  
"Rath?" said Alfeegi. "That means 'fortress', eh? It's a good, strong name, man. Definite, good karma there. Not heavy at all. Look at him, man," he said, poking a finger into the basket and waking the sleeping child. "He looks like a Rath, too."  
"Since you named it, you get to raise it," said Raseleane, thrusting the wailing bundle into Alfeegi's arms and storming out.

Alfeegi stood there, holding the screaming basket, a confused and horrified look on his face. "Heavy." While he was still trying to process the information in his addled brain, Tetheus snuck out with Kai-Stern. Lykouleon followed swiftly afterwards, but Ruwalk stayed behind to yell orders at Alfeegi.

"Get that blasted child asleep again now!"  
"You can't control him, man. He doesn't march to orders. He should be free to do as he wishes."  
"Make him stop crying! Do something useful."  
"Woah, your waves are too heavy. Just get off my back, man."  
"I am yellow Dragon Officer, Ruwalk, not 'man'. That is my title. That is how you will address me."  
"Don't be so fascist, man. Titles don't mean anything."  
"Cut the hippy crap and shut that child up or I'll gag him."  
"No way, man. You can't stifle his right to speak freely."  
"_What did he just do?_"  
"Eeew. Heavy."

Kai-Stern smirked at Tetheus. "We're well out of it," he said. "Still, there's something I want to talk to you about."

The two of them walked off to Kai-Stern's study. He locked the door behind them and sat Tetheus down, with a nervous grin. he walked over to his cabinet and opened it, pouring a drink while Tetheus waited.

"What's it about?" Tetheus asked, lounging back in the velour chair, before he accepted the drink from Kai-Stern.  
Kai-stern pulled a funky egg-chair closer to him and sat on the edge of it, resting his elbows on his knees. "Something struck me, when Raseleane read out that note," he said slowly.  
"What? Do you know who the Dragonlord was slamming?" Tetheus said, leaning forward, but finding it very uncomfortable, due to chair's design.  
"No, that's not it," Kai-Stern said, avoiding his gaze .  
"Tell me," said Tetheus, sinking back into the chair. "I can dig it."  
"Well," he started. "I get a lot of attention from the girls when I travel. They think Dragons are exotic."  
"Mmmmm, hmmm?" nodded Tetheus's afro. "Lay it on me, brother."  
"You see, some of them are friendly," he insinuated, looking directly at Tetheus.  
"Oh, I know," said Tetheus. "They see a pair of pointy ears and they, uh, _bend over backwards_, to be, uh, friendly."  
"Exactly," said Kai-Stern, whacking his leg and leaning back a little. "So you know that they're all curious and think you're so cool and you never see them again, so when they ask if you're the Dragonlord, what would you say?"  
"If I was blonde, I'd probably say what I think you said," muttered Tetheus, shifting uncomfortably.  
"Exactly," said Kai-Stern, flopping back in the egg-chair.  
"How likely do you think the Dragonlord's blood and an injured demon story is to fly?" he asked, sitting forward and drawing his legs in closer.  
Kai-Stern flicked his eyes from the area of space they were staring into, to look at Tetheus without moving his head.  
"I agree," he said, holding his hands and sighing deeply. "Is it yours?"  
"How do I know?" said Kai-Stern. "It was just a lump in a box. I couldn't get a clear view with all the crying."  
"Let's find Alfeegi and see if he looks like you. Maybe he's the spit of Lykouleon. You could be lucky."  
"Okay," said Kai-Stern. "After I've had a drink."

He headed for the drink's cabinet and bolstered his courage. After one, he was shaking, but, by the third, he was nearly back to himself. After a brief search, they found Alfeegi holding the baby alone, in his room. Tetheus tried to catch a good view of the child, looking for Kai-Stern's eyes, or the Dragonlord's chin, but Alfeegi walked too quickly, back and forth across the floor, rocking him erratically in an effort to cheer him up. Giving up for now, Tetheus saw a fully laden table, piled with meat, vegetables and some suspicious herbs.

"Hey, man," Alfeegi said, holding Rath away from himself. "What a downer."  
"He's still crying?" asked Kai-Stern, who kept a good six feet from the wailing bundle.  
"Yeah, man," he said. "I get munchies vibes from him, but the little nipper won't take a bite."  
"Babies don't have teeth, Alfeegi," warned Kai-Stern.  
"They don't?" he asked, looking up in surprise.  
"No," he said, stepping forward and finally getting a good look. "They drink milk."  
"But I've got milk," answered Alfeegi, nodding at a nice tall glass.  
Tetheus sighed. "Alfeegi, go into town and talk to any women that have recently given birth. Ask each one if they'll act as a wet-nurse, until one of them says yes. Then bring her straight back here. It's the only way we'll be able to sleep tonight."  
Alfeegi put his head to one side. "What use is a wet nurse?" he asked.  
Tetheus froze for a minute, then replied. "No, it's a phrase that means that she'll feed the baby, instead of its mother."  
"Ah, okay. I'll go then," he said, handing the baby over to Kai-Stern and walking out the door. "You watch little Rath and I'll be right back."

Kai-Stern laid the bawling infant on the table and Tetheus stepped forward.

"Well?" he said.  
"I don't know," said Kai-Stern shrugging his shoulders. "It looks like a baby, not a person. How can you tell when his features are so chubby? Look at all these folds of skin! And the tiny, tiny, fingers. How can these work properly? They're so small." He picked up Rath and demonstrated his tiny fingers and his tiny toes.  
"Yeah, if he's anyone's son, it's one ugly guy," agreed Tetheus.  
"I think as they grow older, they start to look like you more," said Kai-Stern, holding him high and eyeing him critically. "He ... oh. Let's warn Alfeegi not to eat the fruit, all right?"

He wrapped Rath up tightly, in several layers of cloth and handed him over to Tetheus.

"There you go, my friend. Watch him until Alfeegi gets back," he said, brushing his jacket and moving away. "I'd better leave, in case that baby starts to look like me."  
"If you stood in now," said Tetheus, blocking his exit. "You could save the Dragonlord some marital harmony."  
"Not until it's written in black and white," said Kai-Stern firmly, shaking his head emphatically. "I'm not the daddy kind. There's no proof it's even my baby. Maybe it is Lykouleon's. Anyway," he pointed out. "We do need an heir."  
"That's true," said Tetheus calmly. "But if Raseleane doesn't calm down soon, we won't have a Dragonlord."  
"Look," said Kai-Stern, spreading his hands wide. "I'll watch the boy, I'll help to raise him. I'll even take him to his first prostitute, but I'm not taking the fall for Lykouleon and I'm not going to be that child's daddy."  
"His name's Rath," said Tetheus, lifting him up.  
"You could step forward," Kai-Stern said, circling Tetheus until he was closer to the door. "Hey, Alfeegi could be his dad. He doesn't seem to mind caring for him."  
"Do you really think that Alfeegi can raise anything?" asked Tetheus in disbelief.  
"Look, all I do know is that it's not going to be me. It's not my baby and I'm not hanging around," he said, before he fled.  
Tetheus watched him go, then looked down at Rath. "Shhh, little one," Tetheus said, cradling the child. "We'll find out who your daddy is. Salazar can tell us and then you'll be a happy boy, with a good family and we'll all love you as uncles and aunts and everyone will look after you. Don't worry, little Rath. You'll be okay."

o

* * *

o

Obviously, his next phase was his goth phase, followed by military chic. Hippy Alfeegi is mostly based on what I remember of Neil from _The Young Ones_. He moaned a lot, had long hair and continually said "Heavy". Ruwalk is a yuppy, an era ahead of Tetheus (and the natural enemy of the hippy) and Lykouleon is in a Miami Vice vibe, right now. Maybe Raseleane should be in a power suit, but I want to have Tetheus as close to the Zeitgeist as possible.

You know, the only tangible reward you get for writing is that little review button down there. It doesn't take much to hit it and say if you liked the story, or not. One thing you liked, disliked, or would change/alter/don't understand, would mean the world to me. Thanks to everyone who does review, but there are bound to be others, right? Man, it's hard without a hitcount. Kitchel will be written, but the frenetic pace I've had is going to slacken off. I'm taking a break. I'm a bit tired of writing and I need to rejuvenate my batteries.


	15. Scent of a Woman

I'm sorry Kitchel took so long. I'd all the important scenes that I needed in my head, but it didn't gel when I started to write it. I finally got in done in pieces over Christmas, but only just typed it up. I'd written myself into a corner and I think that started the bad mojo. This has been hanging around for several months, so if there's a stylistic difference partway through, that's why. 

There is a story that was going to be the last chapter for this series. You'll see why, when you read it, cos I'm doing it next. I'm going to take a break from the series then. I don't know if it'll be updated beyond then, because everything will change and I firmly believe in consequenses in fanfiction.

Why haven't I updated any of my stories in a while? I've just been very busy. Writing ongoing stories takes a lot more than starting them, or one-offs. That's why I've written a lot of short, lightly edited pieces . It feels good to get something out, but by their nature, those stories are fragments and not entirely coherent. Here's a new, proper story, featuring everyone's favourite pervert, Tetheus.

warning: See above, last sentence.

summary: When a thief sneaks into the castle, Tetheus discovers that a lovely girl can be harder to handle than the castle's most celebrated femme fatale.

_italics_ are Tetheus's thoughts.

-

* * *

- 

An odd smell lingered in the Dragon Castle. Faint, yet undeniably sweet, the scent puzzled Tetheus as he carried out his work. Creeping up to the Dragon Fighters' changing rooms for a surprise inspection, he noticed it grow stronger. _It reminds me of flowers, of innocence and sweetness. That's suspicious for a start. _ He paused outside the door and placed his ear up to it. The noise inside continued in a gay jamboree. _Good, they haven't been warned._

He swung open the door and barged straight into the changing rooms. To his disappointment none of the fighters were in a state of undress and in fact, all were decently covered. The reason became apparent as she called out "Hey, why's it gone so quiet in here?"

Tetheus stalked over to the corner from where the voice had come. Fighters dispersed as he approached and several tied extra knots in their towels to hold them secure. Tetheus ignored them all as he made his way, the odd scent leading him through the crowd, toward the speaker. The last dragons stepped aside, revealing a young, plain girl, with laughing eyes and revealing clothing. She held the attention of the room, even now that Tetheus was there. She was self-possessed, had made herself quite comfortable and was obviously human.

"I assume that everyone remembers the rules of the Castle, such as the one that forbids you from bringing unauthorised persons inside the castle grounds?" he asked sternly. He stepped forward and loomed over the young woman. "Who brought her here?"

There were suddenly less dragons than there used to be. A nervous fighter with a slight tic took a step forward and attracted Tetheus's gaze.

"Err," he said, sweating slightly. "We've all known Kitchel for a while now and there didn't seem to be any harm in bringing her in under the guard of seven Dragon Fighters. Right guys?"

He stopped talking to look around the room. Whoever the guys were, none of them acknowledged him.

"Oh?" said Tetheus. "And how often do you bring in impressionable young ladies under armed guard?"

"Look," said Kitchel, sliding between Tetheus and the twitching fighter, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get anyone into trouble, I was just curious about the castle. I'll leave now and everything will be okay."

She smiled, the room breathed and she made for the door. After her first step, she found herself restrained by Tetheus's iron hand.

"I'm sorry," he said, "but it's a bit more serious than that. We can't have unauthorised people allowed free reign inside the castle and you're certainly not going to be left unescorted for the remainder of your stay. First, I need to ask you a few questions. Then, I need to ask a few questions of some others. Finally, I'll ask the Dragonlord to make a decision about what to do with you. Don't worry, your accommodations will be perfectly comfortable and secure."

Still holding firmly onto Kitchel, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a black notebook. He thumbed through it until he reached a blank page and wrote out a detailed list. When he finished, he replaced the notebook and swept his gaze across the room.

"Of course, I will need to see everyone who was in this room, including those who slipped out. You may start coming to my room from ten o' clock tomorrow morning. Please inform those who missed this part of the activities."

He pushed the girl out the door, but couldn't resist pausing at the exit, to give a stern and meaningful glare to the Dragon Fighters inside. He closed the door, squeezing Kitchel's shoulder. His grip was looser than he'd expected. He looked down. He now held a lovely short jacket, but no intruder and looking around, there was no sign of the girl in the corridor. _Time for my breathing exercises._ He closed his eyes and could just hear stealthy footsteps leading away. He crept after them, twice as silent and relishing the hunt. Tetheus pounced at one of his favourite corners, reaching out to catch the thief, but dropping his hands when he realised that he'd just startled the Dragonlord. Lykouleon jumped backwards, then relaxed when he realised that Tetheus had caught him.

"Thought you were Raseleane," he said as he smiled quizzically at Tetheus.

_Shit, I could say nothing about Kitchel. I could pretend infallibility, but that would betray my job. I have to let him know that the castle's walls have been breached. Besides, he's such a flake that he's probably left the kingdom's treasures out in plain sight; just lying around; easy pickings for even the worst thief. Hmmm ... No!_

"My Lord, I believe that there's a thief in the castle," Tetheus said, biting the bolt.  
"A what, Tetheus?" he asked, his eyes widening and the smile still on his face.  
"A thief, my Lord," he replied, stiffening up. "She befriended some Dragon Fighters and tricked her way into the castle. I'm looking for her now, but you should be careful until she's caught. I don't know what she's targeted."  
"A thief?" Lykouleon repeated, before exclaiming, "How exciting!"

Tetheus described the thief allegedly known as Kitchel, then warned the Dragonlord to return all valuables to the castle's treasury. He also asked him to lock away all essential documents and treatises. When he'd finished lecturing, Tetheus hunted down Alfeegi and sent him to pick up after the Dragonlord.

Then, the search began. He started at the bottom, with the sealed vaults and ended with the storage boxes in the attic. Once he'd determined that Kitchel wasn't hiding in the last wardrobe of white nighties, he gave up. He slumped into the wardrobe, safely hiding his moment of petulance, but as he did so, he dislodged a rather lacy piece of lingerie. It fluttered down from its hanger onto his head. He left it for a moment, looking through the gauze into the gloom, while pungent fumes from a musky scent filled his nostrils. _That's not Raseleane. That smells more like ... let's not go there._

He stood up and replaced it, using only his fingertips. _Maybe she used the chance to escape. After all, she knows that I'm on her tail ... Anyway, she's not here._ He trudged down the stairs, _I'm tired_ and went to bed.

At least, he tried to.

There was something unexpected asleep in his bed. It was too small to be Cernozoa. _She's not the type to wait around for me, either and she never falls asleep when she's horny._ He crept closer. The covers had been pulled right over the head of the sleeper. If he wanted to see who was there, he'd have to risk waking her/him? _What guy could be that small? Well, if Alfeegi pulled up his knees ... Oh shit._

Carefully, slowly, he grabbed the covers and tenderly pulled, peeling away the blankets from the sleeping form, revealing the very person that he'd warned Lykouleon against, not a few hours before. A gentle snore emerged from Kitchel, oblivious to Tetheus's presence.

He looked around, while keeping his body still. He must have used the handcuffs recently, because they weren't in their usual place. After a quick scan of the room, he spotted them, a little out of reach. Keeping hold of the covers, he reached for the restraints, exposing her shoulder to the cold night air. Kitchel stirred and woke, as Tetheus's stretch fell short. She exploded, bouncing out of the bed and resting her hand over Tetheus's.

"Let's not be too hasty, shall we?" she asked. "Unless you want to use them properly." She purred, rubbing against his arm.  
"My dear," said Tetheus, with a cold tone. "You are an illegal intruder in a very delicate position. I don't think that you should try any charms."  
"Ah!" she cried, drawing back. "But I've always wondered what handcuffs would feel like."  
"I would have thought that with your occupation ..." he started.  
"I'm a very good thief," she said, testing the mattress springs in a very healthy way.  
"No," replied Tetheus, unfolding to his full height and retrieving the handcuffs. The door was firmly on his side, she couldn't slip past him. He turned to find her face fully covered in a leather mask.  
"Can I not even try this?" she said in a muffled voice, reaching her arms through the bedposts. "You can be in charge," she added, submissively.

-

* * *

- 

Tetheus woke with an itch in his shoulder blades. For some reason his arms weren't responding and his vision was restricted. It smelt like he was still in his bedroom, although he could distinguish the subtle scent of flowers. He finally managed to flex his fingers, then attempted to rise from his bed, when he felt the familiar tug on his wrists. _Ah._ It was the sweetest of moments, until panic interrupted.

"What's the Dragonlord going to say? When he finds me? ... Like this? After warning him? ... About her?" he cried.

Calming himself, he felt out the cuffs and bed posts, finding out exactly how he'd been tied.

"Luckily, it seems that Kitchel's been to the same perverts as Cernozoa," he murmured, relaxing again.

He took a quick breath, before bringing his knees up to his chest, then swinging his legs overhead and catching his feet under the crossbeam of the bedstead. He pulled on his restraints and pushed against the crossbeam, until he neatly dislodged one of the posts and deftly released his restraints. He then pulled off his gimp mask and freed his hands.

Rubbing his wrists, he sighed, "she always threatened to leave me like that. It's lucky I'm always prepared." He replaced the errant post, before dressing and checking his respectability in the mirror.

"Right," he said, gelling his hair down. "If I was Kitchel, where would I be?" The answer came even before he'd finished composing himself and he strode out the door and to the Dragonlord's study.

He didn't even knock. As expected, Kitchel was inside, but she was also perched on the arm of the Dragonlord and looking very pleased with herself. She pursed her lips as Tetheus came in and stretched up on tippy-toes to whisper into Lykouleon's ear.

He turned and greeted his Security Chief.

"Tetheus, welcome. Come in. Let me introduce you to Kitchel ..."  
"The thief!"  
"... the thief and apparently, a very good one," he said smoothly.  
"Hello, Kitchel," said Tetheus. He reached out to her and she extended her hand with a smug grin. It faded as the handcuffs clamped onto her wrist. "Thank you, my Lord," he continued. "I've been looking for her."  
"Those aren't regulation handcuffs, are they, Tetheus?" Lykouleon asked, peering at the restraints. "I mean, leather, okay, but the fur?" He shook his head. "We'll have questions in the in the audience-hall. Now, can you let her go?"  
"Go, my Lord?" Tetheus nearly choked.  
"I've hired her," he said, leaning forward and lifting off his heels with a quirky smile.  
"She broke into the castle, ignored instructions, escaped from authority, twice, finagled the Chief of Security and snuck into the study of the Dragonlord. She's also, probably, purloined untold riches. Yet you've hired her?" Tetheus stared down the Dragonlord for the first time in his life. _This is my realm. She's a thief. How can he over-rule me? How can he go behind my back like this? What on earth do we need her for?_  
"Sounds like the perfect resumé to me," he smiled. "If she got past you, then she's bound to be able to complete the jobs I have in mind for her. Say hello and be nice. You'll be seeing a lot of each other."

-

* * *

- 

I got my first flame! It's not a proper one, since it doesn't actually rubbish one of my stories, but I've been waiting for one for ages. I can't really make fun of it, since I got an apology since, which I'm very grateful for. I just want to say that not everything bad that's said to you is a personal attack. When it comes to something like plagiarism, it's far better to be safe than sorry. When you risk having your account banned, you really should be careful.

After all, being wrong doesn't hurt me one bit.


	16. The Trouble With Love

I have no more episodes planned for this series. I'm going to spend more time on stories that give me feedback. That doesn't mean that there won't be more chapters, just that it's highly unlikely: this story was always planned as the final chapter. 

Anyhow, ever since the bottle was first mentioned, way back in chapter two, you knew that this was going to happen eventually, right?

warning: Tetheus remains a pervert.

_italics_ are his thoughts.

Summary: A blow to the head can scramble your brains but why is Tetheus professing his love... To Alfeegi?

oOo

* * *

oOo

The day started like any other: Tetheus prowled the corridors, weeding out perversion; Ruwalk wined and dined diplomats from far flung regions of the continent; the Dragonlord closed all resulting deals; Kai-Stern notarised the agreements; Cernozura did all the real work; Raseleane napped and Alfeegi ... he was found cowering under the stairs.

That prompted a war council, which was attended by all the senior dragons as well as delegations from the kitchens, the administration staff and the fighters union. The meeting was conclusive: the Dragonlord told Cesia to find a solution to their problem. She locked herself in her room to work on it and everyone else returned to their previous duties.

Oblivious to the ructions in the castle, the Dragon Knights argued. Tetheus found them while going through the bushes with a stick. Their raised voices had scared off the courting couples who usually took advantage of the dense undergrowth in this part of the grounds. _Spoil my fun, will you? Still, I didn't get where I am today by ignoring opportunities like this._ He moved into the thickest patch of shrubbery surrounding them and made his way to a good viewing spot, where there was already a Tetheus-shaped hollow in a comfortable posture.

Though the shadows of the leaves screened him, Tetheus could clearly see Rath, Thatz and Rune, the three Dragon Knights. As he settled in, Rune went for Rath's throat and clamped on.

"You promised me that we could come home!"

Thatz was slouched against a tree, throwing small stones into the air and catching them. He watched the fight, but didn't get involved.

"We are home." Rath just managed to get the words out, but his face was turning red. He grabbed onto Rune's thumbs and tried to pry his hands away.

"I want to stay," Rune shouted. "We've spent seven months on the road. Seven months! I wanted to come home five months ago, but you kept running off to fight demons."

"That's just the way Rath is and we're here now," Thatz stated. "Calm down, Rune. Isn't your throat tired of shouting yet?"

The elf let go of Rath and thrust his finger at Thatz, stamping up to him. "You're just as bad! Treasure? Stealing from wishing wells? How long did you spend begging in Luwa while convincing us that you were investigating Rath's demons?"

"It was good cover. How did I know that I was staking out the wrong pub?" he shrugged.

"In the wrong city?" Rune's head snapped back to Rath. "I'm tired of traipsing around the country. I'm tired of killing demons and sleeping in a different bed every night." He fixed the green-haired thief once again. "I'm tired of running from sheriffs, militia and sarky inn-keepers. I want to stay at home, for once. I want a nice, quiet, relaxing break. I want to forget that the two of you exist. So behave! The last thing I want is to be sent on yet another wild-goose chase, babysitting you two infants!"

Thatz sighed, then smiled warmly. "Of course, Rune. I wouldn't think of causing any trouble. The food here's good and even though breaking into the vaults is frowned upon, I shouldn't get too bored. I have enough loot stashed away for at least a few months' gambling."

Thatz tossed the stones up again and caught them. "I'll be good, Rune, don't worry." He then threw them into the undergrowth - one flew through the bushes and rapped Tetheus smartly on the head. He gasped, staggered and started to fall. Thatz hefted his last stone and though he never saw it, Thatz made a perfect shot that landed sweetly in Tetheus's open mouth.

Rune turned to Rath, who held up his hands helplessly. "Rath, you promise too," he shouted, covering up the crash of Tetheus's tumble.

Rath's response was lost as the Dragonlord, grinning from ear to ear, and Cesia arrived.

"Ah," Lykouleon said, still smiling broadly. "I'm glad we've found all three of you together, as we've got a little mission for you."

Rune collapsed and the dragonlord's smile faded a little. It grew back as he noticed Rath giving him an obvious snub. "Cesia will give you the details."

Cesia clasped her hands together and looked at the three knights, waiting until she had all of their attention before speaking carefully. "We want you to find Nadil."

"Nadil?" asked Thatz, standing up, every muscle turning instantly rigid.

"Yes," she replied.

"The demonlord Nadil?" Rune exclaimed.

"Yes."

"The most powerful yokai on Dusis?" he continued, his eyes bulging out from his face.

"Yes."

"The one that kidnapped the lady Raseleane and did things to her?"

"Yes, but don't worry, we're not sending you to kill him." Cesia smiled and Thatz relaxed, his muscles returning to his previous slouch. Rune sat down.

"You're not? Thank goodness," he muttered, taking a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiping his brow.

Rath, who had grown steadily more fevered and who had begun to drool, now sank back into himself.

"We just want you to cut off his head and bring it back," Cesia said quickly. Rath smirked, an evil gleam in his eyes.

"And that won't kill him?" Rune gasped, holding onto his side as though he'd a stitch in it.

"No," said the dragonlord, shifting uncomfortably, his smile fading again. "I tried that, but he just stuck it back on ... Shlouk... and was grand."

Thatz was stunned, Rune looked ill, but Rath just grinned.

"Oh yeah, the most important part," Cesia continued. "Bring it straight back here when you've got it. Even bodiless, Nadil's dangerous and every demon in the country's going to want that head, even those that aren't in his army. The hardest part may be getting it home."

Rune's mouth opened and closed as he desperately tried to think of a way to get out of this assignment. A glassy stare broke out as the argument retreated to a private part of his brain. Concerned, Thatz waved his hand in front of Rune, but got no response. Meanwhile, Rath looked directly at Lykouleon for the first time since he'd been thirteen years old.

"Finally, we get something good. I don't know why you didn't send us after him before, Old Man." He took Rune by the elbow and gently guided him out of the clearing. "Come on, Rune. It'll be a piece of cake, one step at a time, back in the saddle and all that."

They walked slowly away, Thatz following. When they were out of eyeshot, Lykouleon turned to Cesia and burst out with laughter. While he wiped tears from his eyes Cesia stood unmoved, politely waiting for him to finish. He finally stopped with a shake of the head and looked at her. "Well, we've lost three knights but by golly, what an exit."

"Actually my Lord," she said with a cough, "they will succeed."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"They'll get Nadil's head?" he asked, the humour gone.

"Yes."

"Where I failed?" His voice turned up significantly at the end of that sentence.

"Yes." Cesia continued to give the simple answer in a measured tone.

"I'm a bit miffed about that," he said, noticeably subdued.

"Look at it this way: they'll be out of your hair for at least a year, maybe two." She smiled at the Dragonlord.

"Are you sure they even survive?" he asked, looking away from her.

"I'm a very good fortune-teller, sir," she said, clasping her hands behind her back.

"Pity," he muttered, shuffling his feet.

"My Lord?" Cesia asked, emotion finally colouring her voice, even if it was just a faint trace.

"I mean, it was a life or death struggle." He raised his hands, ducking and weaving as he relived the vicious battle. "I was fighting for my wife; My land was in ruins; I'd the narrative imperative on my side and yet still failed. Now you're telling me that three wet-behind-the-ears kids are going to just waltz in and cut off Nadil's head?"

"Well, if it's any comfort to you, my Lord, you obviously loosened it for them."

"I still don't believe it," Lykouleon said tossing his head away from the fortune teller. His eyes suddenly narrowed and he leaned forward. "What's that?"

Cesia turned and followed his gaze. A pair of black boots protruded from the shrubbery. The Dragonlord stalked up to them and grabbed a hold of the left one. He nodded at Cesia and she hurried up after him and grabbed the other. On "three" they pulled, plucking Tetheus's prone body from the brush. Both stared at the unconsious Dragon Officer, until Alfeegi ran up to them.

"So, have you done it? I mean, either they're going to break apart the castle or they're heading off. I hope it's for at least six months, but until they're fifty would be good... what happened to Tetheus?"

The three of them stared at the black dragon officer and Lykouleon prodded him with his toe. When Tetheus didn't react, Alfeegi knelt beside him and felt for a pulse.

"He's alive," he said, before lightly slapping the unconscious man and calling to him. "Tetheus, Tetheus wake up."

A grunt came out of Tetheus and Alfeegi continued his ministrations. His patient groaned, shook his head, then opened his eyes. _Alfeegi? What the fuck did I do to wake up to Alfeegi? What did I do last night?_ He took a huge gasp of air, _- I have got to get out of this somehow - _and shuddered. _What? Where's the air gone? Where?_ He tried to gasp, but nothing came out. Alfeegi grabbed him and lifted him to a sitting position. _Crap, oh crap._ He clawed at his chest, then started to thump it. _Can't breathe._ He scrabbled at his coat. _Help me. Help me._ He clutched onto Alfeegi's shirt and stared into his frightened eyes. _Alfeegi, please._

Cesia screamed as he collapsed again. All three shared terrified glances while Alfeegi mouthed "What do I do?"

"Thump him!" Lykouleon shouted.

"No, check his pockets!" Cesia yelled, hopping from foot to foot, but unwilling to step any closer.

Lykouleon threw her a puzzled glance as he dropped beside Alfeegi and went through his trouser pockets.

"His inside pocket! In his jacket!" she yelped. "That's what he was trying to get to."

Lykouleon nodded and dipped into Tetheus's chest pocket. He breathed again when he found a small bottle, with an unmarked label.

"How much?" he asked.

"All of it," yelled Alfeegi. He grabbed it and pulled the stopper out with his teeth. Then he forced Tetheus's mouth open and shoved the bottle half down his throat, spilling most of it on his clothes. Tetheus twitched violently as the potion took effect, wrenching himself from Alfeegi's grasp and rolling to the side. His chest heaved and horrendous noises came from his body, until, with a mighty _HURRK_, a slimy, green stone was expelled. Tetheus lay back, breathing harshly, _I'm alive_.

"Tetheus?" Alfeegi asked, easing Tetheus into a more comfortable position and forcing open his eyes, so that he could check them out. "How do you feel?"

Tetheus stared at him. The wind whistled overhead and the cawing of a lone crow echoed through the tree. Tetheus reached up, his breathing slow and easy and grasped onto Alfeegi. He pulled himself up and Alfeegi leant down to him, cocking his ear to hear Tetheus's laboured words, when Tetheus skipped his ear and gave his answer directly to Alfeegi's lips.

The sun shone on an almost frozen tableau: only Tetheus moved, his hands stroking Alfeegi's hair and his lips and tongue softly caressing Alfeegi's. His fists clenched and unclenched as Tetheus gently licked and kissed - his fierce grip holding Alfeegi in place. Finally Tetheus released him and lay back to regard his kissee. The sun shone strongly above him, giving Alfeegi an aqua halo and Tetheus smiled. "Heya," he said, as the smile stretched to his eyes and gave them a happy glint. "How are you?"

"Good. Fine. I'm fine. You're alright? That's great." Alfeegi placed an unsteady foot under him and pushed himself up. "You had a nasty shock, you should go and lie down. I was shocked. It was a shocking day," he said, extending a shaky hand to Tetheus and helping him to his feet. "Let's go."

He wobbled off, somehow supporting the weak Tetheus and leaving Cesia and Lykouleon behind. They stared at the unholy site of Alfeegi's first kiss with Tetheus until an evening mist fell and Cesia sneezed. Lykouleon woke from his daze and reached out for her. They embraced and holding tightly to each other, unsteadily walked back to the castle.

oOo

Draqueen was silent. Tetheus felt peace and harmony permeate through every layer of the city and flow up to his bedroom. A loving laugh danced through the room and swirled around the bedposts. _Alfeegi, it's all so obvious._ He wriggled under the sheets, relishing the feeling of the soft and sensuous silk as his naked body flowed over it. _Why have I spent so many days and nights unhappily?_ A restless sigh escaped as he twined the blankets around him. _All along, all I needed was one kiss and I would have been completed. Alfeegi. I treated you so badly and now I'm going to have you._ He stared off into the dark, towards that part of the castle that contained Alfeegi's room. _You won't evade my love. I'll show you exactly why we should be together and give you the realisation that I've found. _He giggled in the dark. _It'll be wonderful!_

oOo

The following day Tetheus bounded through the castle, stopping every guard he came across and asking them if they knew where Alfeegi was as he'd a most important thing to tell him. He left frightened guards behind. Kim, the dragon fighter on duty at the vaults groaned the most.

"There goes any hope of kids."

His partner, Sangi, looked confused. "What does his mood have to do with children?"

Kim sighed and looked away. "Every time he gets like that, it means a new uniform. Our winter outfit used to have a full-length coat, but he got rid of that seven revisions ago. The shirts get more revealing every year."

Sangi blanched, then frowned. "What does that have to do with children, though?"

"What? We all know that the infertility of the Dragon Tribe is caused by our tight trousers."

Tetheus smiled from around the corner. Despite his sudden change of heart, old habits remained. _Don't worry silly, little, dragon fighter. Soon there'll be enough loose fitting boxers to fill the castle with the lovely yells of adorable children. Alfeegi would like babies - he'd be such a good mum._

Tetheus carried on with the game, poking into every corner for his beloved and laughing when he realised that Alfeegi was still on the loose, until he ran into Cernozura at the laundries.

His smile hit her like a fist and she stepped back to figure out if Tetheus was really the one who stood before her.

"Cernozura, my dear, ah yes, I should talk to you. Have you seen Alfeegi?"

She shook her head and blinked several times. "You're actually looking for him? I thought you avoided him most of the time?"

Tetheus answered her with a wink. "I think he's hiding on me, which makes it more interesting. Ah Cernozura." He swept into the room and grabbed her hands, raising them to his mouth for a kiss. She pulled back. "Where did we go wrong? We did waste an awful lot of time on each other, didn't we?"

She nodded, but said nothing. Tetheus smiled, took a pile of clothes from the clean pile and shoved them into the dirty bucket. When Cernozura opened her mouth to complain, he stopped her lips with his finger.

"I'm happy to help and I really need borrow you for a moment. Can you spare some time for me?"

She eyed the clean pile of clothes and he stepped towards them.

"Yes, loads of time," she said, pulling him back. "What do you want?"

He grabbed her hand and led her through the twisty corridors of their home and opened his bedroom door with a dramatic flourish. She gasped as she stepped through. The curtains had been pulled tight and almost every available surface had been filled with candles, some of which had burnt dangerously low. The areas that were free of wax were covered in vases of flowers, which lent the room a bewildering scent. The bed itself was coated in rose petals. _Looks a bit different doesn't it? Oh well, here goes. Time for a heart to heart._

"Cernozura, we've danced around each other for so long. We drift apart again and again, but we always flow together once more. I've spent more nights in your arms than I've spent with the rest of the castle combined. It's not just a comfort thing, I've sought you out, because I think my heart knew that you were meant for it. You soothed me and scolded me and matched me - giving me what I needed, but not always what I wanted. I showed something to you that I've never shown to anyone else. I gave you my thoughts, my real thoughts. I normally stay closed, so that people think the best of me, but with you I've talked and talked and developed, finally, as a person."

A single tear formed and rolled down her cheek.

"With you, there wasn't a great passion; it grew slowly. I just realised one day that you made me smile and that I was happy when you were around." He smiled gently and love shone through every pore of his body. Cernozura bit her lip and waited. Tetheus shook his head and pulled a black cloth bag from beside the bed. He squeezed it tightly. "I've never had such a good and honest and open friendship. I was confused but it struck me today. _How could that be love? _You never consumed me. Alfeegi is everything and it's hit me now, suddenly and I don't know why it never hit me before."

A second tear joined the first one, then a third. Tetheus wiped her face dry with the cloth bag, then gave it to her.

"Here are your things, Cernozura. There's no real point in me holding onto them, now. Not when I've found true love and I'll never stray from him. Please, don't tell him about us. I'm sure that there are things that you don't want to be generally known." Tetheus put a finger to his lips. "I'll be quiet if you will."

She nodded and he pushed her gently out the door.

"I'm really glad that this has been sorted out. I'd love to spend more time with you - I have so much to talk about with my best friend, but I need to find him."

_Where haven't I checked?_ Tetheus turned and missed Cernozura running off. _If I was Alfeegi, where would I be?_

oOo

* * *

oOo

I'm never going to be able to use the version of Nadil that I'd worked out for this story. It's a pity, but eh, it can't be helped. I don't know if he'd fit in anywhere else. Again, this is the last episode of _Inside Tetheus's Head_. There was a long gestation period and I'm really pleased with how it worked out.

I wouldn't have written this without Aquajogger's reviews. I'm glad you kept reading. Welcome back Neko Eadasu


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